Ok no response to the email so either none of you could find an online mail order husband website either or I'm going through all of this trying to protect my identity for no reason.
OK wierd weekend. Yesterday I was very depressed, and my gay ballroom dance trainer called me. He hurt his knee on friday and blew my plans for the weekend. Anyway he could hear it in my voice that I was depressed. So he made me put on Natalie Cole's "Only Someone That I Used to Love." He told me to have a good cry and go and have a drink. He told me to think about "being a buoy." You see, he is from California so he has to employ beach/boating metaphors. He said, "Look, you can only fight so many battles, but a buoy can stay afloat during a storm. A buoy endures." Yes, but a buoy doesn't go anywhere either; it doesn't accomplish anything. This is a kin to my mother's interior decorator telling me in his lovely french accent that "Life is like a garden. To the untrained eye, it may not look that different, but every year something changes. And every year things grow." Yikes, these sentimental gay men and their metaphors.
So last night I go to my regular hang out F's (I'm not giving the name, again to protect not only my identity, but the identity of the idiots I make fun of). My friend Patrick was there, and this guy who I see around the neighborhood, Drew. So there is a free seat next to Drew, and I sat down not realizing that this was apparently some kind of invitation. Drew is Israeli and has a heavy accent. He asks a few questions, how is the school year going, how are my students,and then all of the sudden, "Can I be honest with you?" Ladies, the answer to this question is always "No." Men try to use honesty as a way of saying offensive things and then they cover with "Oh but I was being honest. The truth is often ugly." Well, you know what I don't want to know the truth. I know more of it than I care to. Lie to me. Tell me that I most lovely girl you've ever seen, and you want to take me to Bora Bora for the weekend. But like an idiot I said "Sure." So then he offers the following proposition. "Why don't you teach me english and in exchange I'll sleep with you. I want to fuck with you multiple times. I use the phrase fuck with you instead of fuck you because I think we both will get something out of it." I have said maybe five words to this guy in my life and now he wants to "fuck with me"? Jesus, oh and the best part is he lives with a girlfriend/wife. (Apparently whether she is a wife or girlfriend depends on the day and who is asking.) So I found and excuse and relocated to the end of the bar to talk to a girl named Audrey (she works at the place next door.)
Then there is the Joe situation. Joe is the regular bouncer on friday and saturday nights. We've hung out a few times, when it gets slow I talk to him and he buys me drinks (well he gets the drinks free). So we've had a lot of serious conversations about his son, about his ex-wife, about his last relationship, about all kinds of things. Last weekend he walked me home and told me that I was one of his favorites. He didn't say favorite what, he kind of trailed off and then said that he always had good conversations with me. This comment made me nervous. Now before every one yells at me that I have a decent guy interested and I'm throwing him away, I have to say this in my defense. He's twelve years my senior. I'm 28 and he's 40. That's a pretty big leap and I'm not willing to make it. So friday night Joe was kind of flirting with me. He came up and put his arm around my waist and was talking to me for a while. Then he left me alone. I ended up chatting with this kind of white bread, but very nice guy. He walked me home. And that was it, I gave the guy a kiss on the cheek because it was his 27th birthday and that was it. So last night Joe is giving me the cold shoulder. Wouldn't really talk to me or anything. Finally I was talking to him for a while and I referred to him as a male friend. And he had a strange re-action. He was like "Oh is that what I am?" And I said sure that's what I thought of him as. I mean, did he really think I was interested? So finally Drew left and went and sat with Patrick again. I went to the bathroom and when I cam back Joe was gone. Now this was odd because it was an hour until closing. Apparently, Joe got pissed because the bartender wanted Joe to tell in some people that Joe thought were questionable. Joe let them in but then said to the bartender "I won't kick them out." The bartender kind of shrugged, but Joe wouldn't let it go. He said to the bartender, "Listen, you do your job and I'll do mine." The bartender simply said that keeping people out of the bar was bad for business. (One of the patrons threatened to tell the owner.) To which Joe asked him if he wanted to take it outside and then stormed out and left. But I have the feeling that the realization that I see him as a friend is what made him angry. Then again maybe I'm being self centered, and I had nothing to with it.
I still have a huge pile of papers to grade. At least tomorrow I have to give the midterm which means I have class time to grade.