So I was feeling particularly lowly these last few days. I mean get drunk at one in the afternoon and then take a tylenol PM at 430 in the afternoon because the five grey gooses on the rocks weren't enough to put you under type of lowly. The type of lowly where I want to cancel my birthday party and just hide under the bed with the prehistorically large dust bunnies that have begun to hold their monthly tribal rituals to the great Dust God there.

And then as I am lying in bed trying to take a nap because depression leaves you tired but simulatenous unable to sleep because you keep thinking about things you really shouldn't think about, but somehow your mind just keeps coming back to bad places when my buzzer went off. I thought it was the Doberman finally ready to paint my apartment. I ran to the door in my tight pj top and bottoms. Imagine my surprise when it was a huge guy from UPS.

He was here to deliver my package.

He oogled and flirted and then left with the package. Now let me tell you guys. That's a fantasy. When a girl is awakened from a nap by a stranger with a surprise package filled with a nice present, and the delivery guy thinks -oh yes, oh yes. I sent him away envying the Doberman who has become my bouncer lately (Today he fielded a surprise visit from the married guy. Can't wait to see the fall out of that situation.) So after much giggling I ran to the bed and opened it.

GLITTER.

From Ordinary Joe. So now I HAVE to celebrate my birthday just to show off my newly glamourated puss.

So thank you Joe for saving my afternoon.

Joe also tagged me for this meme so I think it would be in incredibly poor taste for me not to play along.

“THE RULES:Each player of this game starts with the ‘6 weird things about you.’ People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says ‘you are tagged’ in their comments and tell them to read your blog.”

So here we go

1. I wasn't stung by a bee until I was 31.
2. I've been propositioned for threesomes 4 times, the first being my sophmore year roommate and her boyfriend.
3. My height (4 foot six) is not the result of genetics, but rather the radiation therapy I received as an infant.
4. In one year I was proposed to by 2 gay men both of whom merely wanted a green card.
5. When I was a GA at 24, I had an affair with an NYU student who was actually too young to be one of my students (he was 18 and my course was limited to juniors and seniors).
6. I've been in surgery so many times I've actually lost count.

And now for me to tag six people...
Bakerina
Blogmonkey
Rabbitch
Keith
'Mouse
Grommie

Don't blame me, it's all Joe's fault.
I'm trying to write an exam, get through these last few days of teaching, wrap up grades, figure out when I'm going to do my holiday shopping, cope with depression AND the mess of my apartment being painted and now I get this grand slap in the face while I am just trying to put together some study material for my students.

I'm walking to the copier with my eyes stinging with tears.

I remember the words of that idiot Israeli I dated, "You are queen and this is just a walk in the park."

"Fuck that," I think, "I want to be Nero and take a walk in the Colosseum."
I have a secret name for my cat. So secret I never even call her by it. I just think it at her.

We have a whole sleep ritual. I go to sleep alone, but by at least an hour later she is asleep at my feet. Now she stays at my feet, but often sprawls out next to my legs. Often she takes up the entire lower part of the bed to the point that if I should get up in the night, when I return to bed I shall have to gingerly explore where there might be room for my little legs in the bed. In the morning when I wake up she comes and curls up by my head and purrs so much her entire body vibrates. I don't know if she does this to keep me in bed or simply to make waking up at 5 am a much less unpleasant event.

But when I wear that vibrating cat fur hat I think, "Snuggleuptopuss."