Starring Oliver Platt, Bridget Fonda (Single White Female), Bill Pullman (serpent and the rainbow) and Betty White (Golden Girls), this film features the oh so original premise about giant freakin' crocodiles in Maine.


Speaking of water based horror films with ridiculous premises: A widow grief stricken over the death of her son in a freak shark attack decides to overcome her grief by visiting her other son, a marine biologist, living in the Bahamas.


Blogger status: I'm guess a lot of you will guess this one, it's pretty obvious. However, for reasonI will explain in the next post, this one has an imporant place in my heart and fits with the whole shower thing.


Speaking of the shower, I just took one with a spider. Seriously. I used the downstairs bathroom and when I turned on the water I didn't check the shower, which my mother never uses. So I go to step in and notice the tiny spider against the wall. I tried to get him with a tissue, but he managed to evade me. Finally I had to admire his/her will to triumph so I just let it be and I showered and he/she attempted to rebuild its web. I just didn't have the heart to kill it. I know, you're on the edge of your seat.
Ah yes it was time for another Rowdy Roddy Piper film. I'm not sure there actually was a plot to this film except there was a whole lot of sunglass wearing making it look like the world's longest Corey Hart video. I thought this one was a gimme so held off until I thought many of you would be asleep. Still, many of you recognized it! Excellent work.



Yep that was Jamie Farr as Randy right before he got shot. Guess he got to first base with at least one chick. Well, let's move on from serial killers. We need a little variety. Getting back to our roots some cheesy horror film action.



The Psycho series was a fave of my father and myself so this is not the last time this series will appear here. This film though was phenomenally stupid. What psychiatrist would say "hey my husband is a serial killer with a history of killing women for no reason and now he says there is just one thing he doesn't want me to do. I think I'll do it anyway." Smack. Ask me, the dumb bitch deserved to die. Obviously didn't graduate at the top of her class. It's like my favorite thing to tell my kids when we talk about medicine "You want to know what they call the person who scored the lowest passing test score on the medical boards? Doctor."


Psycho IV starred Henry Thomas, which some of us new better as the "hero" from ET and Cloak and Dagger.


More fun with serial killers: "I never thought I'd be so happy to be a virgin."


Blogger status report: Sitting out on the porch with my mother, she said "So you must be in the home stretch by now." I said, "Yes, if consider eleven hours a home stretch." We both laughed and we discussed Duke Nukem and why I am so happy I am not with him anymore. But lord I am getting tired. Cold shower time soon.


Have you ever noticed that half an hour is just enough time to do nothing useful? I thought it was a good space of time until recently. I thought I would do all sorts of things in the interim between posts. Nope-totally fucking lost weekend-when the hell am I going to grade papers? can someone get me some elves with a copy of the elements of style?
Ralph Fiennes running around naked with a huge tattoo, THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT! I don't know why, but I'm alwasy attracted to villians, which might explain some of my less inspired dating choices. Let me tell you, I can never watch a murder mystery because I can tell the murderer by who I would go to bed with-never fails.


Continuing our serial killer theme. Premise: A rehabilitated serial killer, married to his psychiatrist, is convinced that his lunacy is genetic. He informs his wife she must never get pregnant; she gets pregnant anyway. Killer then calls in a talk show to tell a radio doctor of his intentions to kill his wife in order to prevent his hereditary taint being passed onto another generation.
Vincent Price, deadly sins, and a mute, but sexy assistant-how can you go wrong with that? One of my father's favorites, strange considering he was a doctor that he liked a film with such anti doctor sentiment.



Ah yes, David Fincher back again with perhaps one of the most disturbing films I've ever seen. Lust was the one that kept me up at night, and of course a superb performance by Kevin Spacey who does creepy like no one else. I think my favorite line of his is "Oh, he didn't know." My students are disturbed by the fact that I can do both sides of the car dialogue. But really those last the minutes are beautifully written even if Brad Pitt does some of the worst acting I've ever seen.


According to VH-1, Michael Jackson saw this film and hired the director for the "Thriller" video. This film starring Griffin Dunne, king of the yuppie doing a nervous breakdown performance, as the best friend who gets eaten features perhaps the best performance by a nearly skeletal side kick.



You have to like a horror film spoof which manages homages to Marathon Man, Batman, The Wizard of Oz, and the Muppet Movie. Of course, the line in question comes from the "Brain Gremlin" who was voiced by Tony Randall. The film, probably the best work Zack Zalligan ever got, illustrates another theory a friend of mine came up with in grad school. Given enough time every horror film sequel will either go to space or NYC, sometimes both.



Apologies on the delay-technical difficulties. Since it is a Stephen King script I think it counts.



I am personally disappointed that none of you even tried to guess on this one as I thought of it as a gimme. This British horror film/comedy is, as they say over the pond, brilliant. One of the few films that manages to be both terrifying and funny. It captures what the average person would probably do in the event of a zombie uprising. I think my favorite part is the master plan is to get to the local. God knows should any kind of major catastrophe occur I would go to the nearest place I could lock myself in and drink myself silly.


Continuing with our dating theme: "The good news is your prom dates are here. The bad news is they're dead."
That one was for Bakerina, I thought considering the party a couple of cannibal films would be appropriate. Unfortunately I am on my second margarita and rapidly losing the ability to type. Especially since my mother neglected to mention that mother of Duke Nukem would be attending this party. Just who I don't need to see two weeks after the Wee Russian Asshat dumps me. I asked my mother "Why didn't warn me?" and she said "Oh it really didn't occur to me." That's my mother, only comes to this planet to get her mail.



Another film with George Clooney, it features a star packed cast which I won't mention, but it does feature one of the best pornographic monologues from Cheech Marin ever penned.


My favorite line to say from this film is "You have 24 hours to get your aristocractic shit together and vacate the premises", I thought that too obscure. The other fun one is "Without me this place will be about as much fun as Bucharest on a Monday night." It took me awhile to understand all the jokes in this film, the blackout, the tannest man in hollywood as a vampire, but still a classic film starring Richard Benjamen as Rosenberg/Van Helsing who would unfortunately later direct Milk Money with Ed Harris and Melanie Griffith. Now THAT'S scary.


My father and I would often quote one scene from this film to each other. Rosenberg and and th eCount attempt to hypnotize each other across a table at a restaurant. Rosenberg says "Sleepier and sleepier, Count" and the Count counters with "Drowsier and drowsier, Rosenberg." The sparring continues until a waiter walks up to the table to take an order and promptly passes out.


Starring the mouse-y cute Roddy McDowell and Chris Sarandon ( who isn't nearly attractive enough to be a vampire), this horror film classic was very popular in my home.


Directed by David Fincher, later of Se7en, I watched this film with my father in the theater. He sat next to me and every time something scary would happen he would cover my eyes or put the large tube of popcorn in front of my eyes. Although not a very scary film to watch despite nice performances from Lance Henrikson, Charles Dutton, and Charles Dance, it is a very scary listen to listen to. All those slurping noises, yick!


My father's favorite line, inexplicably, was "Look I'm really sorry you've got this thing inside you."



Any film which has Jon Waters in a cameo as a sleazy photographer taking pictures of demented dolls and saying "god bless the little people" is going to get my vote as one of the best horror films of all time. And of course the ever sexy voice of Brad Dourif and some very snarky remarks about Julia Roberts in Erin Brockovich keep me endlessly entertained.




Blogger status: The caterer, who is annoyingly loud and talks to himself, is in the kitchen next to me. I have put Lee Press On back on although I am thinking of going into the living room to watch Psycho 3. I am now in full make up. I will take pictures of the schebang for all of you, but I won't post them till after because this computer gets hinky when I download, and I don't want to screw up the delicate balance right in the middle of the blogathon.
Not quite as funny as the originally, the sequel spoof starred George Clooney as the comedic side kick and John Astin as the demented professor Gangrene. The professor's assistant Igor is a blonde blue eyed henchman who really wants to be news anchorman. The most classic piece of schtick is when the director discovers in order to have enough money they have to place products in the films. Thus when the professor turns around his white lab coat sports the Pepsi logo.



Ah yes a cinema masterpiece starring none other than Rowdy Roddy Piper as the hero in question.


Special points to the HP for guessing this one, although how many films are there about giant pigs? Spiders, lots, bats, sure, snakes, bags full, but pigs? They don't exactly seem to project that "Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid." aura.


Keeping with our animal theme I give you the next line and a premise.


Featuring the man who started it all Terence Mann, not the author of a Death in Venice and other light classics but the grandmomma of all mullet wearing actors, Critters Four also stars Academy Award Nominee Angela Basset and of course long time fave Brad Dourif.


Have you ever noticed that Brad Dourif always seems to be decapitated in every film-from Graveyard Shift to the some film where he plays a priest and gets his head cut off by an elevator shaft-his head seems intended for violence. I've always thought he did that ridiculous Wayans brother because he called his agent and said "Does my head cut off?" "No, but Brad, you don't understand..." "I don't care, if I don't die I'll do it. ""But" "No buts about this, sign the freakin' contract."


Premise: A giant pig terrorizes a small town until it is lured into a dog food plant and chopped into pieces.

Please say hello and peak in on my site monitor Pico and thank her for joining us.
Starring Vin Diesil (however the hell you spell his name) with very cool contact lenses, you have to admire a horror film that has the balls to kill a major character in the last two minutes. Truly admirable. Never saw the sequel, so no bitching about it to me.


My favorite part of this film comes at the end when Riddick is remaining in the blindspot by re-enacting the famous improve mirror game that all actors learn. As if that wasn't entertaining enough, the cut to the crane shot of it is absolutely priceless. My father would have thoroughly approved.



An alien brain is being fed brainwaves through tv waves. As the brain feeds, it gets bigger and is able to control more people. The only person resistant is a young male genius who is being studied by the same institute that is "feeding" the brain by broadcasting its signal through educational television. My father and I loved this film especially when the brain grows to the size of a baby rhincerous and suddenly grows a face! And not just any face, but the face of a slimy doberman. Classic filmmaking.


My father was always bitter about this one. We managed to tape all of the film but the end of it, which somehow got cut off, and he decided it was my charge in life to find it. I've never been able to get a hold of the film, and so he died without seeing the end of it. Up to the last time I saw him he always asked me "So did you ever find the Brain?" Still haven't found it on tape which is curious considering the quality of the premise.


Directed by Dario Argento and starring Jennifer Connelly as the young heroine, this film failed to impress me like his other work Suspiria and Opera although it does feature a stunning revenge killing involving a chimpanzee and a razor.. The soundtrack features Iron Maiden, and Donald Pleasance plays the whellchair bound etymologist who helps Connelly discover her gift.

Scene: An orderly under the control of an alien brain decapitates a cop with an axe getting not a drop of blood on his white uniform and then hails a cab with the bloody axe.

From the same film:The young teenage couple who manage to ellude the control of the alien brain and lock themselves in the school. As the townspeople attempt to break in, the virginal girl decides that it is this moment she wishes to lose her virginity. The boy, rather than focus on a plan to survive, submits to her desire.
Starring Brad Dourif, who will be another regular here on these pages, as the Gemini Killer, this film was written and directed by William Blatty who wrote the original Exorcist screenplay and novel. Blatty was famous for writing the screenplay "A Shot in the Dark" considered to be one of the best pink panther films ever. (Thank you to Joe Bob Briggs for the extra info-I knew all thos enights of monstervision would comes in handy.)


It seems that blogger is being a bitch about how long it takes to post some of my posts, but be assured that I am posting EVERY HALF HOUR although it may take a bit to get up there.

Premise: The young daughter of a famous film director is sent to a private school in Europe where with the help of a wheelchair bound etymologist she discovered she has the power to control insects. She uses her new found power to discover the serial killer who is murdering her classmates.


Special bonus points if you can name the actress who played the lead or the director.
Yes, there is very little in the world better than Bruce Campbell, except Bruce Campbell in a Raimi film. Bruce will be appearing several times today because I like him and he always gets the good lines. Incidentally, I am pining for a pillow with those lines stitched into it because I think it would go with the rest of my decor.


"Well, there I was so awfully dead in that electric chair. I didn't like it. Would you? It's upsetting. There was still so much killing to do, and there I was, in the void, without a body."


From the same film: "This I believe in... I believe in death. I believe in disease. I believe in injustice and inhumanity, torture and anger and hate... I believe in murder. I believe in pain. I believe in cruelty and infidelity. I believe in slime and stink and every crawling, putrid thing... every possible ugliness and corruption, you son of a bitch. I believe... in you. "

Extra bonus points for this trivia: This sequel was written and directed by the author of the original. What is the name of the author? And what other film ( outside of this series) is he famous for writing?
This spectacularly bad horror films opens when almost all of the inhabitants of the eart are reduced to fine red powder, and it degenerates from there. My favorite moment, with the car, is actually the very end of the film, which is a lot of awful horror film to watch before getting rewarded.




Sequels will, of course, play a big part of today. The actors in questions were Anthony Edwards ( you may remember him from the original Revenge of the Nerds, but more likely from the show ER) and Edward Furlong, who after getting that gig in T2 was to vanish into the hoary netherworld never to be heard from again. And I know we all say prayer of thanks for that one. I have to say this film started out with a possum shivering on top of a post for no freakin' reason. For that alone I have to love it.


Older Sister: You really shouldn't cross on red light.
Younger Sister ( standing in the middle of the road): There's no one here. Everyone in the world is dead!
(Car suddenly comes zooming over the hill narrowing missing younger sister. Car pulls a u-turn and stops by younger sister.)
Attractive man in car: Oh I'm sorry about that, but you really shouldn't have crossed on a red light.

Also from the same film: You were born with an asshole, Doris, you don't need Chuck.

Yes, we've all had one. This horror film starred Dana Ashbrook later to be of Twin Peaks fame. He fueled many a teenage girl fantasy back in the day, and I'll be honest with you I miss that James Dean greasy teenage boy gone bad energy he had.


This staple of the 2 am Sci-fi Channel screen gems involves demonic possession, cheesy special effects, and the best that 80's hair has to offer. The premise gets convoluted but begins with God sending a "chaser" to capture a renegade demon who is possessing the living, which takes a bit of a Romeo and Juliet turn when the "chaser" falls for the demon in question.

Blogger Status: Showered and listening to the Ramones "I Wanna be Sedated." "24 hours to go......"
And now for me to explain the concept behind blogathon theme. My father was a big fan of horror films. All of them. Good. Bad. Ugly. Low budget. Poorly acted. Ridiculously premised. He loved them all. It was perhaps one of the few things we bonded over. We would get a whole bunch of crap from the 24 hour store (cream soda, bright orange "cheese" popcorn, pretzel sticks, strawberry soda, chocolate covered donuts, gummy worms) and stay up watching some of the worst dreck ever to grace the small screen. Occassionally we would treat ourselves to actually going out, getting bucket of popcorn drenched in bright yellow food coloring (forgive me my sense of humor isn't quite a awake yet), a jacuzzi sized coke, and seeing a movie on the big screen.


During those evenings, my father espoused the theory that every film, no matter how awful, had one line that made the whole movie worth watching. I have since refined his theory. It is not always a line:it can be a scene or premise. You see it and you think "That's why I just wasted two hours of my time." For my part, I was always fascinated by the fact that at some point, no matter how egregiously stupid the plot, someone thought "Oh yeah, people are going to LOVE this." This was the beginning of the theory that would become the central philsophy of my life: every really huge mistake you will ever make will seem like a good idea at the time. And now the time has come to finally use my wasted youth in the name of a good cause.



Well, I'm up to nine sponsors, and I've raised more money than I thought I would, it is all thanks to you, my lovely and devoted readers. I would send you each thank you notes, but many of donated under your real names, and I only know your screen identities. I would sure love it if those of you who gave to send me an email so I could thank each and everyone of you personally. For those of you who have come here to lend your support of myself and other blogathoners, thanks so much! We appreciate all the support we can get: comments, emails, photos of genetically mutated ocelots (well you could cut down on those as actually we seem to be over this years quota), and IMs.


I have already posted about blogathon 2005 and my soon to be heroic 48 posts about horror films, in honor of my father and proceeds going to the American Heart Association. Yet strangely I haven't even raised 200 dollars. AHEM. If even a few of you sponsor five dollars, you will be making a huge difference to my self esteem as a charity fundraiser. Because really this isn't about helping out other people who, you know, suffer and all that, it's about me. All of it. All the time. I am the bellybutton of the universe and as such I demand that you sponsor me or I shall put in an order with the secretaries of certain underlords who report to certain hoary hellbeasts that you are to get a karmic bitchslap on an epic level for being apathetic twerps. The blogathon is August 6th so there is no time to delay.