"You who knew me...remember and suffer"-Musetta in La Boheme

Well, I blocked Israel's email. Crossed out his phone number. I have not been as sad as I thought I would be, but then I realized I've been mourning his loss really for about three weeks. I feel free now. I don't have to sit and worry about why schmucko isn't calling anymore.

However, and I would like to address this as to all who are dating, I remain resolute in my belief that if you refer to someone as your girlfriend or boyfriend OR you are dating for more than two months (and I mean really dating-or hell even if you are just sleeping together for over two months) AN ANNOUNCED BREAK UP OR TERMINATION OF THE CONNECTION IS REQUIRED. It's not optional, people, it's required. Take five seconds out of your day to write an email "It's over. PS It wasn't your fault." I've been living in NYC for ten fucking years, I can take it. At least then I can say "Ok somebody get me a marlborough light, and a corona, and the number of the hot twenty one year old by the door. Oh, his friend is pretty cute too, see if he's free as well." Instead I have to sit and wonder "Do I still have a boyfriend?" And then curse myself when I finally realize that I don't AND I missed out on hot 21 year old ass. (OK in truth 21 year olds are not that great BUT better than the invisible man am I right?)

"I am the dog? I am the dog? Harry, if anyone is the dog around here, it's you."-Meg Ryan ( as Sally Albright) in When Harry Met Sally
As I have often said there is a special place in hell for people who break up via email, text messaging, fax, im, answering machine message, postcard, post it, and note written in lipstick on your forehead, but BUT at least then you know. There is a much darker, more painful special place in hell reserved for those who don't bother to break up with their boyfriends and girlfriends.
(And yes Israel referred to me as his girlfriend-so there)

I have addressed this point several times including in this post where I came up with a handy check list for men on why they didn't call back.

"What do I do now he's gone?"-name of a song I had sing for my sophmore year singing class

I am on the path to moving on ( right, sure, a month from now I am going to be crying into my tea pot on my birthday over this schmo), but and I know this is my weakness, I do have an urge towards revenge. Israel will of course be added to the list of men who didn't call in 2003, but as for other forms...

"I won't because all of me wants to regardless of consequences." Humphrey Bogart as Sam Spade in Maltese Falcon
There is a part of me that wants to call up a few of my male friends to go and beat the hell out of him. I mean, really I am not above the desire to see him spiting out a few broken teeth. Or send him a link to the blog ( because he doesn't even know it exists as far as I know). Or even link to his contact info. Now I wouldn't do these things, but I am so tempted. I am so tempted. Because I am hurt, and really I want him to hurt just this much. And I know he isn't otherwise it wouldn't have been so easy for him to walk away.

Fucker.

"Karma is just justice without the satisfaction. And I don't believe in justice." James Caan in the Way of the Gun

I do feel that I am owed an explaination for what happened because I am totally confused and when the possibility for happiness vanishes so quickly the only satisfaction I can generally find is understanding why. Of course understanding why is my whole job, which might explain how, despite everything, I still want to know what the hell happened. Because really I can't figure it out. But I'm never going to know so I am going to try and focus on the things I do know like what is the meaning of the universe.


Timing is everything in life

Strangely John Yule showed up on my door step last night. I invited him in, as I was surprised after I told him I was no longer available that he showed up. I told him what happened. He said "He had to be gay. No man can lie in a bed with you and just kiss you. He's gay."

Well, um I'm sure his ex wife of 11 years would have been pleased to know that when he said to me about his marriage "We just grew apart" what he really meant is "I like cock."

Because at times like these a girl needs several attractive men armed with ostrich plume fans

The male harem has been oustandingly supportive in this time of need. Bishop said to me on wednesday night, "You mean that guy I saw you with. OK first I am so much hotter. But listen, you're gorgeous, you're smart, you're funny, you're brilliant, and you are one of the five hottest pieces of ass ever." ( Five? What does a girl have to do to get to be number one?) "The problem is you need a stronger sense of self. Let me tell you something when I was young, I thought I was it. I had this girl, fabulous, great sex, sweet girl, very smart, very together, very considerate. Well, I treated her like dirt. And finally she said to me "Look I like you but you aren't worth this.' And I regret it. I regret it still. And you need to be like her. Because if he can't see how amazing you are and how you should be treated, he's being myopic, and I don't just mean those glasses he was wearing."

John and I currently made plans for saturday night at which point he promises to make me feel better.

The Man Who Wasn't There title of a Coen brothers film

Israel "New York was preparing you for me" ( second date)

yep two years of abject misery dating assorted idiots from the outlying areas seems like fairly good preparation for yet another guy who think he's all that and couldn't even handle dialing a phone and saying "Um sorry the mother ship is leaving it's been fun but I must tame the barbarians hamster hordes of Alpha Centauri-good bye my dear we'll always have Auction House. Have a good life. Never forget."