I have returned from an entire week in Montoursville PA. Where the hell is Montoursville? I don't freakin' know. It's beyond Scranton. It's beyond the Poconos. For crickey's sake, it's beyond where they accept Am Ex at the supermarket ,and the little stores actually have parking huts especially for the Amish horse carts. No joke. I saw a sign that said "You must 'personally' accept Jesus as your savior" (Emphasis not added)in the middle of a corn field. I thought "What he won't take a corporate check?" The pictures are being developed as we speak.


And of course I had many MANY spectacular bunni-licious adventures. But the truth is having spent the whole week doing nothing but smoking pot, drinking beer, and keepin' my ass cool in a fresh running creek (pronounced "crick" like "I have a crick in my neck") I'm exhausted. But it's been a while so I thought I shall give you a preview of the posts (I have notes already) and then expand later when I recover from, well, from spending a week in a house in the wilds of PA.


DAY 1: Cabin by the Lake


Bunni realizes that she is going to be trapped in a cabin for a week with a bunch of people she barely knows in an isolated summer house. She realizes that this is the premise of every horror film produced between 1982 and 1987. She wonders how long it will take her to snap and begin re-enating scenes from April Fool's Day.


Fire Walk with Me
One of the boys attempts to build a fire for an hour. After a whole lot of sweating, cursing, and liberally applied lighter fluid, he gives up. I walk over and blow on the wood at which point it leaps into flames.
DAY 2: Mystery Guests Sign in Please

Most of the guests begin phoning in cancellations or delays. I end up hangin' on the porch with Jim a former Vietnam vet who dubs me Norma Jean for the rest of the trip. He brings with him his friend the Koala, a Puerto Rican lumber worker who is still coping with a brain injury he incurred in 1997.


DAY 3: The Crawfish Holocaust
The Kaolo catches about a hundred crawfish also known as crawdaddies for a spicy soup. I help catch two. He and I re-enact the lobster scene in Annie Hall complete with crawfish boiling pictures. I realize that I am the equivalent of the crawfish Caligula.


C'mon baby light my fire
I build a fire, and the Koala comes out an confesses his woe to me. On top of coping with the loss of certain cognitive functions (short term memory, math skills) he is getting a divorice from his wife, but his big secret, the one that not his family, not his friend Jim, not his ex-wife, no one but this random Bunni by the fire will know is that he was a stripper in Georgia.


Are you interested yet? Are you all a tingle with antici....(say it say it) pation?


No yet? Well here are some more tantalizing tidbits: Bunni discovers that building a fire and making smores is the best cure for a break up, Bunni ends up topless bathing in a stream, Bunni discusses her views on divinity with a bunch of christians ("So if you don't believe in God what do you believe in?" "Godiva Chocolate.") and Bunni ends up discussing neurosurgery in a bar purported to have the world's coldest beer.


Now I know you'll get your asses back here when I write in full detail my exciting trip to Montoursville PA.


Ya'all come back now, ya hear?