Ok so let me comment on what happened last friday. So I went out and got hit on by actually a pretty cute 21 year old who will probably never call me. DAMN! What's sad is I've gotten to an age where being hit on by a younger man is like the red badge of honor. I can remember when being hit on by a seriously younger man was annoying, like the thirteen year old who hit on me last year. That was a classic he just didn't want to let go. He was a freshmen in high school and so I said "Do you know what I do for a living? I teach freshmen...in college." And he actually said to me, "Age is just a number." It was pathetic. I have very little use for a student who is 18, but a student who is thirteen is just plain out of luck. I don't care how good looking he is, he can be a good looking doorstop and that's as far as it goes for me.
So anyway the best thing that happened to me this weekend is being hit on by a cute 21 year old. I can remember when that was every weekend. And suddenly I feel like I should be back on the broken down porch with a ukele and some moonshine saying "And you tell that to these kids tofay and they won't believe you."
I'm pretty exhausted. I'm having a lot of anxiety and I'm h aving trouble sleeping. I feel very alone. I suppose part of it is the holidays. But I haven't seen a movie in two months, because I can't find anyone to go with. I mean, yes I could go alone, but I miss talking about it afterwards. With a horror movie half the point is seeing it with another person (and laughing at them when they jump.) I have this kick ass costume but nowhere to wear it. I mean its sad. And its not like I don't try. Everytime I get an invite, I'm there, I'm out, I'm dressed. I know dating now is like trying to find a job you've got to go for it every day, but I'm tired. And after all of this effort, all I get is a cute guy who may call me, maybe. And I've gotten to point where I have to try and make this something to be happy about.