I know I was going strong there for a bit, but last week was the last week of classes so the big push to get papers DONE for the last class (I made it) followed by a petite cat crisis and then a large holiday crisis: my uncle Dan passed away. This makes Dan the second relative to die close to christmas in the last five years. See why the christmas spirit is so difficult for me?  Doesn't help the other one is my grandmother so my mother is already in the wallowing in sadness portion of the holiday.

Dan was a larger than life character. He had a huge booming voice that preceded him, but he was always jovial and welcoming. Long before he'd enter a room, I'd hear him calling out "Is that Bunni and Mere Lapin? C'mere you." And he'd hug us and give us kisses on the cheek. I always associated Dan with Christmas because he and his wife would host a huge christmas party on christmas eve with drinks, games, a huge food spread, and an appearance by santa with gifts for the young children. Some of my relatives remember seeing me spotting santa in the snow outside Dan's house. He bought a jukebox in the 80s, which had christmas songs like Jingle Bell Rock, a song I still associate with him (and strangely had just bought a version of it off iTunes three days before he died).

Dan's house was a short walk through woods from my grandmother's former house. I remember many times loading up with gifts and merely walking through the snowy woods towards the sounds of laughter and Christmas songs coming from his house. The day after Christmas all the kids would get together and play games-Trivial Pursuit usually-or sing karaoke. It was the one time of year, I saw that side of the family. In recent years because of Dan and his wife's age, his daughters took over hosting. Same party, same food, same guests, same spirit, just a different venue. His one daughter would jam every inch of her house with Christmas decor right down to the toilet paper (no joke). I got tired just looking at all the things she set up on her mantle-houses, angels, snowmen, santas, elves, reindeer, presents... I hope this will not kill her Christmas spirit in the future.

Sadly, after my grandmother died three years ago, my mother and I didn't venture back to visit on Christmas Eve. With Nana gone, we had no place to stay that night and so instead we made our Christmas at my mother's house. While it's obviously more comfortable and easier than a three hour drive to stay at a hotel, I missed those parties and seeing my relatives. I was going to bring up to my mother visiting next year-that perhaps I would rent a car and go out there on christmas eve for a bit. Not the most practical plan, but I missed them.

Unfortunately, even if I do, Dan will not be there. Dan, I miss you, but I'm singing Jingle Bell Rock for you. I will keep the Christmas spirit alive in your memory as you were always such a generous man.

I will be posting new movie reviews and dating stories soon, but hopefully you understand that this will take a while to work through. In the meantime, if there is a relative or friend you haven't seen in a while, make plans to go see them for the holidays if you can.

Labels: christmas, death, loss, mourning