Daria Niccoldini, Argento's longtime lover, believed Argento wanted her to play her part in the film so that he could kill her with the gun shot through the key hole scene which involved taping dynamite to part of her head. Argento will finally be finishing the sisters trilogy or so word on the street claims.

Next film:

Man 1: Listen, shit kicker! You're about one cunt hair away from hillbilly heaven.
Man 2: I love it when you talk dirty.

Man 1: You're human. Man
2: Barely. I'm a lawyer.
Why is it that some directors get their name before the film and others don't? Anyone?

Next film:

When a serial killer forces a young opera singer to witness his murders by taping needles underneath her eyes, the key to solving the cases lies deep within the singer’s repressed memories of her childhood, which also explains her frigidity.
And I thought my students did ridiculous thing, but thankfully they haven’t tripped over a portal to the hoary netherworld and accidentally unleashed its freak like terror on the rest of us.

Incidentally, have you ever asked yourself where contemporary horror would be without Stephen Dorff? This guy is in freakin’ everything.

Two exchanges from the next film:

Man: My God!
Demon: Not yet, human. But soon…very soon I will be.

Demon: Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to have unlimited power, and only be able to use it when some worm asks you for something?
Human: No, I can't say that I do.
James Gunn helped co author the book with Lloyd Kaufman upon which Terror Firmer is loosely based. I love this film because I have so many personal connections with it-I’ve met Rev Jen Miller who loved my Paris story-and the director’s daughter used to work at my favorite coffee spot-Stingy Lulu's was a favorite hang out of mine- and in the deleted scenes there's even a disparaging comment about NYU-Eli Roth makes a cameo in this film as an amazed onlooker

This line also summarizes the premise of the film:

“We accidentally summoned demons who used to rule the universe to come take over the world”
Featured in Chris Garetano's documentary Horror Business, Zombie Honeymoon manages to be a heart touching romance, a bone crunchingly good zombie film, and chock full of laughs. Not a lot of movies can balance all of those elements.

“This movie is going to have more gun shots than any film in history, except for Sam Peckinpah’s The Wild Bunch. But we’re going to have exploding breasts and that’s much more historically significant.”
Ladies, want to punish your boyfriends? Make them watch this film. I promise they'll never let their eyes stray after jailbait again.

This one is for my dad, who was from NJ:

"I guess vegetarians just don’t make good cannibals"

When a young couple goes to vacation on the Jersey shore (can you spot the mistake here?), the husband has a near death experience after being vomited upon by a stranger at the beach.
You'll never eat chocolate again.

Forgive me for the pithiness, but my arm needs a break. If only that hand from Waxworks II could take dictation.


Ths line should be enough of a hint:
“Does you mother know that you cut mens balls off?”
Part All of Me and Part Frankenstein Created Woman this film is only worth watching because of Bruce Campbell. Ah Bruce Campbell, where would the world of contemporary horror be without this man’s chin?

Campbell recently complained about how hard it is to sign breasts in an interview he did for Fangoria’s Blood Drive II. What a trooper that guy is.

This splatastic film features a young couple, recently relocated, becoming the target of a religiously fixated neighbor whose hobbies include making bouquets with poisonous plants, injecting chocolates with horse laxatives, and contaminating the local water supply.
This film was directed by Herschell Gordon Lewis the man who is responsible for the original 2000 Manaics.

When a rich American goes to Bulgaria for a business deal, he finds that suddenly he must share his body with the consciousness of a Bulgarian cab driver when a mad scientist tampers with their bodies after they are both murdered by the same demented gypsy woman.
Chock full of cameos and film references, this little treat is like a horrible adaptation of Brigadoon complete with musical numbers that end in murder. There are plenty of little goodies in this film to keep an avid horror fan interested like an Eli Roth’s cameo appearance-this one involves an armadillo hit by a car and a cameo by “Dr. Mambo” of Cabin Fever fame.

An elderly woman with a stuffed wildcat and her demented son lure coeds into their home with fake ads for a room for rent and then murder them for their scalps, which are then sold for wigs. Extra bonus points for the name of the wildcat. Extra bonus points if you can identify the link between this film and 2001 Maniacs.
The film starred the actors who played the Greatest American Hero, Norm from Cheers, and Bull from Night Court. The sequel featured the actor who played Cliff Claven from Cheers.

“When have you ever been to a place with no electricity, no cable, no running water, no hot black bitches?” Every year a small ghost town decimated by the North during the Civil War has one week to kill as many Yankees as possible until the number of yanks murdered equals the murdered members of the town so that they can finally be at peace.
Well an alien species that would bother with trying to communicate with the dominant form of life here instead of just taking our resources and selling us for cheap intergalactic packing material is either crazy or stupid. You know what one I’m voting for.

And what is with Samuel L and the water based horror films?

Incidentally Jerry is the name of my father’s brother. I always thought he was a little odd.


Premise:
A newly divorced writer attempting to write about his experiences in Vietnam discovers his new house is haunted. This film starred three greats of 80s sitcom extra bonus points if you can name these three actors

Extra extra points if you can name the sitcom actor featured in the sequel.
Go office elf! You got it.

But what I want to know is what kind of benefits package is Heaven prepared to offer me?

Next film:


Man:I'm not putting in my report that I lost a crew member on a deep-sat expedition to find an alien named "Jerry."

From the same film:
Man: If this translation is right this alien sounds like an idiot.
Woman: That's something to consider - a stupid alien. Well, they must have them.
This film is Troma’s version of Death Wish. One of the only common denominators about this film is that all the male characters are perverts. From the sadistic pedophilic priest to the “family man” who is sexually obsessed with his daughter. About the only thing redeeming about this film was the poster for I Spit on Your Grave on the bathroom wall.

Pathologist:It’s a hermaphrodite
Cop: Imagine the possibilities.
Pathologist: Yeah, you can be frigid and impotent at the same time

And from the same film,“You’ll love it. Nobody tells when to go to bed. You eat all the ice cream you want. You get to kill all day and all night.”
Nope not Bride of the Re-animator, but Frankenhooker.

The next film, also about killing prostitutes in the name of reviving the dead, is more splatsick than splatstick:

“I was screwin’ the hottest cock and pussy in town. And then the big tits came. Then it was midgets, poodles, takin’ a piss on an 8 year old’s hairless cock.”

Premise: When a car accident kills his daughter and leaves his wife wheelchair bound, the husband/father becomes convinced that by killing prostitutes and other assorted scum, he can bring his daughter back to life.
At one point the gnomes actually taunt the hero over IM. ROFLMAO!

The next splatacular film:

“In a blaze of blood, bones, and body parts, the vivacious young girl was instantly reduced to a tossed human salad...a salad that police are still trying to gather up...a salad that was once named Elizabeth.”

The premise: A medical student whose fiancée died is obsessed with bringing her back to life augmented with the body parts of local “working girls” and some “super crack.”
I thought I'd follow up a bad werewolf movie with a good ones just to get the taste of Scott Baio out of your mouth. Neil Marshall, the director of this film, has a new film coming in August called the Descent. Definitely looks like one to watch.

Stop me if you've heard this one before: A dominatrix/drug dealer keeps an alien in a crate and uses liquid extracted from it and dried to make a new hallucinogen, only in order to keep the alien alive she must use the help of its minions to help slice and dice human flesh off of live victims for its sustenance.
This film reminds us of the rule that no actor from Dawson’s Creek should ever be in a horror film.

Ever.
Strangely Cursed was the result of the same team that brought Scream to the big screen Kevin Williamson and Wes Craven.

Here's your next film line:"We are now up against live, hostile targets. So, if Little Red Riding Hood should show up with a bazooka and a bad attitude, I expect you to chin the bitch.”
This craptacular movie has something for everyone from cameos by Bruce Campbell, Alexander Gudonov, and David Carradine to send ups of some of the greatest horror films of all times like Alien, The Haunting, Dawn of the Dead and Nosferatu.

Zach Galligan-what happened to you man? And this brings up a point I’d like to address. There are a lot of horror movie regulars who just vanished. Tim Thomberson for example. This guy was Jack friggin Deth and where is he now? Selling Amway? I think that some of these horror movie mags and so forth need to have a “Where are they now?” column.

The original Waxworks also features Dana Ashbrook (Girlfriend from Hell) and Deborah Foreman who appeared in April Fool’s Day, Lobster Man from Mars, and Sundown: the Vampire in Retreat.

Next film:

“I guess there's no such thing as safe sex with a werewolf.”

“I'm not going to kill her. I'm just gonna rip her to shreds and let her choke on her own blood... and then maybe I'll eat her.”
Another "Oh H.P. they do you wrong and I will not endure it" film. William Sanderson AKA Larry of "Hi, my name is Larry and this is my brother Daryl and this is my other brother Daryl" Newhart fame plays the "perfect vessel of the Elder Ones." The most horrifying thing in this film is Sanderson's teeth. You would have thought his appearance in Newhart was disgusting, but you have no idea. I think tag line for this film should have been "Hi I'm Yog-Sothoth and this my brother Cthulu and this is my other brother Cthulu."

Next Film:

Woman: You sadistic, egotistical, incestuous, bloodthirsty pervert.
Man: Does that mean you don’t love me?

When a girl’s father is murdered by a disembodied hand and she is put on trial for his murder, her only hope of acquittal is for her and her boyfriend travel through time.
Darkkat was indeed correct. Peter Jackson's debut film took 4 years to make. A classic of splatastic filmmaking which involves a scene in which a human has infiltrated the alien hide out is forced to drink bright green alien upchuck. Mmmmmm vomit. It's what's for dinner.

Premise:

When a mountain man who is part of an incestuous clan is taken into an asylum after killing his entire family, a young intern becomes convinced that the electronic impulses he is experimenting with can release the superior intelligence of the fetal twin trapped in the mountain man’s back. But what he is trying to release is something decidedly inhuman.
This wanna be Pitch-Black film was apparently inspired by a video game reinforcing the lesson we learned from Silent Hill: Don’t use video games as the basis of horror films. Also like many crappy horror films it claims to be inspired by H.P. Lovecraft. Oh Howard, they dishonor the name of mighty Cthulu and Nyarlathotep. Your vengeance should be swift and very very bloody and hopefully not captured on film and screened on the sci fi channel at 2 am.

Next Film: Aliens come to Earth to use human beings as cheap meat for an intergalatic fast food enterprise in this academy award winning director’s debut film.
Carol Kane reprises her role only now as a kind of psychiatric social worker counseling a young college coed with an unfortunate mullet who is stalked by a failed ventriloquist for apparent reason. Notice how serial killers in the late 70s early 80s didn't really need a motive. The original Halloween, he just wants to kill babysitters. The original When a Strangers Calls he's just a twisted guy with a knack for breaking into houses. Now it's all lengthy monologues about "Why I Kill."

This film reminds me about the most unfortunately named horror sequel to come out of Japan: One Missed Call 2. Seriously. Even Another Missed Call would have been a better title.

I digress, you want your next trivia moment.

The premise of this film, explained in a lengthy voice over, involves a vanished Indian tribe called the Abkani, a government agency, and a rogue agent who performs experiments on orphans.

Featured line: “Fear is what protects you from the things you don’t believe in.”
Remember what I said about trying to focus on modern films? Hard to believe this film was released just last year. Apparently my friend's theory that all horror franchise eventually end up in NY or space or sometimes NY and then space was a tad bit short sighted. Apparently in the end we all go to the cyber world. Except for Lawnmower Man, which started there.

Here is a line

"You can not say that you don’t believe in violence unless you can also say that you don’t believe in living.”

And here is the premise from the same film: A babysitter finds herself stalked by a demented ventriloquist with a dramatic flair for body paint.
New player RG got that one. Demon Seed was a kind of HAL from 2001 meets Rosemary’s Baby fusing the demon child film which was popular in the 70s with the technology gone awry film which would become popular in the 80s.

Ok Let's stay with computers gone bad for the time being:

A group of computer hackers is terrorized by demons after opening a virtual game cube on the website Hellworld.com.
As I said in my review, when half way through the film the only character you want to make it through to the end is the dog, you know it's crap.

Here's another premise for you:

A super computer succeeds in raping its creator's wife in order to recreate itself in a hybrid baby.
I just can not get me enough of that Jigsaw. I can't wait until Saw III comes out. Strange I thought that line was a dead give away. Here's a premise for another film:

In this remake, a plan apparently consists of one man, one dog, and one flashlight against an entire village of mutants with a predilection for watching Divorce Court.
Because you haven't lived until you've seen Lance Henrikson battle flying Pirhanas. The director in question would go on to direct Titanic. That's right, James Cameron.

Sidenote: I should inform you that I am having technical difficulties. For some reason I am not able to see the comments at the moment. I'm sure it will correct itself soon, but just fyi.

And now for a line. This one I think is pretty obvious so you just get the one line, here you go:

"If you’re going to threaten me with a knife, you might as well cut me a little.”
Milk Tea got it for answering first. Let's stay with killer fish for now. Here is your next premise.

When the army abandons a project to create the ultimate killing machine by splicing a pirhana with a flying fish, the airborne results terrorize a small tropical island in this academy award winning director’s debut film
So here's your first trivia question. Can you recognize the premise of this film:

An “Oops we created the ultimate killing machine by screwin’ around with fish” film, scientists attempting to find the cure for Alzheimer’s by increasing the brain matter in sharks find themselves trapped on a floating lab with little hope of escaping from their enhanced creations.
Mornin' and Welcome. Before the whole wacky sleepless hijinx ensues I thought I would take a moment to explain the ideology behind my little horror trivia game, how to play, and other totally useless information to take up space in your brain that should be used for useful information instead of knowing the names of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.



My father was a big fan of horror films. All of them. Good. Bad. Ugly. Low budget. Poorly acted. Ridiculously premised. He loved them all. It was perhaps one of the few things we bonded over. We would get a whole bunch of crap from the 24 hour store (cream soda, bright orange "cheese" popcorn, pretzel sticks, strawberry soda, chocolate covered donuts, gummy worms) and stay up watching some of the worst dreck ever to grace the small screen. Occassionally, we would treat ourselves to actually going out, getting bucket of popcorn drenched in bright yellow food coloring, a jacuzzi sized coke, and seeing a movie on the big screen.

During those evenings, my father espoused the theory that every film, no matter how awful, had one line that made the whole movie worth watching. I have since refined his theory. It is not always a line:it can be a scene or premise. You see it and you think "That's why I just wasted two hours of my time." For my part, I was always fascinated by the fact that at some point, no matter how egregiously stupid the plot, someone thought, "Oh yeah, people are going to LOVE this." This was the beginning of the theory that would become the central philsophy of my life: every really huge mistake you will ever make will seem like a good idea at the time. And now the time has come to finally use my wasted youth in the name of a good cause.


Sound familiar? Well, it should. I did a similar version of this game last year. So how is this year different? This year there is a prize for the winner of the trivia game. Also I've picked all different movies. Last year I tried to pick movies that my father would have loved and so there was an emphasis on older films, this year I tried to focus mainly on films that have been released during the last five years. Besides what could be more in keeping with the horror tradition than a whole bunch of sequels?


The way it will work is that I will post a line or describe a scene or premise in one or two sentences. If I feel the line is obscure, I may couple a premise or give more than one line. You can ask for hints. In addition some of the films have extra bonus questions. You, my precious readers, then have 30 minutes to guess what horror film I am referring to and write the title in the appropriate comments field. The title of the next post will be the answer to the question and the body of this post will contain a new horror film line, premise or scene. The commenter with the most correct identifications at the end of 24 hours will win a prize.



No, not the Arthur Miller novel. Well let's leave behind the unpleasant events of this week-my cousin's impending incarceration,, the animosity manifested in the comments field, my lost ATM card-and focus on BLOGATHON 2006!!!!


I've got my bag of candy from Dylan's including gummi brains, sour worms, nerds, heartbreakers, and gummi bunnis. I have my killer bunni slippers, my hello kitty pjs, my official house of 1000 corpses red hot pussy liquors t-shirt, and of course Marv clean and at the ready. I have my bag o' lush products-whoosh jelly and party on temple balm for during and dream time, bathos, and hot milk for after. I have typhoo for during and stress relief tea for after. I've got stay the fuck awake music (lots of punk). Here is a picture of Bunni Blogathon Central Command:



Because I know I can go all night long, but can you?

If you haven't yet, you can sponsor me here . If you can't give, that's ok spread the word. Since I'll be running two blogs for the 'thon I figured I might not have much time to answer emails and so on about how I'm doing. I've set up a group blog How's My Blogathon? so that Bakerina, Keith and Hopeless Flirt as well as myself can post on how we are fairing so far. Since that blog isn't participating in the blogathon, we'll just be updating when we want. If you want to see some behind the scenes of blogathon head over there- I've got a digital camera people and I'm not afraid to use it!

If you're lucky, you'll be able to say you stayed up all night long with with Bunni. Now that's a story you can tell your grandkids!
If you haven't noticed, I don't stay friends with people longer than five years. The reason is simple. I have a tendency to swallow my rage. I can, apparently, ingest years of it without much upset, but then without warning I hit the breaking point usually somewhere between 3-5 years. And once that point hits, there is no going back. What happens then is simple, the person stops existing for me. I've done this with entire groups of people and with such frequency I might even be able to label a lifestyle choice. To the person on the other side, this is often a surprising revelation. The Buddhist learned this the "hard way" this May as did Rabid. Remember them? Used to be they got a lot of coverage here and then suddenly gone.

I'm not the only writer who operates this way-Philip Roth's ex-wife Claire Bloom had similar complaints about him. And for those who think I've exposed them here they might contemplate the humiliation Philip has visited upon his ex-wife and her daughter or for that matter what David Sedaris has visited upon his entire family, former roommates, and Macy's.

I've tried my best to protect people in the past. I've not blogged about events, I've used pseudonyms, I've changed details all the name of trying to minimize damage,but I've learned from the past when I have sacrificed my own expression for others that it never turns out well anyway and once you start listening to their demands, it never ends. If I worried about causing offense or upsetting people I'd never get up in the morning nevermind blog. And so I've learned to write here what I want to write and try to protect when possible, but if it is not possible accept the loss. For that expression I've not only exposed my friends, family, co-workers, but myself. And I've lost long term friends, lovers, and god knows who else as a result.

And I can live with that.

I'll say this, I never intended for people I knew in real life to find out about the blog. The blog was supposed to be about writing and expressing myself not a gossip column-why people who know me in real life would want to read this is beyond me-and if it wasn't for the blogathon and all the hard work people like Blogmonkey and Kiss Kiss have put into this blog, I would shut it down right now and open it up at some other URL. I may very well do so yet, but not before the blogathon. Finally, I have protected all of those I've written about with pseudonyms, I expect those of you who know me in real life to respect me in kind.

And for those of you who threaten me and insult my regular readers, I haven't threatened you and for you to cast your insults on those who read me when clearly it me you take issue with is unacceptable. Your comments will not be tolerated. As Snowball says in one of her more recent posts, this is not a democracy and so I feel completely comfortable deleting comments and banning ISPs at will.

Now I'm going to go get fucking drunk and forget about the lot of you.
You know if there is anything that makes me more miserable than my existence as it is currently, it's what my friends say when they try to "help" me by saying things to me like "You're sick."

Well, first of all, it's not like I haven't noticed. A variety of mental illnesses run in the family and when you add into all the childhood trauma (the cancer, treatments, living with an insane alcoholic), it's kind of hard to imagine that I would emerge completely unscathed. I know I'm not well mentally-that's why I've been in therapy for 11 years and on and off medication for both depression and panic disorder. But thanks, thanks for your very sophisticated diagnosis. I wasn't feeling so good before but now that I know that my friends think that I'm seriously fucked up I feel so much better.

This coming from a person who calls her 22 pound MALE cat by a female name and has to speak to her live in boyfriend eight or nine times a day.

And then of course, the blame. It's my fault that I'm so miserable because I crochet in bars because I've given up because I don't go out and do "other things". Ignoring that I've done speed dating, cyber dating, I used to belong to gym, I volunteered for about every charity event I could think of, I went to all kinds of events listed in Time Out New York, and that's just the beginning of the fucking list. And you know what I'm tired. It's been five fucking years already. Five. And the only men I meet are men already in relationships and men who just got out of one and are so totally scarred that they can't even think the word relationship without potentially risking a grand mal seizure.

And of course, they claim I'm always surrounded by men. Even if that was true, which it isn't, where the fuck are they? why don't they ever call? I'm not picky when a guy calls to go out. I've been known to date men for weeks that I barely like just to give them every opportunity to become someone I might be attracted to.

So I'm crazy and miserable because of my own apparent idiocy.

You know what, don't think we're that close. Don't think that I love you enough that you can say these things to me. Do me a favor and pretend that I'm someone you kind of know but not enough that you can bitchslap me with the truth whenever you feel like it. Pretend that I'm someone that you have to be nice to because that's what I do with you. When I get asked for advice about say alcoholic boyfriends with anger management problems I don't say what I want to say, I don't say "Leave him because I've seen what this kind of relationship can do a person." I try to give the advice that A I know the person wants to hear and B is somewhat constructive like "Go to a counselor together."

Because if this is what you think love is, I don't want any part of it.
4:30 AM return from evening at Snapper Creek in which I managed to completely piss off some 19 year old from Minnesota moving here in January

5 AM Fall asleep on the couch

9:30 Wake up and put on the beginning of Wes Craven's the New Nightmare while I begin to organize my day

10:08 Receive phone call from my mother that my cousin is going to a Federal Prison for 4-5 years. Discussion: how long has she known about this (4 days), how long has my aunt/uncle known about this (much longer but specific time frame undisclosed), the fallout (seemingly none-the only people upset by this event seem to be my mother and I-even my cousin seems completely unphased), what is really wrong with my cousin (my mother seems to think that he is a pedophile and therefore has a severe mental illness-I think it more likely that because of the socially isolated way in which he grew up coupled with the meds he was put on he simply doesn't have a well developed sense of ethics/social norms), who is at fault (why is my mother and I feel guilty and his parents don't?) and family dynamic (why did I not get told about any of this until now? Why doesn't my family TALK about problems?)

10:40 Attempt to check email for good news-no luck

12:32 run downtown to pick up special yarn to finish pocketbook I am making for premiere of LovecraCked

1:19 return home

1:36 Kiss Kiss calls, first decent moment of the day

1:51 get off the phone

2:00 business phone call (financial)

2:19 business call ends

2:30 work on pocketbook while watching The New Nightmare-eat one slice of cold pizza

4:08 Finish pocketbook

4:10 paint fingernails pink with glitter topcoat

4:25 get into bath (amandando and elixir)

5:10 get out of bath and get dressed

5:17 let Bakerina into apartment

5:35 dressed and made up, collect bag of goodies for premiere (gummi brains, acid pops, killer rabbit, notebook)

5:46 leave apartment headed for ATM

5:48 discover my ATM card is missing

5:51 return home-borrow money for cab from Bakerina

6:00 block ATM card while en route to the Pioneer Theater

6:15 meet Kiss Kiss on the steps of Pioneer Theater

6:30 mingle with other LovecraCked viewers

700 Premiere begins

9:30 movie and Q and A end-Kiss Kiss and I repair to a bar for a much needed martini

10:15 leave bar

10:20 Get into cab

12:00 Finally get some much needed rest
"Whenever I think I've hit rock bottom, someone throws me a shovel." -Garfield

As if I don't have enough to cope with in terms of panic disorder, depression, my boss calling to ask if I'm going to come back in teach in the Fall, my concern that even though I'm smart I'm not good enough to do another job like one with health insurance, and not to mention the usual living in New York stress I've just found out that my cousin, the closest person I have to a sibling (we were both named after the same person and are both disabled) has been sentenced to 4-5 years in a Federal Prison.

And this is how I started the day.

When I went to Dylan's Candy Bar yesterday I loaded up on goodies (gummi brains, sour worms etc) for tonight's premiere of LovecraCked, and I bought some extra chocolates for myself including a Lion Bar. Apparently a prescient move. I'll be having a lion bar for breakfast before I go run around like a lunatic so that I can be fabulous at this premiere and not worry about the exponentially increasing list of things wrong with my life right now.

I promise I'll finish the Maine stories before Blogathon 2006 but right now I need a two martini breakfast.
I thought I would give you a little rundown of an average Bunni day so you might understand why it is that I don't blog perhaps as often as the rest of you would like. The day in question is yesterday.

9 am or there about-minimal consciousness is achieved followed by a shower, debate about outfit, outfit selected, outfit rejected, second outfit selected, doubts about second outfit, original outfit contemplated again, third outfit selected and donned

930 or so coffee at favorite coffee place with Bakerina

1100 embark to feed friend's cat

1115 go to hardware store to pick up yarn in order to finish get well present

1140 Bakerina and I get on the M15 going downtown

12:15 Disembark around 28th street

12:17 begins to rain

12:20 Bakerina and I seek shelter at Curry in a Hurry

1:00 Bakerina and I go to School Products where I marvel over yarn from Italy and France as well as several books on crochet. I control myself and buy only what I need for two projects.

1:40 Bakerina and I go to M and J Trim where we wonder in childlike awe of ribbons, buttons, appliques, lace, and crystals.

2:30 Bakerina and I decide to go to a yarn store at the Seaport.

2:45 Bakerina and I discover after much underground meandering that the 4 and 5 are completely closed going downtown. We take the 2 instead.

4:00 We finally arrive at Seaport Yarn. There is an amazing inventory but not enough airconditioning. We quickly make our purchases.

4:35 After more underground wandering, we discover that essentially every train we might be able to take is out and cursing New York public Transit. We jump on the two uptown covered in sweat.

5:00 After walking upstairs stying to find the L we decide to take the bus instead.

5:20 We arrive at Knit New York where I find a crochet magazine and several crochet hooks. The cafe is crowded and so we end up sitting next to a large family including one ten year old girl wearing a skirt short enough to be a belt desperately in need of a sedative and some self control. Bakerina and I set ourselves up at a table and get some lemonade and finally relax with our yarn for a bit.

6:30 Bakerina and I head uptown on the bus.On our way there we discover that the L is also closed and silently thank our wisdom at not seeking it out and ending up even more sweaty and frustrated than we already were.

7:05 Bakerina and I rendez-vous with her husband. We grab a slice and leisurely head over to Clerks II.

7:50 After marveling over the line for My Super Ex Girlfriend, Clerks II begins to a modest audience.

9:35 Thoroughly pleased, we leave the theater.

10:00 I head over to feed friend's cat. On the way I run into a guy who according to the girl's bathroom network is attracted to me physically and mentally, but has just gone through a bad break up with his girlfriend and so doesn't want to "lead me on" because he doesn't want another relationship. Decide to say hello but not stop walking.

10:15 Feed cat and drink a glass of water. So hot my clothes are sticking to my body. Call friends to see what is going on. I am promised later hijinx and phone calls.

10:35 Return to my properly cool apartment. No phone calls.

11:15 Finishing stitching up pocketbook (present). Begin next project.No phone calls.

1:00 Lights out, but unable to sleep. No phone calls.

2:30 Fall asleep. No phone calls.

There you have it the non stop excitement that is my Saturday.