Welcome to Loon Lake
Right now I'm in Maine at a very large camp for apparently very rich Jewish kids. It looks like a cross between the camp in Dirty Dancing and the lake in Friday the Thirteenth because it's so abandoned since there are no kids here at the moment. I feel like one of the kids who got lured into the mountain by the Pied Piper-the videogames and pinball machines are rigged so we don't have to pay. Boy do I suck big moose cock at Donkey Kong, but my Ms Pacman skills haven't left me. We took the paddle boat out and just drifted-my jeans rolled up my feet trailing in the water like Huck Finn-the boat even had a beverage holder. Yesterday the Big bad and I investigated a biker bar. Investigated in the sense that we both drank Pabst Blue Ribbons, and I talked to the bartender about going to Italy.

Soon we shall be having a surf and turn dinner with real Maine lobster. I've managed not to kill anyone, although it's early yet. Unfortunately I can't give more details but I'll say this I've been reminded why I enjoy travelling alone.

Everything I Needed to Know About the Holy Grail I Learned from Monty Python: The Da Vinci Code
Essentially the Da Vinci Code reinforces what I learned from Monty Python and the Holy Grail-the French are obnoxious and are in possession of the Holy Grail. I know many reviewers thought that it was boring, but they simply don't realize it was intended as a comedy. For how else is the audience expected to respond to Tom Hanks confessing that he prayed to Jesus to get him out of a well so he could play with his dog again to the evil self flaggellating hit man for the Lord? Incidentally, is there a contract that requires Paul Bettany to get buck ass naked in a movie every five years?

I actually found the Da Vinci Code an inspiring experience because if the character of Langdon can be accepted as a genius than I can officially apply to become the president of MENSA. I also decided that I definitely need to go and work for Columbia. If they pay a twit like that enough to stay at a hotel like the one featured in the film, I will be able to live at the Ritz in Florence every summer as opposed to getting the emails about "I don't think I deserve this grade" from students who didn't even bother to feign interest while I barely make enough money to pay my rent.

I do have to love the film for one line-"I need to get to library!" A man after my own heart.

If only I had one.

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