Adieu to Possession
I have finished Possession
by A.S. Byatt and now am moving on to Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet
and then the Sorrows of Young Werther
by Goethe ( I know you pine for these details.)
But I thought I should leave you with a quote from Possession. It fascinates me because I have always been intrigued by the intimacy of sleeping with someone. I don't mean sex, I mean sharing the experience of sleep, which in many ways, to me, is even more intimate. Another story that discusses this intimacy is "In the House of Sleeping Beauties." Here it is:
One night they fell asleep, side by side, on Maud's bed, where they had been sharing glass of Calvados. He slept curled aginst her back, a dark comma against her pale elegant phrase.
They did not speak of this, but silently negotiated another such night. It was important to both of them that the touching should not proceed to any kind of fierceness or deliberate embrace. They felt that in some wy this stately peacefulness of unacknowledged contact gave back their sense of their seperate lives inside their seperate skins. Speech, the kind of speech they knew, would have undone it...
Neither was sure how much, or what, all this meant to the other.
Neither dared ask.
Bad Bunni posted at 9/13/2003 02:07:00 PM
Man: You can't even tell the difference between a french and a chinese restaurant. They are very different.
Woman: Not in my inner emotional subjective experience of them they're not
Sci Fi Saturday
Bad Bunni posted at 9/13/2003 01:58:00 PM
As I was drinking my tea and working on a story of mine i put the tv on the sci fi channel. It was showing a film called Loch Ness starring of all people Ted Danson and IAN HOLM.
Now who in the hell did Ian Hold piss off to end up in that piece of dreck? I mean, a supporting actor to TED DANSON?
Even more evidence, that there is no Hell, that the worst of the worst is here on Earth.
HALF THE COUNTRY WANTS BUNNI
Bad Bunni posted at 9/13/2003 01:28:00 PM
Yep, my mate.com numbers reflect that members from 25 different states have expressed interest.
Jin thinks I should stop calling them men and start calling them delegates from the Bunni Regime.
Ah yes, today my apartment, TOMORROW THE WORLD!!!!!!
Guys, a little effort
Bad Bunni posted at 9/13/2003 01:19:00 PM
Ok so I was in a movie the other day and there was an ad for Red Stripe Beer. Now let's ignore the oddity of a movie ad for beer. Red Stripe's slogan is "It's Beer. Hooray Beer."
Finally an ad campaign for beer that reflects the intelligence level you'll be at after you have a few.
Other Blogs Remember
What some mefi-ites were thinking one year ago today
What some mefi-ites are thinking today
What "smitten" was doing 2 years ago today
Bad Bunni posted at 9/13/2003 12:02:00 AM
The Yeti Remembers September 10, 2001-"an excersize in courage and wisdom"
Paul Frankenstein remembers
My Mother's Joke
Bad Bunni posted at 9/11/2003 02:00:00 PM
So my mother knows I'm seriously depressed and she sends me this joke to cheer me up:
A young woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome
young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of f ruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked."I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."
He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
You better hope you have G-d's personal support because you are going to need his undivided attention
Bad Bunni posted at 9/10/2003 04:01:00 PM
Ok I am having one of those weeks where I am
the reason there is gun control, when even Wayne Lapierre would say, "Yeah we totally support the right of all Americans to bear arms, every cross-eyed, snaggle-toothed, Boone's swillin', Bubba belt buckle wearin' American I don't care how many psychiatric reports there are on the guy, I don't care if he's a three time repeat felon, I don't care if he uses kittens for target practice-the founding father's garanteed us this right and, like freedom of speech, we should all be able to avail ourselves to it......uh, except her-she REALLY shouldn't be armed."
If someone doesn't die by the end of the week by my hand, I'll consider it a personal accomplishment and I'll have to reward myself by taking in "American Splendor."
Honey, let's go to Plan B
Bad Bunni posted at 9/10/2003 03:47:00 PM
I was riding the bus today and there is now "emergency contraception" ( AKA "Ya fucked up good") called Plan B. I don't know about you, but I don't trust a medication with the oh so scientific name PLAN B. It sounds to me like Wiley Coyote's contraceptive plan. I just think that drugs should have more, uh, drug like names like Zyrtec, Clonazepam ( the generic form of Clinopin) Ortho Tri Cyclen. Even the IUD, although vague, has a more scientific name.
Besides isn't plan B usually a whole bunch of sobbing on the bathroom and promises to G-d that you will never never never as long as you live do something this stupid again if only he ( fill in the blank).
The Conspiracy of Everyday Objects
Bad Bunni posted at 9/09/2003 10:48:00 PM
When I was in high school I found this one act play. For the most part is was non descript-two couples losing their minds, but one line in the play caught my attention. This woman is having delusions. She talks about "the conspiracy of every day objects against me." I thought it really captured the true nature of paranoia.
Gunter Grasse had a pretty good handle on it too in the Tin Drum.
"Now I know that everything watches. That nothing goes unseen. Even wallpaper has a memory that is longer than out own. It's not G-d in his heaven who sees everything, but a half filled ashtray, a wooden hanger, the stature of a woman named Niobe, are all everlasting witnesses to everyone of our acts."
Such a quotation in this day and age seems particularly accurate since we are constantly under the gaze of unseen cameras. Cameras in traffic lights and street lamps. Cameras in teddy bears ( nanny cam) and pins. The cameras of our neighbors.
On a day like today, I totally feel the truth of those lines. From your hairbrush in the morning to your own feet on the way home.
But really when you think the coffee cup is against you...you're probably right.
Dead Crow Expert
Bad Bunni posted at 9/09/2003 09:57:00 PM
So my mother calls and leaves this answering machine message:
So you know there is a lot of West Nile where I live and so a lot of the bird population has it. So today I find a dead crow in the driveway. I think "that can't be good." So I tell my VP and he says "That can't be good. Ask T." And T says, "That can't be good. Call Bunni. She knows about these kinds of things. She understand them." So I'm calling you to see what you think.
And my students think that education is useless. They could experts in dead crow symbolism.
The Problem of a Common Problem
Bad Bunni posted at 9/09/2003 09:36:00 PM
I wrote this yesterday when I distracted during a meeting. I meant to write "the problem of a common curriculum" but when I saw this today I thought it was much more accurate. I was attempting to teach the young 'uns-some who still are open about not having a book AS IF THIS IS MY FAULT. Really, listen, I tell you you need the book, but I can't redesign the semester to meet all of your financial needs. There are other students in the class, BORROW A BOOK, or for the love of G-d and all things holy, photo copy the relevant pages and read them.
On top of that I am in one of inky depressions. Really bad. I can't even talk about it now. There are other issues to discuss. I have much to write, but no time as the little ones tend to eat it up.
You dab your eyes at the end and wonder what is so wrong about the love of a lesbian for a dinosaur.
Bad Bunni posted at 9/09/2003 04:32:00 PM
I just couldn't resist that line from Penny Arcade's
review of Underworld. To give you a little context-the reviewer is saying that Underworld is less engaging than Romeo and Juliet.
Romeo and Juliet is a Goddamn timeless template. I saw it set in Ireland with an all female cast and it still worked, one family was all lesbians and one was all dinosaurs. You just can't fuck it up. You dab your eyes at the end and wonder what is so wrong about the love of a lesbian for a dinosaur.
Some classic reviewing.
Actually the reviewer criticized the concept of a vampire fallin' for a werewolf as "been done." I'm sure Buffy the Vampire Slayer had something to do with that. ( OK not necessarily a vampire and a werewolf, but a werewolf and a Jewish witch and vampire and a slayer which is in it's conception very Romeo and Juliet.) But there was a great little satire I read many years ago about a werewolf, just biten and still confused, who falls in love with a vampiress who he meets at an art gallery on a rainy day ( the only reason she could be outside). Of course her family objects and wacky familial/vampire hijinx ensue, but eventually they wed. And then the real fun begins.
A local clergyman starts a crusade against them. The young couple, who were living peacefully in the country side have a child. The country rises up against them. Much torture is visited upon them, at which point their "mostrous" nature emerges. The vampiress ravages the clergyman's wife, while the werewolf eviscerates several country folk. And the clergy man? He is bitten by the werevamp hybrid child making him as the narrator says "G-d knows what." The message of the tale ( which is actually very funny-no really) is that buying into stereotypic hatred makes us into what we fear most. On top of that it is humans who are trying monstrous, not the "monsters" we invent that go bump in the night.
As soon as I find the story and the author I'll let you know. I'm sure you can't wait.
The Lost Art of Reading
Bad Bunni posted at 9/08/2003 10:30:00 PM
So I gave my students an in class writing today. I handed out the sheet detailing what I wanted them to do. One of the instructions is, "Please skip lines." About ten minutes in a student raises his hand, "Should I skip lines?" "What does it say?" He scans and still misses the answer. "Yes you should." Half the class sighs and starts the assignment again.
"Jesus H. Christ on a fucking crutch, why is this happening to me?" Natural Born Killers
Bad Bunni posted at 9/08/2003 04:12:00 PM
Oh lord, today being at school is actually an improvement over yesterdays marinating in anxiety. However I have had to cross Yale off the list of perspective grad. programs. Not only do they want me to be proficient in TWO languages, one of which being latin ( which I could maybe swing with a lot of practice as I took two years of latin in MIDDLE SCHOOL) but they also want me to submit a 20 page paper of scholarly analysis that has been published. Uh guys, if I could do that, why would I need the PhD? Just askin'.
Not that their demands are so ridiculous, I think they are actually legitimate. It's just I can't pull it off by Dec. 15th.
I have other stuff, but no patience or effort to write it.
The Depressive Obsessive
Bad Bunni posted at 9/08/2003 04:02:00 PM
Talking to Jin he though it might be theraputic for me to write out an imagiend dialogue between eric and myself
Bunni: ( mumbling ) hey
Eric:I see you smoke now
Bunni: On occassion. I see you do too.
Eric: Every day.
Eric: You doing ok?
Bunni just stares
Eric: Sorry, just thought...
Bunni: Why don't you tell me what you want?
Eric: Well, I just thought, I thought I would tell you, I just wanted you to know that you did help me. I've been realizing how much you did for me. I just came to tell you that.
Bunni: Did you think that would help? Did you think I would feel better to know that my ruined life served some purpose?
Eric looks down
Bunni: Funny, you always put more faith in the power of words than I did. Words mean nothing without actions behind them. You come here and say I helped. You appreciate what I did, but you don't offer to return the favor do you? You don't offer to help.
Eric: I don't know how I could.
Bunni: The guy who knew me better than anyone and you can't come up with one thing to make my life better? To help me? That's just an excuse.
Eric: I can't think of something that would make you feel better that I am capable of or that would hurt you more in the long run.
Bunni: So you can be blameless as well as useless.
Eric: You know it hurt me too.
Bunni: It was your choice.
Eric:I miss you sometimes.
Bunni: I'm honored.
Eric: When does this end? When do you finally stop with this?
Bunni:It doesn't. It never ends.
Eric: So you just give up?
Bunni: Why not? You did.
Eric: I didn't give up.
Bunni: You were going to leave me a fucking note after two weeks of not feeling ok? That's you're idea of fighting the good fight?
Eric: I'm young. I wasn't ready for that. You knew that.
Bunni: Yes I did. And you remember in the beginning when I told you I didn't want anything serious? When I fought against YOUR desire for a serious relationship? When you needed me it was all about commitment and the minute you didn't you packed up your stuff and left.
Eric: I tried to be friends with you.
Bunni: You tried to have everything you wanted without any price, without any cost. All you lost was my good conversation, but in the end look at you. You benefitted. And you come here and offer me what? Not even a card.
Eric:Why do you do this to yourself?
Bunni: Why is it any of your concern?
Eric is silent.
Bunni: You walk back in here nd suddenly I am to believe you are the soul of concern. What are you really trying to accomplish here?
Eric: Would you believe I am trying to make things better for you?
Bunni: And what was your master plan? Show up?
Eric: I didn't know. I still don't. You act as if this wa what I intended. You think I don't want you to be happy?
Bunni: I think if you do, it's just so that you don't have to feel guilty.
Eric: If that's what you think of me, why do you still want me then?
Bunni: Why does a drug addict want a drug they know is dangerous?
Eric:Was I all that bad?
Eric: Then you should be happy to be rid of me.
Bunni: Should and are-two very different things.
Eric: So there is nothing I can do.
Bunni: Save my life. Find me a better job. Help pay for my apartment. Get me a boyfriend.
Eric: Why don't you do that?
Bunni: Don't you think I've been trying but when you have a sucking chest wound that is infected it's hard to find the will to get up in the morning. I mean so much to you, prove it.
Eric: I can't.
Bunni: What a shock. And you know the sad part, it won't ever hurt you, this heartlessness of yours. It will hurt those around you, but not you. You will see the destruction but always convince yourself that you did your best or you weren't at fault.
Eric: I am hurt.
Bunni: No, you just think you are. No if you were hurt it would show in your face. It would age you, like it has aged me. I would be able to see it, to recognize it. But there really isn't any point in this.
Eric: But you did get good things from our relationship too. I was the only one who benefited.
Bunni: What ever the gain, I payed for it ten fold. I came out in debt, not owning the house. Don't say anything more, just leave. You can at the very least handle that.
I go to bed now.
Bad Bunni posted at 9/08/2003 01:26:00 AM
Muriel: When I was in Porpoise Spit, I used to listen to Abba's Dancing Queen. Sometimes I would close myself in my room and listen to it all day. And since I've been here with you I haven't listened to one Abba song, not one. And that's because now my life is as good as an Abba song, it's as good as "Dancing Queen."
( showing today on HBO)
More Fun with Lack of Sensation
Bad Bunni posted at 9/07/2003 07:41:00 PM
Yep, I wake up this morning and my toes on my left foot are cut up. I have no idea how since I can't feel them. The odd part is that the cuts are on the top of the foot. I have no idea how I could have got them, why only on the left? Why on the TOP of the feet? How the hell did I casually pull that one off?
This happens fairly often blisters and cuts that I have no idea how they formed because when you can't feel your feet, you just keep going. Nothing to stop you. When something does finally hurt me you can be sure it's pretty severe. For example in college I got a blister so deep that my doctor was afraid that it hit the bone. I didn't even know I HAD a blister. If I hadn't taken my socks off for movement class, and my teacher noticed the blister, I would have never known in all likelihood. And it's always fun to tell the doctor, "Uh I have no idea how long it's been there."
When I did my first ballroom competition, the back of my foot started to believe. The funny thing is my teacher told my foot was bleeding, and I looked at the wrong one. Afterwards everyone was so impressed with my dedication, that I would keep dancing with a bloody foot (It was nothing compared to what happened at christmas when after a mini showcase I took off my shoe to find my foot covered in blood). I didn't have the heart to tell them there was no dedication involved-it just didn't hurt. And since the damage was already done there was no reason for me to stop.
But it is, even for me, odd to wake up and find damage to my body and have no way to explain it. For me it's another way that my body is seperate from myself.
Bad Bunni's New Goy Boy Toy
Bad Bunni posted at 9/07/2003 04:55:00 PM
Just thought I would inform the collective that there is a new boy toy in town. Actually I met him almost two months ago, but I haven't wanted to write about him in case he ended up being as disappointing as Bishop. He has proven himself in battle so to speak and so I have decided to give him a name, Dixie Man ( yep another good ole southern boy).
He's rather a deviation from my usual type physically ( he doesn't look like a greyhound). But he does have the bluest eyes, I mean we are talking Spice Blue from Dune. The glow in the dark, what part of Jersey are you from blue.
Of course it's not his eyes I want him for. Let's just say if Tony the Tiger ever wants to go into early retirement, we have found a suitable replacement to teach his course. (Actually since this guy is very intelligent, he has something on Tony the Tiger. I don't actually have to kiss him just to keep him from saying something overwhelmingly stupid. Still, I don't really want either for their conversation.)
I'm thinking I should have t-shirts made "Bad Bunni's Boy Toy" with the official Bunni's depressed seal of approval (I know you're laughing, Jin).
Another craft project for Jin and me.
Bad Bunni posted at 9/07/2003 04:32:00 PM