But tonight is not the night

Just had the following phone conversation:

Bunni: I'm not cold, and I'm wearing a tank top.

Israel: You are half naked?

Bunni: No, a tank top and leopard print pajama bottoms.

Israel: Oh, too bad. Are you alone in bed?

Bunni: You mean aside from my cat?

Israel: That's not the answer I was looking for.

Bunni: Sorry.

Israel: Let's try that again. Are you alone in bed?

Bunni: Yes.

Israel: But I think tonight is not the night for me to join you in your bed.

Bunni: That's ok, it's covered in papers.

Israel: I think I could take care of that in half a second.

Bunni: You've obviously never seen the bed of an english professor.

Be prepared to be wrong

Ah Luke Duke has been sending me emails. As I said, initially I really liked him, now I am seriously annoyed by him. He is getting awfully clingy for a guy who hasn't met me yet.

Here's an abridged version ( omitting some biographical details) of his last email:

Bunni,
...Things will go well, I can feel it! You have to understand me and my empathy, it is never wrong, its what I go by and its never let me down, sometimes you just know...
Luke

Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke.

Sometimes you just know, huh? Well, baby, maybe this is NOT one of those times.

Let me tell you, men have had THAT feeling about me before. In fact, Speedfreak said he had that feeling the moment he met me.

So my advice, Luke, I would be prepared to be wrong, baby, in the worst damn way.
Suspicion

What is it about a romantic complimentary guy that just makes me suspcious? What is it about a guy, who when he hears you are having a bad day, takes you out for a glass of wine, pumps you full of compliments, and then tells you that you are a genius and he is going to pay to send you to grad school because you are his girlfriend, makes me think that he has some sort of ulterior motive? What is it about a guy who respects my body, takes care of my needs, and finds the fact that I am completely nuts sexy that makes me think he is secretly a wife abuser or a Mossad agent?

So what has been going on this week? Israel took me to coffee on monday, where he continued to compliment me. What I like is that he asks what I want and brings it right to me. Not just the tea with the bag, but fixed the way I like it. The other thing is when we got up to leave, he picked up my pocket book-a dead give away as a formerly married man.

Wednesday was a very bad day at work. So he takes me out for a glass of wine ( and since it was on a fairly empty stomach and I was exhausted, so I was about two inches from falling into a coma on him at the loungue. So we are sitting there, and he brings me my glass of wine and he's just telling me all this wonderful stuff like "I don't understand why you are so hard on yourself. You are a genius. You have enough talent in you to make six very talented people." And then later when we are discussing PhD programs, he says he is going to pay for my PhD. I'm like "Where the hell did that come from?" His response, "Well, you are my girlfriend. So of course I am going to support you when you go to school."

Right, of course.

Either this guy is a prototype in some sort of pioneering Stepford Husbands program OR there is something seriously wrong with him.

On the other hand, I can't see any immediate gain from this type of behavio and I can't believe I am worth that much machiavellian scheming.

It's a difficult thing when you are professionally a skeptic to shut off that logical part of your mind, that part of your mind that is looking for flaws and errors.

On the other hand, who am I to say no to a seemingly dedicated man?

Supply and Demand, Baby

Ok so they are coming out of the wood work these days. One man gets the scent and they all come running like wolves.

Tuesday I had the following conversation with the Assless Wonder:

Bunni: The nice thing about having so many men after you is you get to be a bitch.

Assless Wonder: What do you mean?

Bunni: Well this guy I met last weekend, he wanted to take me out on friday. So when does he call? Friday. So I totally ignored his call. Sunday I bump into him, he's all "What happened?" I told him, "Listen, by friday, I'm booked for the weekend. And in case you're wondering I'm already booked for NEXT weekend. And most likely, the weekend after that. " It's supply and demand. There is a high demand for my limited supply. It's like the bread lines in Russia, baby, you want a piece? You better pack your shit and be prepared to stand in line.

Assless Wonder laughs.

Bunni: Like this guy I went out with once a year ago. He calls me and tells me he wants to bring a boquet of red roses. That's it. No coffee, or drinks or whatever, just bring me roses. I'm tired and pissy, but I tell him, "Listen you drop off the flowers, we talk for a bit and then you go home." So he agrees. So he brings me the flowers. We sit on the front stoop. Of course he wants to take me to coffee, I say no. Then he wants a good night kiss. So I told him, "I'll give you a kiss on the cheek." And so he keeps hemming and hawwing and I said to him "Listen, there is no negotiation here. I have what you want. You will do what I want or that's it." So he got a kiss on the cheek and left.
Of course, I'm never going to go out with either of these guys, but it's great being able to be a bitch.

Assless Wonder: You deserve it.

Bunni: Damn right.

Instead of substance....

Courtesy of Snowball-

Which Dr. Seuss character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


I know, I know. Such a shock.

Honestly I was kind of hoping for Cindy Yoohoo or Loohoo or whatever OR the dog with the antlers.


"I think relationships are a lot like a shark"
Woody Allen in Annie Hall


Such a weekend-so many issues

Saturday Night Live


"Because you are not the type of woman that you walk into a bar and two hours later you are taking to bed."-Israel

Uh, well, um, actually 98 percent of the straight male population of NYC would like to argue with him about that one.

And although I enjoy the fact we've only kissed, let's not forget the sex part. Any man who wants to capture the bunni, well let's not forget what bunnies spend a majority of their time doing. I'm not all about the mind-I do not want to daub marshmallow fluff on your cerebellum and then lick it off in an intellectually stimulating manner. Above the waist touching has it's place, but I do, at some point, want bunni love.

"No one puts Baby in a corner"
Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing

What is it about a man that calls me baby that I like. I can't understand it, it's supposed to be demeaning and objectifying and I'm sure feminists all over the globe are getting the flaming torches ready to roast me, but I do so love it. And you add the accent to it and it's so hot. It's so Olivier Martinez in Unfaithful.


"No that's just poetic baloney, for Roxanne you would need something special...something that would make her incapable of rational thinking
Steve Martin as C.D. in Roxanne

"I bet you look the best first thing when you wake up."-Israel

Is the man a professional or what? He knows how to give the compliments. Not just the expected compliments, (ie "Honey you look great tonight) but getting into the creative and unexpected compliments.

Saturday night he looked at me and said, "When I look at you I see someone who can accomplish anything. For you anything you decide is possible. " ( bunni melts off of bar stool onto floor)

In this vein, today he said on the phone to me "You know you are a queen and this is a walk in the park for you." Is there anything sexier than another person having that kind of belief in you?

I really think a lot of problems would be solved if we all had our own personal cheerleaders. Some number you could call anytime and just have someone say "You are the pinnacle of academic achievement" and then hang up.

The Mistake's Guide to Relationships

So I come into work and I am dying to tell the office about my hot Israeli photographer. Because, in the words of Zero Mostel, when you've got it, FLAUNT IT BABY FLAUNT IT.

The only person in the office, however, is the Mistake.

I tell her, and her response was this-

"That's great. Oh I'm so happy for you. Maybe he's the one and you can marry him because let me tell you marriage is great. I've been there twice myself, once legal and the other not so legal, but really I hope this guy is the one so you can stop looking."

Notice how she didn't ask me anything, like oh say, how long I've known him or if he has all his teeth. Talk about a shotgun wedding.

The worst thing is this woman is supposed to be teaching critical thinking.

more to come... Daydream Believer