For the person who came here looking for "things to say when breaking up"...here's a hint embrace that you are the black hat in this scenario. You are. Curl up with that for a moment. Give it a cup of tea. Be one with it. You are going to hurt this other person. No matter what. There is no good way to do this. You do not get complain. You do not get to say "Do you think this doesn't hurt me?" Your pain is your choice. You can't make the choice and then complain to the person who has no choice in the suffering. Nope.

This does not mean you can just do anything you want and to tell with it since it is going to be bad-there are gradations-you have to choose between bad and worse.

Worse would involve saying "It's not you, it's me" "We can still be friends" or "I care about you."
If any of those are true, you won't need to say it. If you same them, well, on top of being a heartless twit you're also an unimaginative moron who doesn't even care enough to come up with a genuine and unique approach to this person you until recently cared about.

If the person lashes out at you, YOU DO NOT RETALIATE. You have hurt this person deeply. You can at least have the decency to take a pot shot or two from them. Don't heap petty insult on top of heartbreak.

In the comments field Lux added that now is not the time to bring up the other person's personality flaws, issues, or to blame he/she for this EVEN IF IT IS TRUE. Don't worry, blaming oneself for a break up is a given. You don't have to help.

Also courtesy of Lux avoid the L word. She said don't say "I don't love you," but I would say just leave it out altogether.

I would say try and make it as easy for the other person as possible-ie don't do it a few minutes before the person has to go before her/his bosses and give the most important presentation of his/her career-have some sensitivity in selecting the time and place of the break up. This may be uncomfortable for you-tough.

The idea of "embracing the bad" to make things easier for the other person-ie "oh if I'm a COMPLETE prick it will make it easier for the other person to accept my rejection"-doesn't work. It will simply mean the person, on top of being rejected, will question his/her judgement that he/she had no idea what a prick you were. It may inhibit he/she from getting involved with someone. Do not compound an already bad situation.

Oh and dropping a box of stuff in his/her lap at the end of this conversation-not cool. If there is a stuff exchange, you might consider giving the person some time. If he/she seems to want to do it right away, you should have things ready in NICE CONDITION for return. Sensitivity is the key here. Depending on the other person, he/she might need time to adjust and then deal with the stuff issue.

Those are my thoughts on the topic, anyone else?
I know in the past here we have kidded around with having a dating Bunni application (which I think I need to reinstate including such questions as "What would most effectively describe your attitude towards watching a film with subtitles? A. That's OK as long as there is some hot sex scene during which I can rest my brain B Movies are supposed to be light entertainment, not a reading comprehension quiz C Uh, you think I can read? Wow, that's cool.") I have received courtesy of MySpace a Valentine Application which I have been requested to fill out.

I dunno, but to me it seems like something only slightly LESS exciting than filing my taxes. My personal favorite question, "Have you ever broken my heart?" Um, well if you didn't notice, probably not. I have decided to "make my own" Valentine Application. Feel free to have fun with the format.

This is the " Valentine Application."

Everyone knows there's at least one person on myspace that you want to be your Valentine. Here's the application for that special someone. Let's see who replies back with the following filled out.

Area 1:
Please provide positive answers.
Name:
Age:
Phone:
Height:
Do you Drive:
State You Live In:
May I Call You:
Single or Taken:
Would You Date Me:
Kiss On First Date:
Will You Send This Back To Me?:

Area 2:
What would you do if I...
I made a move on u:
I kissed you:
I lived next door to you:
I started smoking:
I asked you on a date:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got into a fight and you weren't there?
I asked u out?

Area 3:
What do you think about my...
Personality:
Eyes:
Hair:
Body:

Area 4:
Have you ever....
Lied to make me feel better?
Wanted to kiss me?
Wanted to kill me?
Broke my heart?
Kept something important from me?

Area 5:
"X" marks the spot
[ ]Kiss me..
[ ]Hug me..
[ ]Date me..
[ ]grab my ass..
[ ]Kill me..
[ ]fuck me ...
[ ]Love me..
[ ]Hate me..
[ ]Hold me..
[ ]Lie to me..
[ ]Hurt me..
[ ]Sing with me..
[ ]Dance with me..
[ ]Grind with me..
[ ]Cuddle with me..
[ ]Let me make a move on you..
[ ]Make a move on me..
[ ]Watch a movie with me..
[ ]Get me a B-day gift..
[ ]Let me borrow your car..
[ ]Be there for me..
[ ]Buy me a drink..
[ ]Bring me around your friends..
[ ]Give me a massage..
[ ]Drink kool-aid with me..
[ ]Take advantage of me..
[ ]Hangout with me...
[ ]Take care of me if I wasn't feeling good..
[ ]Hold hands with me..
[ ]Do something incredibly sweet for me..
[ ]tell me you love me

Area 2:
What would you do if I...
quoted an obscure 12th Century text:
did an interpretive dance about my feelings:
set fire to my place of employment and ran:
called you at 2 am and asked you to get pink bunny peeps:
asked if you wanted to see a movie with subtitles:

introduced you to an attractive friend of mine:
edited your Ph. D thesis:

gave you my phone number:

sought the aid of a life coach:

Area 3:
What do you think about my...
cat:
therapist:
alibi:

Labels: application, dating, valentine

DIRECTIVE

By Robert Frost

Back out of all this now too much for us,
Back in a time made simple by the loss
Of detail, burned, dissolved, and broken off
Like graveyard marble sculpture in the weather,
There is a house that is no more a house
Upon a farm that is no more a farm
And in a town that is no more a town.
The road there, if you'll let a guide direct you
Who only has at heart your getting lost,
May seem as if it should have been a quarry –
Great monolithic knees the former town
Long since gave up pretense of keeping covered.
And there's a story in a book about it:
Besides the wear of iron wagon wheels
The ledges show lines ruled southeast-northwest,
The chisel work of an enormous Glacier
That braced his feet against the Arctic Pole.
You must not mind a certain coolness from him
Still said to haunt this side of Panther Mountain.
Nor need you mind the serial ordeal
Of being watched from forty cellar holes
As if by eye pairs out of forty firkins.
As for the woods' excitement over you
That sends light rustle rushes to their leaves,
Charge that to upstart inexperience.
Where were they all not twenty years ago?
They think too much of having shaded out
A few old pecker-fretted apple trees.
Make yourself up a cheering song of how
Someone's road home from work this once was,
Who may be just ahead of you on foot
Or creaking with a buggy load of grain.
The height of the adventure is the height
Of country where two village cultures faded
Into each other. Both of them are lost.
And if you're lost enough to find yourself
By now, pull in your ladder road behind you
And put a sign up CLOSED to all but me.
Then make yourself at home. The only field
Now left's no bigger than a harness gall.
First there's the children's house of make-believe,
Some shattered dishes underneath a pine,
The playthings in the playhouse of the children.
Weep for what little things could make them glad.
Then for the house that is no more a house,
But only a belilaced cellar hole,
Now slowly closing like a dent in dough.
This was no playhouse but a house in earnest.
Your destination and your destiny's
A brook that was the water of the house,
Cold as a spring as yet so near its source,
Too lofty and original to rage.
(We know the valley streams that when aroused
Will leave their tatters hung on barb and thorn.)
I have kept hidden in the instep arch
Of an old cedar at the waterside
A broken drinking goblet like the Grail
Under a spell so the wrong ones can't find it,
So can't get saved, as Saint Mark says they mustn't.
(I stole the goblet from the children's playhouse.)
Here are your waters and your watering place.
Drink and be whole again beyond confusion.
Well sure Google delivers a lot of surfers here looking for pictures of the Solid Gold Dancers and for Liberace in Hot Pants, but a recent search has now supplied me with the title of my autobiography:

Sex Doll Morality.
"So never trust a man who owns a pig farm."- Snatch
I am sick AGAIN. Goddamn it, I hate being sick. I wish someone would just take me out back and shoot me. On top of that, I go in to teach tomorrow, and I am terrified. Yeah, at first I was excited. Three different courses including a literature course, but now I realize I'm totally unprepared and unqualified. HELP HELP. I am furiously typing syllabii as we speak.

Since I've been sick, I've been burning my way through Buffy the Vampire Slayer. My dance teacher has EVERY SEASON ON DVD AND HAS LOANED ALL OF THEM TO ME. You know how dogs will eat until they explode? I'm like that with DVDs. I have to watch them almost the minute I get them. I'll stay up hours to watch an entire movie and then watch it again with commentary and then watch it again until every last extra is tattooed on my cerebral cortex so that I can recall for it years to come. I got the DVDs on Friday, right now I'm on disk 4 season three. You do the math about how much Buffy I've watched this weekend.

It kind of goes with my Peter Pan arrested devlopment to watch a show like Buffy. But there are some great lines in there like Xander's response to Buffy's "I just think of you as a friend" line, "I I've don't deal well with rejection, which is funny since I've had so much practice."