Did You Ever?
I was just on the phone talking to a friend of mine, and I heard myself say "I'm 34 years old with no children and no boyfriend." I was actually talking about a legal situation, but the moment I said it, the truth of the situation hit me. And all I could think of was "I started out so well."
Actually, I didn't. I started out life about to die, and then serious disabled, and then about to die a few more times. I fought my way back from that and THEN I started doing well. But now, again, I'm failing.
At moments like this I remember what the late Christina Middlebrook said about having cancer, "You want the world to make exceptions. It doesn't."
A writer like C.S. Lewis would tell me to be thankful, as every moment since I was 6 months old, no matter how painful, has been a gift.
It's hard to see it that way when I see people everyday who are far more gifted than I and have no awareness of it, no idea what it would mean to me to be able to easily walk up a flight of stairs or feel warm sand beneath my feet, nevermind what it would be to actually be able to trust someone to take care of me when I needed them.
This is what life is like without a net, I suppose.
Time for another trip to Paris.
Bad Bunni posted at 5/18/2009 12:51:00 AM