Did You Ever?
I was just on the phone talking to a friend of mine, and I heard myself say "I'm 34 years old with no children and no boyfriend." I was actually talking about a legal situation, but the moment I said it, the truth of the situation hit me. And all I could think of was "I started out so well."

Actually, I didn't. I started out life about to die, and then serious disabled, and then about to die a few more times. I fought my way back from that and THEN I started doing well. But now, again, I'm failing.

At moments like this I remember what the late Christina Middlebrook said about having cancer, "You want the world to make exceptions. It doesn't."

A writer like C.S. Lewis would tell me to be thankful, as every moment since I was 6 months old, no matter how painful, has been a gift.

It's hard to see it that way when I see people everyday who are far more gifted than I and have no awareness of it, no idea what it would mean to me to be able to easily walk up a flight of stairs or feel warm sand beneath my feet, nevermind what it would be to actually be able to trust someone to take care of me when I needed them.

This is what life is like without a net, I suppose.

Time for another trip to Paris.

there are plenty of people that are 34, married, and have children that are no more pleased about their situation and would gladly swap with you. that said, from the little i learn through your posts, you have a pretty good life going.
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