Aloha (Oy)
Today's post comes from Bakerina, the guest hostess with the mostest.

Dear friends of Bunni,

Yes, that's a wretched pun of a title, but please do not blame it on the Bunni. She has asked me to let you all know that she has taken a little trip to the bucolic splendor of Pennsylvania, and will be out of phone and e-mail access until August 28. (She realizes that she picked the exact moment that her readership has gone up to scarper for a week. She assures us that she did not do it on purpose.)

Confidential to KRS-One: Straight from the mouth of the brainy and beautiful one herself: "Thank you so much. It cheered me up more than just a little bit. I hope we can email each other soon. I miss talking about horror movies with you."

To the rest of us, Bunni asks that we get our asses back here next Sunday, when she will be back in town and full of two-fisted blogging energy to burn.

Why, Judd Nelson, Why?
Because I'm in Upstate NY and instead of doing work, stop me when you've heard this one, I'm watching bad sci-fi channel movies. First off when did Sci-fi channel decide to pick one god awful show that it was embarassing enough you liked when you were 8, but now they are not only re-showing them so you can curl your toes in disgust at your own childish tastes, but re-showing them in A FIVE HOUR BLOCK AT A TIME? Yesterday it was Knight Rider. (Why not Forever Knight? I tell you there can never be enough vampire themed canada based tv shows.) Today it was, shudder, Quantum Leap. Does ANYONE want to see Scott Bakula EVER again? And how many times did that guy appear in drag? It was worse than Bosom Buddies. The only thing that even made that show remotely interesting was the occassional cameo by the late Dennis Wolfberg, one of my favorite stand-ups.

And now that I've thoroughly bored you all to death with my sci-fi channel rant onto the man event. In the spirit of blogathon can you name the movie this exchange comes from:

Man: Don't you have a sense of right and wrong?
Director:I'm a director. I have a sense of right and left.

I'll give you a hint the director is played by none other than our good friend from Sleepwalkers and Charmed, Brian Krause. And of course the title to this post is another hint.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe
So I'm a total twit because I thought all the blogathonedness was over. But nope I just discovered that there are awards, and lord have mercy someone nominated me for "best undefineable project." I think almost anything I do, including date, could be categorized that way so I guess I'm a natural.

On a certain level I feel totally ridiculous that I am so excited. I suppose it's just the "My blog has never been nominated for anything" happy happy, joy joy jitters. I have to admit I feel like I should have a spectacular post to greet all y'all, but I'm in the middle of calculating final grades, and all I can think of is "comma splice, apostrophe error, pronoun agreement." Looking at how poor my spelling and punctuation got around hour 20, one could hardly guess what I do for a living. (Be gentle, kind readers.)

But I digress.

For more detailed instructions on voting (sorry voting is limited only to bloggers who participated in blogathon 2005) as well as the other awards categories and nominated blogs head over to ye olde blogathon site and check out some of the fine work that helped raise over 58,000 dollars.

And to think my mother wondered if I would do it again next year.
And once more thanks to everyone who helped me through the long night.

Am I the Only Blogger Who Does This?
So I'm in Upstate New York, and I have a stack of student papers to grade that seriously is as thick as the NY State Yellow Pages. They have to be graded by Wednesday, but instead of doing work or even working on my writing or even taking a nice bath and enjoying the sunshine, I am watching who is reading my blog. Today I've had two readers from Pfizer, someone from whose been on for 30 minutes, and someone in Bombay. I'm particularly curious about the Pfizer people. Are they reading the blogs of depressives in order to develop a new drug? What's sad is that I sometimes know who is reading my blog from the address alone, for example when I see Leiceister England I know Blogmonkey is checking up, Astoria Queens, most likely the fair Bakerina. This can't be a good thing. I feel like I should get a sponsor and find some sort of meeting.

The Divine Muse of Break-Ups
My friend Dina from college used to call me up and talk at me for three hours and hang up. He was gifted at the fine art of the phone monologue. One time I remember particularly well, "You know, I tried to write about drugs, but you know man ass is the wellspring for me man. It's all about ass. I just can't write about drugs. I tried that whole Memoirs of an Opium Eater shit. Hell, I even ate fucking opium in Hong Kong, but really nothin'. But man I can write for fucking days about ass man fucking days."

For me the wellspring isn't ass or drugs, it's breaking up, which may account for why I've been left by so many different people in so many different ways. So I bring you this piece cut from the archives about more creative ways to break up with someone:

I stumbled on a website today My Cat Hates You Dot Com. There is a MERCHANDISE SECTION-and I thought to myself "I hope they make greeting cards." Wouldn't that be absolutely excellent? You send someone some frilly looking birthday card-on the front flowers and rhymes and then on the inside it's all black and in big red letters it says MY CAT HATES YOU. Then I thought the really untapped market here is break-up cards. I mean we all have that one ex who deserves a particularly nasty break-up. One of my friend's from high school said his favorite mean fantasy break up was to send a girl a postcard reading "Welcome to Dumpsville-Population:You P.S. I'm gay." I like the more sophisticated "I'm hope you're up on your history because that's what you are about to become." Or if a guy break up with you and says "We can still be friends," respond with, "Yeah, your lips can become friends with my ass on its way out the door." But back to the break up card-I would love to send a guy a card that's all black and on the inside there is a pciture of a pissed off cat and in red print it says "It's you, not me-I didn't fake orgasm, I faked interest-I wouldn't even bother stealing your cds, and MY CAT HATES YOU."

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