Christ Almighty

I go online to check my email and I am immediately assaulted by this IM from a former student:* backstory- I recommended that my students sell books on

Student: Ms. Bunni
Auto response from bad Bunni: oh to sleep in my own bed after a major castrophe curled up with my kitty-purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Student: Im sorry to wake you
( Uh does she not get the concept of an away messages-that it doesn't wake me up, but that I am indeed asleep?)
Student: this is ***** again
Student: I did what you siad and i put my books on but im having problems trying to sell my stuff i dont know how to edit the prices put on my books. Can you help me out
Student: Professor Bunni
Student: can you help me ?
Bad Bunni: I'm working on it
Student: ok
Bad Bunni: Clicking "Manage Inventory" from the "My Account" page will give you a list of your entire inventory organized by category. From here you can edit, delete, or suspend any item you have in inventory by clicking the appropriate link - you can even search your inventory to find any of your items!
Student: yeah i know
Student: but my inventory wont show up
Bad Bunni:

Please note that your item will not appear for sale until roughly 10 minutes from the time it is listed.

If your item does not appear in over 10 minutes from the time it is listed, you may want to check your account hub for a failed credit card. To do this, please go to "My Account," and look for the red outlined box at the top of the page. You may see the message, "Items listed are not available for purchase due to failed credit card verification." If so, this is the reason your items are not app
Student: so u think i should wait unti l tomorrow
Student: its not bc of failed credit
Student: i checked for that
Bad Bunni: well did they send you an email verification of sign up?
Student: it just says wait ten mion
Student: min*
Student: yeah they did
Bad Bunni: ok so you have an account?
Student: but i have been waiting awhile
Bad Bunni: have you tried the help wizard?
Student: yeah
Bad Bunni: it says the same thing
Student: about credit failure and such
Student: but i recieved the e-mails
Student: and it seems fine
Student: so i dont knwo why they dont show up
Bad Bunni: at the bottom of the help wizard screen there is a contact customer service option
Bad Bunni: I would recommend contacting them
Student: ok
Student: i cant find the contact #
Bad Bunni: go through the help wizard three steps
Bad Bunni: you'll get that same messages as before SCROLL ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE
Bad Bunni: it says "No, I need to contact Customer Service.

Bad Bunni: click on the link above and it will take you to contact customer service
Student: Yeha
Student: yea
Student: i did it
Student: i filled it out and stuff
Student: but isnt there a # i can call
Student: or does it have to be through e-mail?
(And I would know because? This is why PAYS people to work customer service so that I don't have to freelance)
bad Bunni: If you don't see a number there, I'm thinking it's all through email
Student: did you veer sell anythign through thos site
Student: anything*
Student: this*
Student: ever*
Bad Bunni: I sold many things through
Bad Bunni: but I haven't sold in quite sometime and I never had any problems
Student: how low did u price most things
Bad Bunni: I don't recommend sites I don't use
Student: because i think i need to make everything way cheaper
Bad Bunni: It depended on how much I wanted to get rid of the object and the condition of it
Bad Bunni: I usually got fairly good prices-look it depends on what you want-if you want to get rid of stuff fast then a low price is the way to go, if you want to get your money back then price reasonably but you're going to have to wait
Student: how long have you had to wait
Student: and how des it work when someone wants to buy
Bad Bunni: it depends on a lot of things
( Uh what kind of time do these people think I have? First off the second question is clearly answered on the site. Second, how the hell do I know how long she's going to have to wait to sell items? I don't even know what she's selling? When did I become the great and powerful Oz of
Bad Bunni: you'll get an email when someone buys something
Bad Bunni: that info is up on the site
Student: ok
Bad Bunni: but as for when someone buys it depends on deman you might wait a long time or you might sell it tomorrow
Student: O ok
Student: thanks soo much

I get rid of one and then I get this one:

Student2: was the power outage
Student2: i mean the black out
Bad Bunni: fabulous I loved it
Student2: u
Bad Bunni: better than cats
Student2: lol
Student2: i have a teachers go in tomorrow
Bad Bunni: tomorrow is sunday
Student2: cause i had to hand something in friday
Student2: i mean monday
Student2: but the whole blackout thing happened
Student2: and i couldnt
Student2: ya know..and i dont know if i should go back to the city monday and hand it in then
Bad Bunni: I would say yes
Student2: okay..thanks
Student2: so how come you loved the blackout so much
Student2: it was really scary!!
Bad Bunni: I was being sarcastic
Student2: ohh
Student2: well..some people really love blackouts
Student2: i dunnos
Student2: dunno

Not only is the student very confused about his lie about when his paper is due, the faux I'm really concerned about you intro is just so sad. And why not ask the professor that you are handing the paper into? Hmmmmmmm?

It's enough to make me regret getting the power back.


Ok I knew it was going to be a bad day, I just didn't know it was going to be a BAD day

So all of you probably want to know about my fabulous black out experience. And for the most part you are going to be stupendously disappointed by the lack of excitement, but, well, here it is anyway.

I started the day by getting lipstick on my white top. I had to change at the last minute and put on a pair of high heels, thinking that it would be a "light" walking day. I looked really cute. Light makeup, everyone complimented my skirt. I started the day feeling, at least, well dressed.

Also the night before I hadn't been feeling well. Jin gave me a ride home and instead of grading, I went inside, stripped off all my clothes, put on my pjs and then went to sleep. I slept until the next morning. No grading. Just sleep. This is probably one of the smartest things I could have done.

I was supposed to stop at the bank and return a movie, but it was running late. I thought I would deposit my check and get money from an ATM later that night.

I had a headache. I took the last of my advil before leaving my apartment. I was too late to buy some more on the way to class.

I don't generally eat at work. Luckily Jin knows this and called on his way in and brought me a salad, some fries, and a coke. My head ache was returning so I took a handful of tylenol from the office first aide kit. I swallowed four and stuck the remaining four in my make up case.

I was giving my afternoon class their final exam. Most of the other students had left. I only had about seven students. I had finished grading my morning exams. My attention was straying. I was wondering how I was going to finish one set of papers and one ste of exams that night. In one day I had manged to grade 80 student papers/exams ( meaning I had 200 left). I was getting burned out.

And then the lights began to dim.

They dimmed to emergency power. Each room still had one light. I told my students to stay put and I ran around the corner to see Casey, another prof. who was giving an exam. A guard came down, told us everything was fine and that the power should be up momentarily. So I went back told my kids to finish their exams by emergency light. They did.

It wasn't until I walked out into the student longue that I realized how serious things were. Another prof. was listening to the news. "It's all the way up to Cananda and as far as Ohio. No subways or buses. And cellphones are totally down." Now I was beginning to panic. A guard came down and told us to evacuate the building. He didn't tell us where to go. Just to go out.

My first thought was to find Jin. I was worried he was trapped in our office, unable to leave. I walked out and I saw stunt Olivier Martinez on his cell phone and not far behind Jin and the gang. I was relieved. At leat I had male protection in case of any riots.

We went to the basement of the Stern building. At this point I was concerned that this might be the result of terrorist activity. Jin and company were mainly concerned with finding a tv in order to hook up their sony playstation. There was a computer center in the basement of stern where I checked the news. Once I discovered it wasn't the result of terrorists, I relaxed. If I had made it through Sept. 11th, I could make it through this.

What I hadn't counted on was on Sept. 11th, we had radios and tvs. We had cold drinks. ( I had my emergency gin under the kitchen sink, which I mixed with sprite.) We had the internet.

We got kicked out of Stern pretty quick. Right after I posted the computer lab monitors told us that the building was going to be shut down in order to conserve on the emergency generators.

It was a total lie. Stern was lit and air conditioned through out the entire blackout. We could have stayed there in the air conditioning. We didn't know where to go. No one told us to go to the library or to Coles. We were just told to go out.

A group of students told us to go to seventh street dorm, that there was food and water there. Jin and Company ( including myself) decided to go. We hung out there waiting for the light to come on. There was bottled water. A student of mine gave me a whole box of crackers and an extra bottle of water. I told her she was getting serious extra credit.

Another student was calling for someone to bring her a muffin from the tray outside. I brought her a muffin. She says to me "You're so cute. What's your name?" Her roommate was another one of my students. I point to her "She knows what it is." My student says "Bad Bunni." "You're Miss Bunni? You're so young. I can't believe it. She's so cute and nice." I thank her and walk back to my chair. It's nice to get compliments in the middle of a catastrophe.

We played cards and Uno on the street.

When it began to get dark, the guards told us we couldn't stay there. The students had heard that Kimmel still had lights and so most of them wanted to stay there. Like an idiot Jin and I decided to go with Olivier Martinez and his roommate to their dorm room.

They claimed their dorm wasn't far away.

This was a total lie.

I have long argued that men and women have different sense of distance. No matter what to a man it isn't that far. "Oh we're only walking to Bolivia, it isn't that far." Riiiiiiiiiight. Cause you're not wearing high heels you bastards. It was indeed at lest a mile and ahalf to this dorm in serious heat wearing high heels.

I have no feelings on the soles of my feet. This is a very dangerous situation. Once I begin to feel pain, it generally means the situation is pretty awful.

So we are walking and walking and walking to this dorm room by the light of car head lights. I know deep down they aren't going to let us into the dorm. And even if they do, what are we going to do? Sit in total darkness in a dorm room. Oh yeah, the fun never ends.

Half way there I begin to feel pain. I touch the sole of my right foot. About half of the right foot was swollen with a blister. There was also a blister on the top of the right toe. If I continued to walk in those shoes, I risked further damage. I took off my shoes. I was walking on the darkened streets of New York with no shoes on.

I finally hobble to the dorm. They won't let us in. What a shock. They also don't know where to tell us to go. I mean, really, there should be a better system of communication for telling people where to go.

So we decided to head back to the library ( which is right next to stern-we should have just stayed there). Jin, to save me the pain of walking, put me up on his shoulders. People loved it. We would walk by and they would cheer and clap. (I guess chivalry isn't really dead after all.) We wondered about how scary we must look coming out of the dark to unsuspecting wanderers. Jin thought we should make monster noises. I thought we should get one of those extra long trenchcoats. It was the high light of the evening.

And I would like to say this moment. Jin is really the best friend ever. He put me up on his shoulders and walked for blocks in the heat with me on his shoulders. Later, while he and the boys went out and had beer, and I nursed a head ache, he got me a coke and advil. He did indeed redeem my faith in humankind.

We got to the library at 10. There was air conditioning and light, bottles of water and yogurt bars. I had two bars and a bottle of water. I could barely walk. My feet were completely blistered. I had a migraine. I had taken the remaining tylenol earlier. Jin went upstairs to look for a tv to play the playstation on. You have to admire the drive. No matter what happened, Jin was focused on playing video games.

They went up and played. The Assless Wonder showed up and gave me a shoulder massage before vanishing with his girlfriend. Olivier Martinez and company wanted chicks. In fact he looked right at me and said "Where are the chicks?" My pride was very hurt. "Uh, what am I?" "Oh you're a professor. I meant, student chicks."

Just. fucking. kill. me.

My feet are a wreck. I have absolutely no money to buy food, never mind liquor, I have a head ache that won't go away, I can't even sleep because all the lights are on in the library ( odd way to conserve energy), and on top of everything else I'm not even a chick.

Wait, I changed my mind, I'm not the one who should die. I should have just killed him.

So the boys go out and find some cute bartender. ( According the Olivier Martinez she was a "real piece of bread." Whatever the hell that means.) So if nothing else I learned from this black out that Olivier is easy on the eyes, and that's about it.

I rested while the boys came in and out. They ate chips and drank beer while I dozed. In the morning, Jin went in search of his car, only to find that it was stolen ( or perhaps towed, but that seemed an unlikely option). We decided to take a bus uptown. The latest radio update had said that electricty would be restored by noon or so. It was at that point seven am. I called my mother to see if she would come and pick me up. Most of the state had energy and I figured hell she came and picked me up after 911, she'll come now.

Well, she wanted me to come to her. I kept trying to explain to her no subways, no trains, no way. The only way out was for to come in. She told me to call her later on her cellphone. To wait and see if power came on.

Jin and company decided to take the bus uptown. It was early, we found seats. I hadn't had anything to eat since the yogurt bars. I didn't bring any with me. I had given the crackers to another person in the company. I didn't want to carry anything.

The trip uptown was quick. My head was throbbing. I walked home on bare feet. A homeless man asking for change on the street took one look at me and said "You ok?" I was touched.

About a half a block from my apartment some postal workers haning out on the corner saw and me said "Why are people walking around with no shoes?" I turned "Because we can't wear our shoes anymore." I held them up "High heels" I explained. "Oh." They exclaimed loudly to be careful. There was broken glass on the corner.

Yes and I would like to take this moment to thank those idiots who broke bottles on the street for no reason. Thanks. No really. The broken glass really added to my evening.

I finally hobbled home and crashed in bed. My cat was very happy to see me and licked my face and curled up by me. I called my mom and cleaned off my feet. I had six blisters. One blister took up half the sole of my right foot. Later I would discover blood in the hall way. It was blood from my feet. Typical of me, I was bleeding and couldn't feel it.

I bandaged my feet and called SER . I told him that when the power went back on we should get the largest martinis we could find. He agreed. After my nap, he said we should hang to kill the time. I took one of the coldest showers in history ( I will NEVER join one of those polar bear ice swimming clubs-damn sickos) and I put on my make up and went over.

I was starving at this point. Cursing my lack of money and no food in the fridge. I was actually eating cough drops to have something in my stomach.

Because only an idiot like myself would bother to put on make up in the middle of such a situation.

So SER and I hung out waiting for the power to come back on. We were both dizzy and sweating in his apartment talking about how it would be ok if only we had music or food or liquor or money. And then we heard a shout from the street. We look and THERE WAS POWER.

I was so damn happy, I hugged SER. Twice.

We went and got cash and then pizza. Oh pizza, how I love it.

My headache finally went away. In celebration SER and I bought Corona and listened to music. With so little food in my system, I had a beer and half and fell asleep ( oh the shame). It was a calming evening.

So I'm totally behind on grading. TOTALLY BEHIND. There is absolutely no way that I'm getting it done on time.

So there you have it people, arguably the lamest of the stories out there. No closing the bar, no blackout hook up, no snarfing ben and jerry's ice cream out of my freezer before it melted.


On the other hand, when I could finally check my mobile messages this afternoon I found quite a few people had called to make sure I was ok ( including Jin) and even Mr Attacked by a Moose himself, Baked Alaska. Yep he called just to see if I was ok. Genius however failed to leave his phone number or any other contact information ( I only have his return address from his letter).

Not surprisingly, Vampire Hunter D, the Beast, Bishop, and John Yule have yet to be heard from.

Oh yeah, feel the love, people, feel the love.

Never say I'm not dedicated

Well in the middle of the largest black out I am in the basement of stern where there is water-air conditioning-and interestingly enough internet access-the black out occurred near the end of my exam-not sure if they'll let me stay here but NYU has to have some sort of emergency contigency-I'll be here

Damn it

Ok people, I should be reading papers, but I check my comments to find awoken is a word ( although not in common usage-it was picked up by spell checker-not that I trust microsoft, but just so it is known for the record.). Damn it, this is NOT the hour to be instilling doubt in me. I need back rubbing and encouraging comments. I need you all to be like the grumpy coach in Rocky "You can do it, kid. YOU CAN DO IT." And then later you can tell me "Uh ok you were a little bit of an idiot. Not much. Just a bit." On monday, when I am about to die, THEN you can tell me I was being an idiot. But for now, make with the happy happy joy joy.

Oh hate that. People finally come to bunniblog only to see I'm an idiot. ( Caution: While under stress Bunni may be overly emotional.)

Olivier Martinez

The only thing that makes me happy is the Olivier Martinez stunt double who works in the office has been around quite a bit today. Him and his, sigh, accent. He has actually been talking to me, which makes me suspect that Jin has been up to some match making hijinx. But having read 60 exams so far today it is at least a nice break for my eyes.

New Word Update


It is typical of feministical thinking that the woman be portrayed as determined and strong.


One set of exams complete

220 papers/exams to go

Twenty, Twenty, Twenty-four hours to gooooo, I wanna be sedated

OK so here is the breakdown of what I have to get down by monday morning at ten o'clock.

Grade 280 student papers or exams

Which comes down to reading over 800 pages of student writing.

Out of those 280 papers/exams, I have already completed 40.

240 to go

In a fit of inspiration, I have devised what I think is a brilliant invention coffee flavored caffeinated pixie stix. Who has the time to actually DRINK caffeine? Hell I need it like mainlined into my aorta.

Who are these people?

Not to sound like Seinfeld, but I'm giving an exam today and two students came in half an hour late, HALF AN HOUR LATE, to an exam that is only an hour and fifteen minutes long.

Now I know I have issues with lateness. I am one of those compulsively early people generally. If I'm only five minutes early, I arrive panicked that I might be late. That's just how I am and I understand it's wierd and for the most part I don't hold people to the same standard.

My students are given a five minute "grace period" before I start marking them as late. However, I had a student this week who showed up an hour late for class and was shocked that I marked her as absent anyway. I have had a number of students show up to class with only five or ten minutes remaining and expect to be marked as present. That's right, they arrived basically in time to get the homework and then leave and they expected to be marked as present. I absolutely refuse to do so. I have the quid pro quo attitude towards attendance-if I have to get up at 630 in the morning to haul my candied ass in here then you have to as well.

But really, arriving a half an hour late to an exam?

I suppose on the flip side I have had professors and teachers arrive late for their own exams. I had one professor in college who arrive forty minutes late to our mid term. We sat and waited. When she finally arrived, she had to eliminate half of the exam so we could finish it one time. ( I actually received an A+. A complete and total one hundred plus a bonus question. It was in Theater History A: The Origins of Theater in case you wanted to know.)

In high school we had a teacher who was an hour late to his own final. We were actually officially dismissed by the school. He arrived to find the room empty. He was so irate the next day in class he told us he was going to give us all Fs. We went to the school administration and explained that we had been formally dismissed and now we were being threatened with failure. Not only did the school prevent him from failing us, but they made him give us all As for the mid term. I loved it.

Oh cripe, the young'un just walked in. I hate that vacillating little twit. I'd hide under my desk, but they have us sharing an office. Somehow I think he'd take my hiding as come on as well. Oh where is Olivier Martinez when I need him?


I'm thinking that maybe when I transfer this blog to its new webhome ( JIN! I NEED YOUR HELP!) that I should have a special "Student Invented Words" Dictionary section. I'd like it to be open to other teachers as well. However I don't want to be words invented for the dictionary, it has to be only words that students submitted in formal papers.

The sad part is, I really think it would be fun.

Invented Word of the Day


Instead of the alarm clock, I was awoken this morning by my cat's tail up my nose.


Although the "invented" words I post here are truly by my students, the example sentences are variations on the actual ones submitted in papers. I didn't feel right posting their actual sentences, but the sentiment is still there.

Respect My Authority!

One of my students told me today "I just have to tell you, you are the hardest teacher I've ever had, and I totally respect you for that. I learned a lot."

That's what you do for, people, that's what you do it for.

Because if I've taught just one student how to kiss ass intelligently, I feel I've done my job as a teacher.

The New Dictionary Continued


The subjection of women to male authority has always been a controversial topic.

or perhaps

I can't believe professors at NYU have to put themselves through the subjection of grading obviously not proofread papers.

Oh no they didn't

Dr. Troy: You're rattled because this woman does erotic films.

Dr. McNamara: Erotic is when the woman uses a feather. Porn is when the woman uses the whole chicken. And this woman has been through a lot of chickens.



The Ultimate Bunni Fantasy

Bunni: I meet some fabulous man and we get married-I am able to get a book published and therefore return to teaching creative writing-even though my books make gazillions of dollars I still teach creative writing because I love it, which incidentally I did-and then AND THEN AND THEN eric comes crawling back to me begging and pleading and choking on his own snot only to be kicked into the nearest puddle
Jin: oh
Jin: thats possible
Jin: i thought you wanted something more fantastic
Jin: or better yet phatasmagoric
Bunni: listen if I could hire the krakon to ass rape him I would
Jini: oh
Bunni: but he doesn't do non union work
Jin: hahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha

The New Dictionary

Here are a sampling of the creative terminology my students get up to instead of finding REAL words

Confusement-the state of confusion

From her wide eyes, one could tell she was in a state of confusement.

Acception-the process of being accepted

Many students suffer from disadvantages during the acception process.

Conflictive-oh hell, you get the drift

These plays represent conflictive views on the proper role of women in soceity.


"Soylent Green is people, PEOPLE" Charleton Heston in Soylent Green

Yes it seems that some person's pet rabbit died and in what she calls a touching a life affirming tribute, she decided to cook and eat the late rabbit. This would be significantly less disturbing if the bereaved chef hadn't posted pictures of the bunny alive and IN A SKILLET.

As much as I say, yuck, the responses to the posting are almost as frightening as the post itself. Certainly there is nothing wrong with eating a rabbit, although I would be concerned about eating a rabbit that "naturally died." I'd want to make sure it was safe to eat and not infected with mad rabbit disease or something else equally dangerous. But really aside from the health aspect people have eaten "pets" for years. Certainly on farms, families formed attachments to animals that were later slaughtered for food. (Clarice Starling, anyone?) Actually some families still do form attachments to animals that are later eaten and although rabbit is not so common that there is a national "Rabbit, it's what's for dinner" campaign, it is eaten enough to be accepted as dinner fare. ( Unlike say squirrel, which is eaten only certain areas.)

The responses to this post are rabid and knee jerk about how "evil" and "sick" the poster is to eat her dead pet. And certainly I had that emotional response as I could never look at my cat and think "Hmmmm Kung Pao Kitty or Kitten Fritters?" but that doesn't mean that there is really anything inherently wrong with someone eating a pet. Especially since she DIDN'T KILL THE PET. What's interesting is we have gotten to this level that you can't even question people about the holiness with which they regard their pets. You can't even have a conversation without someone screaming at you about how sick you are. I'm sure I will get yelled at or at the very least miff people, even though I myself would never eat a pet. My only point is that essentially the poster didn't really do anything wrong except challenge a social norm.

(this link and post courtesy of metafilter Go there and read more exciting and intellectually challenging comments)

PS The site is a "hoax" perpetrated by the "narrator" to force people to consider their personal ethics. Still I'm sure someone somewhere has done this, although maybe without the pics.

Morgue Monday

Oh yes, oh yes, would it be monday if I didn't have a meeting which made me seriously question my will to live? The meeting WOULD HAVE gone well if it wasn't for the fact that we actually got stuff done. We almost performed a scholarly heresy and LEFT EARLY no no we couldn't have that so we had to sit around and have a discussion. The first discussion was kicked off by the Mistake "Was there a real Jesus Christ?" Which immediately made me think of Will the Real Jesus Christ Please Stand up! ( There is also a play by the same name-a one act that was actually performed in my high school with our favorite math teacher, who incidentally was really cute in a kind of David Duchovny way, as the real Jesus Christ.) But she was serious, she wanted to know if there was a "historic" Jesus Christ.

Just kill me.

So basically everyone jumps onto, let me say I credit them for this, with the "Well as much as we know there is a historic Socrates. We have nothing he himself wrote nor do we have any depictions of him from the time he was alive. So believe what thou wilt" And we all are about to move on, but no, this evil new teacher, an older man I haven't mentioned before, we shall call him Prufrock, says "Well, no I have this book by this German historian that says the Jesus was a real person." So the head of the department goes "Uh, well, how does he know?" And so Prufock responds with "He did research." Research of what? Like the rest of the antiquities profs didn't do their homework and this one German guy was staying up nights? And if he came up with proof of Christ as a real person, don't you think we would all know his name? Hmmmmmmmmm? Finally Prufock says "Well, I believe that Christ was a real person" and thankfully the head of our department said, "Yes, believe all you want, but that is different from proof."

So then we move onto talking about the self segregation trend in education, with classes like "Math for Girls" in high schools and the Harvey Milk High school, which is a school geared towards gay, lesbian, and transexual high school students. The Mistake is shocked to find out, shocked, that not all gay people think they choose to be gay. I made the comment, "Well do you think you choose to be attracted to men?" And her response was, "Yes I do." To which I had to say "Well, actually you probably choose to be attracted to certain men based on a variety of different criteria that you have been taught to value. But as for being attracted to men, that's probably innate, or at least that's one argument."

Then we move onto same sex marriages. Again the Mistake pipes up with "Why do they even need marriage?" Woman, where have you been? So they can have tax breaks and health benefits and adopt children among a variety of other reasons. So I say this to her and she responds, "Well I think they should be able to have a civil ceremony, but not have a church service." And I was like "Well, churches have now, and they will always have, the right to deny couples marriage ceremonies. Certainly couples have been denied by churches because of the religious background of one of the members, because the bride was pregnant, and because the couple was not of the same race. If the country chooses to aknowledge same sex marriage, it does not mean the RC or any other religious group or sect or sub sect or cult for that matter is going to change their mind about same sex marriage."

And for sitting through this meeting, and all the meetings for this semester, we were treated to ice cream. Yes, ice cream. What am I? Five? I mean, yes I enjoyed it, but I would prefer to have shall we say proper monetary recompense for time and effort expended? Or maybe at least recompense for the videos I rented and the books I purchased to teach. Or maybe, just maybe a bonus for those of us who actually do our jobs? Or do an outstanding job? After all the time I wasted seriously debating ending my life in these useless meetings they want to bribe me with ice cream?

And it wasn't even Concession Obsession at that.

Doctor, Doctor....Glad I'm Not Sick

Mrs. Groopman: You know what my favorite part of surgery is, Dr. Troy? It's not when the bandanges comes off. It's that the last thing I hear is your voice saying, "Everything is going to be alright."

Dr. Troy: Everything is going to be alright.

My new show to watch in this void of summer tv is Nip/tuck and not just because John Hensley is hot, as is a majority of the male cast. ( Oh yeah baby, nothin' wrong with a little eye candy for the woman folk) It's kind of an interesting little niche for the "hospital drama". To my mind hospital drama started with shows like MASH, which wasn't a true hospital drama, it was a quasi war/hospital dramedy. ( It would later inspire the show China Beach.) But the show did reveal to television developers and writers that the public could handle the particularly grim job that doctors in a war have to do. It also revealed that you could mix in humor and the audience would not be offended. ( Although the audiences SHOULD have been offended by the liberal use of canned laughter.)

From MASH there was the spin off "Trapper John MD" and the more popular "St Elsewhere" ( The show that gave Denzel Washington his start.) St. Elsewhere was a "hospital drama" which often had elements of soap opera. Instead of dealing with patients or medical issues, more often the show dealt with personal issues involving both doctors, nurses, other staff members, and patients. If it was hospital oriented it was more likely to an "administrative" drama ie dealing with running a small hospital that wasn't making much money rather than some serious medical ethical dilemma. Unlike in MASH where the main characters had both dramatic and comedic attributes ( the periphy characters were more purely comedic-like Clinger and Radar), in St. Elsewhere there were certain designated comedic characters, like Howie Mandell, and certain designated dramatic characters, like Denzel.

In the mid eighties there was a sitcom called ER. It focused on a small emergency room and the main character was played by Elliot Gould. The show consisted of only one set and very few actors. Amazingly there was never any blood on the set or on the costumes of any of the characters. Although there were medical emergencies on the show, the main focus was the personal relationships between the doctors, nurses, staff, and the occassional medical outsider. (One nurse had a boyfriend who was a cop who frequented the ER. Another nurse, nicknamed Thor, often spoke of her husband who never appeared in any form on the show.) Strangely this show was more in denial about the actual way an ER functions that much earlier shows like St. Elsewhere.

And then came the ER the rest of us know and love and Chicago Hope. Chicago Hope often had scenes that made me burst out laughing in the same way the sitcom used to. ( The sitcom ER once had a kid calmly sit through, with no blood spilt, a conscious lung puncture, which is one of the most painful procedures performed. The patient must be conscious while his or her lung is punctured and inflated. I have spoken to a few people who have lived through this ordeal. One of them told me it made her spinal tap feel like Disneyland.) I never watched Chicago Hope by my apartment mates did and so I kind of watched by default. They always wanted to know what I thought was so funny.

ER is more realistic. Unlike shows like MASH where the camera was set up to focus on the doctors, so the patient, and by default the the blood and the wound, here there was almost an emphasis on capturing at least some of the grueling, and let's be honest, disgusting physical aspects of working in a hospital. And of course the show had its share of relationships, but it also brought up a lot of the serious issues confronting doctors in terms of medical ethics. It also, for the first time I think, began to bring to its viewers how complex treating a patient really is. That it isn't just remember what you were taught and do it. But there are complex ethical issues and questions surrounding treatment. It also brought to light the emotional issues doctors have to face ( making mistakes resulting in permanent injury or death, clashing with other doctors over correct treatment of a patient, accepting that a patient has refused treatment etc).

Now we have shows like Nip/tuck and to some degree Crossing Jordan ( although Crossing Jordan may more correctly belong to the investigatory/legal drama). Nip takes the hospital drama to another level. Now the patients being treated are not in dire condition, unlike patients in ER or MASH, but rather, for a variety of reasons, seeking out "elective" surgery. The question to some degree that fascinates me here, and has fascinated me for some time, is does this show indicate that in contemporary American culture being unattractive has actually become a disease?

The writers on this particular show are much better at creating male characters and dialogue than female. The female characters tend to, well, let's say demonstrate the charisma and creativity of pre-fab housing. The male characters are also fairly stereotypic. Dr. Christian Troy-whose name says it all-part good guy, part porn star- is the "bad boy" doctor who really does the right thing in a very unconventional way in the end- ie he saves the haus frau wife of dr goody goody from committing adultery by greeting her in bed with 2 identical twins-and his partner,Dr. Goody Goody, I mean Sean McNamara is the guilt wracked, ethically obsessed "how do you draw the line?" ( why did he get into plastic surgery then?) doctor. Sean's son, played by John Hensley, is a tormented young man whose main torment is that he wants to be circumsized. And that's about as original as the show gets, but as I said at least the guys are nice to look at, and there is at least more originality there than in the female characters.

From the two episodes I've seen the endings have been too pat to have any kind of serious emotional impact. In one episode Sean and his wife go from seperation to serious fight directly into hot sex ( who didn't see THAT coming?) and this last one the older woman who "blackmails" Dr. Troy into having sex with her in exchanged for dropping a law suit ends up simply cuddling with the good doctor. The ethical implications of a doctor willing to sleep with a patient, and certainly the portrayal of Dr. Troy as nothing more than really a glorified gigolo, and the more serious implication that plastic surgery itself as an institution is a kind of professional prostitution of surgical talent is never seriously discussed. Nor is the more interesting implication of the reversal of the power role. Most often doctors are portrayed as the "powerful" or dominant partner in the doctor patient relationship, but here the patient is more powerful. Powerful enough to bully the doctor into an unwanted sexual relationship. It's particularly interesting that this kind of portrayal would happen while direct to consumer advertisement of prescription medicine is at its height.

Basically the concept behind Nip/tuck and the issues that could be talked about in such a show are intriguing, but the actual shows fails to deliver.

"Take me away from all this death"
From Bram Stoker's Dracula kind of the marty scorsese version of "Calgon, take me away!"

It my regrettable duty to inform you that Gregory Hines is dead. Is it me or this a particularly bad year in terms of celebrity death? And Hines wasn't even that old. I mean with Hope, not a big surpise dying at 100 and Hepburn was up there too. But Hines was only 57.

And yet he managed to do quite a bit. I think the first time I saw Hines was in History of the World Part I as Josephus ( the Eunuch test schtick was classic). He was also in Running Scared with Billy Crystal. I can't remember any classic lines from that movie, which says a lot, but let's also keep in mind it came out in '86 ( Hines was originally up for Eddie Murphy's role in 48 hours, but in what can I only call some spectacularly bad judgement dropped out to be in the Cotton Club. The role he played with Billy Crystal might have been an attempt to make up for that mistake.). I would have been only 12 years old. Well I remember every line of dialogue in Goonies and that came out before hand, but then I've seen Goonies a lot more since then too. ( And whoever thought that Sean Astin's career would be resurrected by playing a hobit?) Ok clearly I am the theraflu is making it hard for me to focus.

Hines was also in the Muppets Take Manhattan, Wolfen, and Deal of the Century. ( For those who don't remember that last movie on the list-the cast included Sigourney Weaver and Chevy Chase and the plot revolved around a weapons show-I remember there being a spate of goofy "defense" movies including Best Defense which starred Eddie Murphy and Dudley Moore. When I look back at those movies, I am filled with wonder because if you tried to make one of those films today you would summarily executed in the public as being "non partiotic") On Broadway, he was in the original cast of Jelly's Last Jam dedicated to the life of Jelly Roll Morton. He won a Tony for his role in that play 1992. He was beyond a doubt a fabulous entertainer. I remember him appearing on numerous sitcoms in the eighties. To children of the eighties, like myself, Hines and Ben Vereen were well known for their performances on award shows and specials. (Again for those who remember the age of the "battle of the network stars" and who can still hum the opening to "Falcon Crest"-Ohhhhhh the shame.)

Unfortunately I can't come up with a good movie tag line for Hines ( hard to come up with when most of performances had to do with dancing). Maybe silence is better anyway.

Just got the record

I would like to say for the record that She's All That is the most ridiculous teen movie to be ever made. It's on USA or something right now. I've had it on in the background while I've been attempting to grade mid terms and simultaneous attempting to prevent my brain from imploding from the sheer ridiculousness of their exams.

But back to She's All That. From the boys versus girl choreographed dance seen at the prom- (to the prom itself-has anyone actually seen a prom like that?) to the faux transformation scene. I mean, our heroine is exactly in need of "Extreme Makeover" just a facial and a clothes consult-hardly an amazing feat.

Just sayin'.

Pardon the theraflu flying out of my nose

I continue to be sick. In fact now I don't have a voice. I can't wait until tomorrow. I'm going to have to come up with something fairly creative. But here's a little a profile from to keep you amused:

This bucking wild stallion is looking for a cowgirl that would like to get up and climb into the saddle and hang on for a time of erotic ecstacy while trying to ride this horse all night long - in an effort to tame this one wild stallion.

Now see I actually like this profile-short, to the point, and it has a sense of humor-in it's own perverse way. Unfortunately National Velvet here lives in Minnesota. Who has hot sex in Minnesota?

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