"Everyone is going to tell you the same thing. Ask you to do them a favor. Do this for us. They want you to play by rules, Jack. Their rules. Well, you can save that candy stripe shit for the wimps down on Wall street. This is your jungle. These are your mean streets. So the only interests that you have to worry about protecting are yours. And the only needs that you have to worry about servicing are yours. So the only question you have to answer, and think about this Jack, is what is it that I really want?" Guy ( Frank Whalley) in Swimming with Sharks

OK so that's a really long title. I watched the film again this weekend-one o fmy faves-only Kevin Spacey tied to a chair could STILL get the upper hand in a situation. Originally I didn't like the ending of the film, and I still have issues, but when I watch it now I see that the ending is inevitable ( which technically could make it a tragedy by Aristotlean standards-a character of high moral fiber falls by virtue of his fatal flaw-the only failure is that there is no reversal of fortune).

OK, so I wrote an email to Israel. Light, fluffy, like four lines long. A kind of "Oh I turned off my phone for two days so I could be a decadent sloth. Figured since you had so much work you would be ok with that. What are you up to wednesday night?"

And I have heard bupkis?

No.

I think, from what I have seen, that Paul is correct this is a man who indeed wants to be pursued. It seems I have again bungled my way into the dog house. But I do maintain I in this case I didn't do anything wrong. I was stressed out, and so I took time by myself. It's like I saw he called and didn't answer or return his call. It's not like I said I would call and didn't. He could argue that I'm ducking him, but really we made no plans for the weekend. And he didn't leave any messages anyway, so I don't see where he can angry.

And yet I overwhelmed with fear that I have screwed up yet again.

But here is another question. It seems that Israel creates more upset and panic than he soothes. If that is the case, and certainly has been for the last two weeks, should I continue? If I don't get some positive feedback soon should I leave?

There is a part of me that curses that I've stayed as long as I have that I should have just been like "Listen, you're acting wierd and that's it." The other part says I've held on this long, I'm not leaving until I'm sure it's the right decision.

Again, I plead for a simpler life.