Conversion theory

"I turned a lesbian straight."

Yep, I've heard that line a couple of times from a couple of men. And I don't believe it one bit. Not that straight men are the only ones who have fantasies of "converting" straight women ( the ideology being that the man is just SO good that she can't go back to women-when it could be say that she is a bisexual, or she was just "experimenting", or that maybe in this particular case she found herself attracted to a man, but she is still predominantly attracted to women), gay men often fantasize about "converting straight men ( all those ads at the back of the village voice-gay men offering blow jobs to pent up straight men). Straight women often have fantasies about converting gay men. In fact, it's hard for me to think of one woman I know whe hasn't at one time or another dated or tried to date a gay man.

I don't buy into conversion theory. One of my former roommates was hanging out with a guy who claimed to be gay. I wasn't convinced. I watched how he looked at women, and sure enough a week later he was in my roommate's bed. At breakfast she told me "He turned straight." My response was "Listen, it's not like he's bad milk. He didn't pass his expiration date and whoops he's straight. He didn't spin a chrysalis and emerge a straight man." But she really liked to believe that she had "turned" him.

I'm one of the very few women who is rarely attracted to gay men. Once I know a guy is gay, I immediately disengage. My students, who were discussing gender and sexual identity issues today, said they would be very upset if an ex came out of the closet. They seemed to take it personally, like they were SO bad that the person had to eliminate the whole gender. My theory is you don't eliminate a whole gender based on one performance. If that was the case, I would have become a lesbian a long time ago, and trust me I have deeply contemplated it. I have had some very lovely women make some very attractive offers, but alas I just can't act on it. And as someone who has dated a gay man, I never took it personally. I never thought his decision to be gay had anything to do with me.

Any conversion fantasies or stories you'd care to share?