And Thank You For Your Support
I suppose most of you don't remember the Bartles and James wine cooler advertising campaign well enough to realize where I got the title of this post.

Basically at the moment I don't have much to say. Nothing profound. Nothing uplifting. Not even a funny story about going out last night. Although I did. Couldn't sleep. Finally at two I gave up, got dressed, put on some make up and went out for a drink or seven so I could sleep.

Should have cleaned the apartment. Had all summer to get my act together and I'm still all over the place. A mess. That's what my old friend Kevin used to call me, a mess.

It was a joke then.

Not that I suppose it matter just now. I have moments where I think everything will be fine. Friday I go to a party and chat and drink. I talk to people, make connections, think that this will open up opportunities.

And then it hits me all of the sudden what has happened. My mind begins to wander down those long paths down to the places I should know better than to visit.

I had a look on my face yesterday. "Don't go there," he says. I lie and say I wasn't thinking anything. I was just spacing out. He knows better. I don't know why I even bother to pretend that I wasn't thinking it.

Kiss Kiss seems to think it's this place. This apartment. It has too many bad memories. He demands that I go away when I start to get my back pay. Seems everyone wants to export me.

Is that the solution? My mother thinks I should rent a place on Martha's Vineyard and write. Only she worries about my depression. Will it get bad there? Could it be worse than it is here?

I suppose there is only one way to find out.

Been writing about teaching. Trying to figure out what happened. How could my attitude have changed so much in five years? Prufrock complains that I do a lot of that-thinking about my life. What else am I supposed to do? Interpretive dance? I haven't quite fallen to that low just yet.

Trying to pack up some stuff for upstate. My yarn for the Cthulhu pocketbook and the signature bunni sweater I'm going to make. Have to pack up my laptop. Just wanted all of you to know that I'm still here. Appreciating how many of you are trying to keep me afloat. Now time to return to Chez Lapin.

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