I'm so not in the right mood to post right now. I'm very depressed, and I should be grading papers, but if I grade papers I'm going to take my depression out on them. As much as they want their papers back I'm sure they don't want to get papers back with comments like "If this is your idea of good writing, I weep for the future." (Ok I'm so depressed I can't even come up with a good come back.) (A better comment would be "If you want to improve this paper, burn it thus creating heat and light.)
Well, my friends stephen and john are being idiots. I was going to protect their identities, but they have done dick for me in the last year so they can just handle it. In fact, they haven't even come to visit this website to see what I'm doing, so I can malign them as much as like (fiendish plan comes into mind-is dismissed but still entertained in off moments). This kind of reminds me of a strangely fiendish plan I had for an ex boyfriend. I was particularly upset for a number reasons. The first reason was I wanted to break up with him, and he just got to it first. There is nothing worse than being broken up with by someone you don't even like. It's like, jesus I can't even keep the ones from the bottom of the boyfriend barrel. What kind of loser am I? (A friend of mine said I should view it as a favor. They saved me the trouble. I ask you have you ever thought of a break up as a favor? Has anyone ever told it's over and your response was "Gee thanks, that makes my life easier"? It is one of those asinine things that people tell you to kick you out of a post break up funk. They think by making no sense they will distract you from your emotional pain. It doesn't. It only makes it worse. Because now you are thinking "Ive been dumped, and all my friends are morons.Oh yeah, I feel better." Reason number two I was pissed was he chose to reveal that he was seeing other people when he broke up with me (actually I have to thank him for that-I've actually used it on other people with great effect-hey they deserved it). He says to me, "Well, you know this was always only a short term relationship." And I said "I did? When did you say that?" "Well I said I wasn't into anything serious" Now this is a bad idea. I have a memory, well, it's amazing what I remember. And so I said "No no what you said was that your last girlfriend, you were going to marry her and she suddenly dropped you (now we know why) and that you weren't anything serious LIKE THAT. We've been seeing each other maybe once a week for two months, hardly a marriage." I had 'em. So there was a break and he says "Well I just get the feeling that you want a more serious relationship." Oh yes, have we been calling Madame Cleo again? No evidence just the vibrations from my aura and the tea leaves. He continues, "And you know I've been seeing other people." "No I didn't" "Yes I told you in the very beginning." "No, no you didn't." "How do you know? Maybe you just don't remember." Oh sure that I would forget? "If you told me you were seeing other people, I would never have slept with you, you schmuck." Well that's enough of that. It degenerated from there. But I had this fantasy about telling all my friends about him (I built up a series of amusing stories) and these stories would be so entertaining they would be passed from person to person. So pretty soon he would walk up to a girl and say "hey I'm Jim Turner" and the girl would go "Jim Turner from NYC? Jim Turner who isn't into a serious relationship? Jim Turner who likes to dress up like a catholic school girl and be spanked with a large lollipop? That Jim Turner?" (Ok that last one wasn't true....I think.) And then she would dissolve in laughter. OK I was young, but its good to have dreams, goals, aspirations. Even if those goals and dreams involve nothing more than the abject humiliation of another human being. I am a big believer in the positive power of revenge. In fact, I think I'm mainly still alive because of spite. There's a positive note to end on.