I Loved Paris

French Waiter: How are you today?
Mr Creosote: Better.
French Waiter: Better?
Mr. Creosote: Better get a bucket. I'm going to puke.

How strange that just as I was editing my Paris travels so I can submit them to be published as a single really really long essay, and my mother gives me two books on Paris that this article appears.

Tom Cruise, a Scientologist, a religion which was formally charged with murder in Florida, but was never prosecuted because "who do you prosecute when a religion is to blame?" ( this is not to suggest that Cruise is responsible, but rather that his snark at Shields for taking anti depressants, which may very well be warranted-is offensive in light of his apparent ignorance that members of his religion let a fellow member die in a hotel room rather then allow her to receive medical attention) proposed to Katie Holmes on the top of the Eiffel Tower.

I knew there was a really good reason that neither time I went to Paris I made it to the Eiffel Tower. Is it wrong that this piece of media trash makes me feel so awful? Not that I want a forty something year old wacked out on some marginal cult to propose to me on top of a foreign monument. Trust me I've had offers. (Remember Kalibaba? He didn't even make it through one date.) The one dollar lap dance holds a lot more appeal. Although honestly I NEVER thought Cruise was hot. Remember I like the blondes. (I admit it. I'm more of a Val Kilmer girl and I'll watch Real Genius over Born on the Fourth of July any day or night of the week. Mmmmmm Geek comedy goodness.)

Honestly, it's moments like this that I understand why the French hate us. Why couldn't he have done it at Niagra Falls and then the two of them could have gone over the Falls in a bucket and we could all be a little happier. And why couldn't some obonxious French person just gently elbow one of them over the edge? I mean, they were always jostling me and there can't be THAT much space at the top of the tower.

Is that really so much to ask?


And he better stay off Rue de Peletier.

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