So last night the married lawyer was supposed to take me to The Departed. OK so he's married, but that doesn't mean he can't take me to the movies. Except that Ashley Asshat Esq. didn't do his homework, and both of the theaters we went to were sold out. We went to a bar and had a drink or two instead.

He was more flirtatious than he had been in the past. I mean the last time we went out he shook my hand at the end of the night so I didn't really feel compelled to say, "Uh, you're married, so what's going on here?" I thought, "OK he occassionally wants to talk about literature and that's it."

But near the end of last night, he finally took the leap and invited himself over to watch "The Life of Brian."

And now for a digression.

As I'm sure Bakerina remembers, this isn't the first time a married man attempted to seduce me with a completely inappropriate film choice. Guys, if you're going to attempt to convince to break one of the ten commandments with you, do me a favor and have a little taste. The Life of Brian? I mean, seriously. You gotta go with something sexy and dangerous-foreign films are preferable since they seem to have a more liberal attitude towards adultery. I mean La Belle et La Bete, Breathless, or the Double Life of Veronique any of these films would be appropriate-hey come sit closer while I explain to you why my wife just doesn't understand my needs types of films.

The lesson here is-married guys-if you are going to attempt to seduce a single cinephile, put just a modicum of thought into it.

Here ends of the digression.

So I turned to him and pointed towards his ring finger. "There's something we haven't discussed."

"Oh," he says, "well it is exactly what you think it is."

Well thank you Magritte. Ceci n'est pas une agneau du mariage.

My question, of course, wasn't what it was. I had no question about that. My question was more about the situation such a ring symbolized. Most notably didn't he promise at some time in the past to love, honor, cherish and presumably be faithful to some woman other than myself?

It seems he did so four years ago. And he has already cheated on her "briefly" twice. "It wasn't a one night thing, but it was brief."

I'm guessing, and this is just a guess mind you, that neither of these chicks was nearly as smart as I am.

And now to pose a question. In 31 years, I've been propositioned by at least a hundred married men, but never, ever, have I knowingly been involved with one. Not so much as a prolonged make out session. Why am I so attractive to married men? What is it about me that seems to say "mistress"?

As for Ashley Asshat, he decided to add insult to injury by saying. "I didn't know if you had noticed it." Jesus IQ well in the genius realm and he thought I might not have noticed a wedding ring? I assured him that just because I had the good taste not to mention it, to allow him not to be a coward and broach the topic himself, didn't mean I hadn't noticed it.

Men, can't live with 'em...can't fit more than one of them in a trunk.

Well, unless you cut them up.