Resistance is Futile
You all shall to forgive for a minor digression from the Paris diaries. It takes time to craft such entries, but do not worry I shall be back to work tomorrow bringing you more International Excitement.
But I need a moment to discuss with you something. Something happened to me a few days ago, and I've been angry ever since. As the Littlest ball of Hate in the World (TM), it isn't particularly surprising that I am angry, but I thought since this incident is part of a clearly defined trend I would share it with you.
In the movie When Harry Met Sally
, Harry Burns (played by Billy Crystal) claims men and women can't be friends. The film actually agrees with that very premise with Harry and Sally eventually marrying. Now I have a personal objection to finding lifelessons in a film with Billy Crystal, City Slickers
included, but considering past experience I might do well to reconsider the issue.
And here is the issue. I've had a lot of male friends in my life mainly because even as a child I got along better with men. Most of them I am not attracted to or if I was initially that attraction fades as the friendship deepens. Yet again and again long into the friendship I get hit on by these same male friends. One of the worst examples I can think of was an old friend from grad school. I went to his wedding. I was friends with his wife, yet two years into his marriage he admitted that he had wanted to initiate an affair with me. I was shocked and luckily saved from ever having to respond to his statement by the fact that he admitted this to me right before he moved to California. He was smart enough to know I wasn't going to have a one night stand with him or I would have had to confess to him that I never ever found him attractive. (In fact, even if he was single I would not have had an affair with him.)
My issue here is what it reflects these men think of me. In my mind, if you think I'm suitable material for an affair, then you aren't really my friend. As my friend, you should be thinking about my best interest. And let's be clear here. If the friend isn't entangled and wants a relationship
that one thing, but here the friend(s) is clearly involved, isn't going to get divorced/seperated, and wants just sex albeit with someone they feel familiar and comfortable with.
I was at dinner chatting with my friend The Voice last night and brought up this very issue. Although at first he disapproved of these passes and understood why I was both upset and insulted by them, he then went onto to say, "But you have to understand that most women are kind of blank and you advertise this intense sexuality. It's natural then that men respond to it." Further, he explained, that it was a mistake for me to read into in terms of my "value" in the eyes of these transgressive friends. "You underestimate the nature of man. This isn't personal, it's biology."
Or, in a sense, what he is saying is that the fact that men of all kinds, friends and non friends alike, want to take me to bed isn't personal nor should I see it as some sort of reflection upon myself. Also the fact that men want to take me to bed is apparently inevitable and therefore I should just get used to it and stop being upset by it.
Now as flattering as it to think that I am so irresistible, I question this premise. I also question this intense sexuality business. I get that alot. I'm fairly sure it's just because I am, ahem, full figured. The problem is when you have a build like mine there is absolutely no way to de-emphasize it. Trust me on this one. A high necked dressed? Just makes my boobs look even bigger. A low cut one? Nice cleavage even if it minimizes the boobs. Layers? Nope that won't work either.
True, I'll cop to this one, I often tease men without being aware of it. I talk about sex pretty frankly. I often disclose personal details without really thinking about the impact they might have on men. To me, it's just conversation most of the time. OK so maybe I am to blame in that respect. Maybe they think I am oh so subtly hinting that I want a Man to Take Control of the Situation.
Please don't. The men with whom I have been involved will tell you that I have absolutely no problem asserting my desire. If I want you, you know it. It is hard to miss. I will throw myself at you like an insane dog at an electrified fence. It will most likely border on embarassing, but subtle? Absolutely not. And certainly I've never waited for a man to make the first move. Sheesh I started asking boys out on dates when I was in high school.
So what, then, is the solution? Should I be more circumspect with my male friends? Should I keep the Doberman at arm's length at all times? And what about The Voice? It's pretty clear that the Voice finds me attractive, but he hasn't hit on me. So it must be that some men can resist. Or is it only a matter of time before his self control wears down and he too throws himself at the unsympathetic feet (or breasts) of the Bunni? I really hope not because I'll be honest with you. When male friends hit on me, what upsets me is how disappointed I am in them. Am I holding them to too high of a standard? Should I just take the advice of the Voice and just accept that my male friends get confused by the signals I send out?
So I'm curious blogosphere....what do you think? I think at the very least I might have to change my alternative identity from the Littlest Ball of Hate in the World to the Angriest Little Sex Object in the World.
Labels: adultery, friendship, men
Bad Bunni posted at 9/05/2007 02:51:00 PM