May I see your permit?

It's getting to be that time of year where men take off their shirts. Considering our current financial state, I have an idea that would raise revenue for our state AND beautify new York.

I think if you want to be topless in NY, you need to apply for a permit. There would be a standard permit cost. Whether you are granted a permit would be determined by your rating by a board of straight women and gay men. The permit would have to be renewed YEARLY. The permit, of course, could be worn like a badge-clipped to the belt or, tackily, hung around the neck on a chain. If a cop catches a person topless without a permit, he will be subject to a fine.

To be fair, the women have their own summer problems. The skirts this summer, and mind you I am fairly liberal, reveal more than just panties, but I could perform an entire gynecological exam with just a sweep of the eyes.

And heels.

Now ladies, I know how you feel about heels. I myself love heels, but I can't walk in 'em, so I don't. I know you think you look sexy, but just wearing the heels doesn't make you sexy, you have to be able to walk in a way that doesn't resemble the outlaw josey wales. And if you think flats can't be sexy-go look at Audrey Hepburn.

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