Ordinary Joe tagged me for this challenge to list 8 traits for my ideal partner. I was going to be silly, but I don't have that kind of energy so here are the 8 essentials. (We already know it has to be a man, that's a given.)


1. Fabulous kisser-UDR once told me that you can teach kissing. Well if you think I want to go to work all day and teach and then come home and teach kissing, uh, no. You gotta be Pret a Porter, baby, ready to wear.

2.Gifted conversationalist-There's nothing more terrifying to me than to see a couple together at dinner not talking and not even looking at each other. One of the saddest things I ever saw was a couple sitting a dinner table, both facing away from each other chatting on their respective cellphones. I can not bear the idea of spending my life with someone who I couldn't even make dinner conversation with. If the conversation dies, then so does the relationship.

Of course, this sounds insignificant, but in order to converse with me you have to pretty gifted. You have be somewhat educated, intelligent, intellectually sophisticated, and dynamic. Unlike the couple I overheard last night, I am not going to spend two hours talking about your favorite tv commercials.


3. Compatible sense of humor-It's important that not only he make me laugh, but he also has to think I'm funny. If I have to spend most of my dinner explaining my sense of humor or justifying a comment, you're out. Because I have a rather dark sense of humor, many people find my humor cruel. You're right. It is. Deal with it.


4. Challenging in an encouraging way-As I tell my students, most of us could a use a push or two in order to further our development. Not only do I need someone to believe in my ability, but I do need someone to kick the chair out from under and me and say "You, there Bunni, will you please send out an essay for publication by the end of the week?" Or even someone to give me enough confidence to do things like go ice skating and spend the majority of time on my ass and not care if I look like Bambi on ice.


5.Passionate-I don't just mean in the bedroom. But OK the bedroom is pretty important. If you don't have any passion there, well, I just don't see the point. If I don't get passion there on a regular basis, I get a lot more than just cranky and NO ONE wants that. But passion also has to do with learning and experience and even commitment. I see it as a force of almost elemental influence. One of my old teachers said if you were completely passionate about something, your passion would be infectious. Certainly that has been the case with some of my ex-boyfriends and as a result I know about such diverse topics as cell cloning to media studies to the history of martial arts.


6. A Great Ass-Not that I'm consciously aware of looking for men with great asses, but when I look back at the men I've been seriously in love with-they all have nice asses. I admit it. There is something sad about a guy with a flat ass. I apologize, but it's true.


7. Snuggling-Snuggling is not just for after sex, and it is not optional.

8. Flexible-No, I don't mean an Olympic gymnast. Because of my disability, I often have to make last minute adjustments to plans or go about activities in a lightly altered way. There are some people who have to stick to the plan or do something in a specific way or not at all. I've made the mistake of dating people like that. It doesn't end up well for any of us. It's less frustrating for everyone if I stick to dating people who can easily shift plans based on my physical condition.


Just to Clarify: Things I Could Give Festering Box of Rat Asses About


1. Organized sports-All of them. I don't care how many times you explain the rules and the historical significance to me, I still won't care.


2. Your salary-I could care less how much you make. Period.


3. Your age- I've dated younger men and older men, and the one thing I do know from experience is that physical age is not an effective indicator of emotional maturity.

And now I have to tag eight people for the challenge:

1. blogmonkey
2. Snowball
3. Greavsie
4. Keith
5. 'Mouse (no rest for the wicked)
6. Karma's Drum
7. Randy
8. Beastmomma