I don't have a tv, but I always watch the Academy Awards. It started when I was child, I'm not sure why then I would have wanted to see the show especially since I hadn't seen any of the films, or probably hadn't (I did see Private Benjamen).


So last night, I had to go to my local, where luckily there were only three others watching the awards and so we were able to crank up the sound.


Or would have been if Howard the Hopped Up and often just plain Unsanitary Lawyer hadn't been on one of his annoying jags. From the very beginning, as Jon Stewart started talking all I heard was "You liberal self hating Jews. That wasn't funny. The lies start here. The Bush bashing starts here. Oh right, it's just so smug." and on and on. When George Clooney got to up to accept his award he complained that his speech was too "self focused" "He didn't even thank anyone else. It was just me me me." When others thanked their families, he remarked "Yeah, right. Like you even care." Even my beloved Nick Park, who won Best Animation for Curse of the Were-Rabbit, came in for criticism because he and Steve Box had matching ties for themselves and their Oscars. He even proclaimed at one moment "Montage sucks!"


Then Howard said something that I can't even imagine a civilized or educated person saying. He said, "McCarthy was misguided, but essentially he was right." When one thinks about how many writers and performers didn't work for decades (like Ring Lardner Jr who won the Academy Award for Best Screenplay for Woman of the Year and MASH) except if someone fronted for the them or even those who had to leave the profession altogether nevermind those who took more radical action, well, I shudder to think that anyone can say something like that and not be beaten in the streets.


Eventually we fed enough shots into Howard that he left, but by that time the "good times" had passed and I had to sit and watch Crash get Best Screenplay (oh the pain) and Best Film. Of course, Reese Witherspoon got the Best Actress. Can I ask you something? Is there anything that girl can't have? I mean, she's married to Ryan Philippe, she's the biggest box office draw, and now she has an Oscar.


While Reese Witherspoon was fluttering on the verge of tears, I was enlightened that she was "One of the Five" by Blue Eyes. "The Five?" "Yes there is a list of five people who if you were married or whatever, it wouldn't matter, with those five people if you have the opportunity not only are you obligated to have sex with them, but you wouldn't get in trouble." I tried to think of who my five would be. I pulled a blank.


They were over quicly this year as even the winners of best picture had to abide by the time limits set by the Academy. I was home by midnight sharing a late night cup of tea with my cat and grumbling about the Oscars even though I know I'll watch them again next year.