Bunniblog

All material on this webpage is protected by an army of slavering hell bunnies that will bite on command. Ok maybe not, but clearly I have an excess of hostility and am just looking for an excuse to use it.
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More From the Annals of Trying Too Hard Dating Emails

Before we go any further, I want you all to know that while I mock, I try to do so with a genuine hope that should someone with low social IQ stumble upon this blog, he (or even she) will realize that instead of creating a positive first impression, he (or she) is coming off as Rapey McStalkersons.

The beauty of online dating is you don't even really have to be funny. All I have to do is offer myself up and then wait. Kind of like fishing. With dynamite as it seems there is no shortage of men who don't quite get how to create a unique first impression without coming off as...well...terrifyingly desperate.

Today's offering:

Hi You look mahvelous dahling. Did you know that if you toast 'chin, chin,' to a Chinese host, it's okay, but if it's a Japanese host, you just said, 'penis?' You probably already know that, but I know you'd do the same for me. Happy holidays. Will that be a vegan or omniveran one for you? I'm attending a Chinese wedding banquet but the host is a Japanese friend so, 'no chin, chin.' At least not for me. :-) See you later alligator. My name is btw.

Now the play by play:

You look mahvelous dahling.

He kicks off with a reference to Fernando Lamas, a recurrent character on SNL played by Billy Crystal in 1985 . So he kicks off with a joke that is 30 years old. Way to date yourself, old man.

Did you know that if you toast 'chin, chin,' to a Chinese host, it's okay, but if it's a Japanese host, you just said, 'penis?

He manages to work the word "penis" into his second sentence. Now true, he couches it in the "here's some fun trivia you might know" but really, out of all the trivia in the world, he HAD to pick penis trivia?

You probably already know that, but I know you'd do the same for me.

Tell you penis trivia? How about the word "penis" is Latin for "tail" as in you probably have a vestigial one.

Happy holidays. Will that be a vegan or omniveran one for you?

I'm planning on eating the souls of men. It's a time honored tradition carried out by the women of my clan. They are also less calories than pumpkin pie.

I'm attending a Chinese wedding banquet but the host is a Japanese friend so, 'no chin, chin.' At least not for me. :-)

Not content to break one cardinal rule, he manages to get marriage AND penis into his very first email. In addition, he gets marriage AND a penis reference IN ONE SENTENCE. Truly an admirable achievement.

See you later alligator.

Really? We finish this off with a grade school salutation? From penis to playschool in two sentences. This guy is a neo-Freudian's wetdream.

My name is btw.

Hard to believe he almost forgot to tell me his name in this carefully crafted patchwork of awful.

Bad Bunni posted at 11/28/2013 01:35:00 PM |

Comments:

I'm planning on eating the souls of men. It's a time honored tradition carried out by the women of my clan. They are also less calories than pumpkin pie.

This sentence along deserves a Macarthur Award.

# posted by

bakerina : 2:00 PM

Alone, dammit, not along. GRAR.

# posted by

bakerina : 2:01 PM