I Just Took My Head Out of the Toilet Long Enough to Say "Hello"
The above quote came from an answering machine message I received while I was still in college by the gay man who lived across the hall

"Game over, man, game over." Bill Paxton in Aliens (directed by James Cameron)

Why is that when your life is at a low point everyone else's seems to be "coming together"? What the hell is that?

Here I am fairly depressed about my vacation now (except for the last three days)-that's right I am a brooder. And what happens?

My friend Legs is engaged and sends me all these wedding dresses asking me for my opinion. (I have now been upgraded to a bride's maid. I'm honored to be the maid, but I would rather NOT attend wedding. Let me just open up that gaping chest wound where my heart used to be so you can pour salt all over it. Oh yeah baby. It STINGS.) My cousin who is 20 sent me her wedding invitation for August. (In fact, I should be at her wedding shower right now, but I said I was in meetings all weekend about the summer semester. Bad, bad bunni.) This girl who is the roommate of a friend of mine is telling me "I lost my boyfriend in November, but now I have a new guy, a new job and everything is just coming together." I am ready to swallow my own tongue.

I remember when my life was coming together-four years ago. Finally everything seemed to be coming together, I was getting everything I wanted, everything I worked for. And then I lost it, and it wasn't even my fault. That's what kills me, if it was something I did, something I could correct or work on, then I would be ok, but it was something beyond my control.

Oh and I know everyone is so envious of the job. Let me tell you people, the job is smoke and mirrors. The janitors at NYU get better pay and benefits than I do. They might even get more respect. Unfortunately for me this is the only thing I'm trained to do.

(Somehow I feel like getting a t-shirt that says "I have a grad. degree in English and all I got was this lousy blog.")

Speaking of which I have to write that essay today which considering my dismal mood, might either be a fabulous idea or horrifying-no way of knowing until I do it.

I shall now blog things in seperate sections so you can comment on each section seperately if you so desire.

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