I was in a mood Saturday night. Sure, I have a thousand things to do-stories that need to be edited, dishes to wash, stuff to put away, papers to be filed, reviews to write-but I'm in a bad mood-one of those moods where nothing is going to get done. It's clear I need to be entertained. Ashley Asshat sends me an email telling me that:

A I had a really good time with you last night B we need to do that again sometime and C it can't be tonight.

Uh, I'm sorry did I ask for company tonight? Am I so desperate for company that I am inviting it without being aware of it? And is it me or this better format for a perspective client rather than a would be mistress?

So I decided I would go out for a drink or two and see where things took me-because if I know myself and well let's be fair if I don't know myself who does?-the night would come up with something exciting for me. I mean, I have a habit of finding myself on rooftops with gay men, meeting dominatrixes in bathrooms, and charming horror movies nerds by the horde.

I ended up by the jukebox next to a guy who graduated from the same acting program as myself. He's only too happy to shower with me the attention I want. After about an hour of discussion about how to teach American actors how to perform Shakespeare...and who walks in? Yep Ashley Asshat.

The Boy Posse Weighs in on Events

Sam: If it was me, I would have turned my back on him and if he said anything I would say, "You know I would acknowledge you, but you're not here. You said you couldn't come out tonight."

As the UN economist pointed out, he already waved the rights to my attention.

He comes and sees me, "Oh did you get my email? Well, I was let out for a few hours."

Like he's a dog on run. Like I'm gonna jump on a few hours reprieve. Like I'm some con's wife getting all excited about a conjugal visit.

So I decided to let him know, no matter what, who leads this dance. I am nobody's girl but my own. That's one of the few rules I live by.

Ashley kept checkin' with me, and I kept acting uninterested. Finally, he lets me know he was going to Ryan's Daughter. Like I would ditch this guy and meet him there for seven minutes of Heaven.


Truth is all this male postering was in vain. I didn't want either one of them. I just wanted attention. And now I was getting it doubletime. So actorboy, after walking me home, got zero play. Not even a kiss, although he was dying for one. He just got the honor of the privilege of saying that Bunni found him adequate entertainment for a night

Owned
So because of everything I've got going on this week, I'm running around like a lunatic. Finally I get some time to check my email today and I find that Ashley's gmail chat proclaims he is involved in a"battle of the wills."

"What battle is this?" I inquire thinking it must be at his job and I'm hoping there is some scandal afoot.

"With you I think"

Um, if you aren't sure you're having a battle of the wills...you just lost. Especially with me. It means I won and I didn't even know there was fight.
Sad really.

"So are you angry?" he asked.

Now if anyone knows how idiot men work-the answer here is simple-no I'm not but clearly you are.

"Nope, are you?"

His response pretended at nonchalance, "I will admit being a bit perturbed, though I wouldn't go so far as angry. Minor insult may be better" (emphasis added)

Notice how far he is going to make sure that I don't think he's THAT pissed. but he's still noticeably upset. Why was he insulted? Because I would even spend time with this other guy. My attitude is-even if this guy was Hitler's spitoon holder, he's a single spitoon holder VS a MARRIED lawyer.

Ashley Asshat: But that you even decided to spend time with him

Bunni: you have no right to pass that kind of judgment on me

Ashley Asshat: Did you see the look on his face when I chatted briefly with you me. I am not passing any judgment on you

Subtext: Uh why would I pay attention about the expression I was giving you? Apparently he thinks he's entertaining enough to be the floor show-and uh not so much. He doesn't have the most perfect pair of breasts the good Lord has ever made.

Code: Couldn't you see how much better I was than him? Why weren't you paying more attention to me?

Ashley Asshat: I am confused as to why anyone would voluntarily spend time with him. I have played pool with him numerous times. enough times to (a) know his name, and (b) know that he is an idiot.

Subtext: I've played with pool enough times with this guy to know he's an idiot. The implication here is that I'm too stupid to have decent taste even though I talked to him rather than just engage him in a game. Like, you know, a married lawyer would be a much better selection clearly.

Bunni he and I both went to NYU TISCH school of the arts both of us have an BFA in DRAMA

Ashley Asshat: My problem is not that you were with some dude; it is that the dude was him

Subtext: Notice the shift in language? Dude. Where did that come from? A need to assert his manliness. And the defensiveness-it's not that I was talking to a guy-it was THAT guy. Sure. In the brief exchange followed notice how he focuses on the fact that the "Dude" in question didn't acknowledge that he knew Ashley's name.

Ashley: I KNOW his name

Bunni: men often to do that to each other when a woman is part of the equation

Ashley: He shoudl fucking know mine Then when I briefly, and I shouldn\'t have been perceived as a threat by him, he had this bored, conceited look on his face briefly chatted with you

Bunni: wow it really bothered you then. Well it shouldn't

Ashley: It's ok you can do what you want

Well, that's awful big of him, isn't it? I mean, allowing me to fraternize with whomever I choose. In my mind a single idiot has something over a married savant. And certainly he doesn't realize that this conversation casts serious aspersions upon my good judgment. I mean, he's played pool with the guy. The fact that this single man can quote from Henry the Fifth-well obviously I should trust the married man's assessment right?

Right?

Ashley Asshat: like I said, it's not that you were with somebody it is that it was him
And now that you explained I am ok
common interests, theater

That's reassuring isn't it? That he understands now why I talked to a single guy on a Saturday night. Now I can sleep.

What I love about this is I have no intention of doing anything with either guy, and they are beating on each other with clubs like I am the spoils for the winner. Two morons vying for the honor of a woman who who thinks that the winner, no matter who he may be, will be lucky if I allow him to paint my toenails.

Dancing in the Street

So while I was lounging with two members of the boy posse in my apartment, I got a phone call to inform me that my newest teaching gig which will most likely result in a Full Time Teaching Appt in the Spring is on. So I have learned that I should listen to the advice of Kiss Kiss without question in the future-he says set fire to the place-I'm on the way to hardware store buy to kerosene.

I know I like it like this-so do you like it like that?

Bad Bunni posted at 10/16/2006 09:48:00 PM   |  

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