Insta Karma
My father used to say that seeking vengeance is wasted energy because the common denominator of all human existence is suffering. We all suffer. Not at the same time or from the same thing, but we do all suffer so, by this extended logic of his, seeking vengeance is unnec. The universe in all its glory will take care of it for you.

Personally, I thought that was a load of shit designed to try and make me feel better about being disabled. Sure all my little friends were playing soccer and running races NOW but someday they too would feel the isolation, the sadness, the frustration of suffering even if it was caused by something different. I humored my father mainly because living while disabled takes up enough energy as it is and when you add two perfectionistic parents to that mix I hardly had the time to think up a nuanced philosophical objection to my father's claim.

This, it turns out, is a good thing because he was actually pretty right.

Still, sometimes the universe needs a little bit of a nudge.

About five years ago, I wrote a post called Rage Sing Goddess about the end of my relationship with a particularly batshit insane performance artist and fellow blogger named Ivan the Horible (sic.). At the time I wrote it, I was so angry I had to walk away from the computer several times because I was literally shaking with rage. When I finally hit send, I felt purged and then immediately felt terrified. I'd never publicly targeted another writer. Perhaps the Blogosphere would rise up in a unified wave of disapproval to let me know what I did was Not OK.

Instead what happened was two of his so called friends thought the post was so funny, they circulated via email and on their blogs. As a result, it became one of the single most popular posts I've ever written. The triumph was nothing short of sublimely beautiful.

I bring this up because yesterday's post is currently raking in over 3 times the number of readers of my recent posts so obviously I got someone's attention. And that in and of itself makes me feel better. Thanks for being a part of that.

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I think your father pretty much had it right. What it doesn't account for, however, is that resisting also takes energy. As much as I know it can be the right thing to do, it can be really hard to just "drop it" and not give it another thought. There are things that eat away at me years and decades later.

Speaking of suffering, you're better read than me, so maybe you'll know the answer. I vaguely recall a [partial and probably mixed up] quote that went something like "In all suffering, there is a gift" which basically gave rise to the thought that even when we suffer, there is something positive (a lesson perhaps) that comes from it. I thought it was something from Ghandi -- seems like something he might have said, but have never seen/found an actual quote or attribution.
I don't know that quote, but if someone said that to me, I would probably punch them and say "Enjoy your gift." I have to say there is not always a positive message from suffering. Sometimes, suffering just is.But other times suffering is the result of our own poor choices, and yes, in those cases, it can be an important teaching tool. But no I refuse to believe that all suffering is a gift.
The thought, as I recall it, wasn't that suffering (itself) was a gift, but that a gift comes at the result of suffering. So I suppose you could punch them in the face and tell them -- "Enjoy your gift, when it arrives". :)

If you think about it and believe there is a balance in the universe, then it makes a certain amount of sense. I know when I'm suffering, one thing I do is try and remind myself that there is a balance and that there will be some good coming my way to balance this out. Now keeping the practical side of myself from retorting... "oh yeah? well maybe this is the bad to balance out the good you've already gotten" is the hard part. I believe in balance, what I'm uneasy about is knowing the score. Which side of zero am I on.

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