My father used to say that seeking vengeance is wasted energy because the common denominator of all human existence is suffering. We all suffer. Not at the same time or from the same thing, but we do all suffer so, by this extended logic of his, seeking vengeance is unnec. The universe in all its glory will take care of it for you.
Personally, I thought that was a load of shit designed to try and make me feel better about being disabled. Sure all my little friends were playing soccer and running races NOW but someday they too would feel the isolation, the sadness, the frustration of suffering even if it was caused by something different. I humored my father mainly because living while disabled takes up enough energy as it is and when you add two perfectionistic parents to that mix I hardly had the time to think up a nuanced philosophical objection to my father's claim.
This, it turns out, is a good thing because he was actually pretty right.
Still, sometimes the universe needs a little bit of a nudge.
About five years ago, I wrote a post called Rage Sing Goddess about the end of my relationship with a particularly batshit insane performance artist and fellow blogger named Ivan the Horible (sic.). At the time I wrote it, I was so angry I had to walk away from the computer several times because I was literally shaking with rage. When I finally hit send, I felt purged and then immediately felt terrified. I'd never publicly targeted another writer. Perhaps the Blogosphere would rise up in a unified wave of disapproval to let me know what I did was Not OK.
Instead what happened was two of his so called friends thought the post was so funny, they circulated via email and on their blogs. As a result, it became one of the single most popular posts I've ever written. The triumph was nothing short of sublimely beautiful.
I bring this up because yesterday's post is currently raking in over 3 times the number of readers of my recent posts so obviously I got someone's attention. And that in and of itself makes me feel better. Thanks for being a part of that.
Labels: dave, ex-boyfriend, justice, karma, vengeance
Bad Bunni posted at 10/03/2012 02:18:00 PM