Disposable Pussy

"There's not much upstairs, but what a staircase." -Some beach film from the 50's that I have never been able to identify.

So a friend of mine calls me last night asking me to come down town to a bar because his girl just dumped him. I'm exhausted and all I want to do is sleep, BUT he sounds in a bad way and being little miss I responsible for everyone's emotional well being, I hop a cab and go to join him.

By the time I get there he has wrapped himself around this drunken beyond belief hostess cupcake of a human being. She is gorgeous, but she also has the intelligence of a tube sock. She keeps repeating what he says over and over again. He'll make a joke and ten minutes later she'll repeat the punchline and laugh.

Everytime he stops making out with her to talk to me she says she is going to leave and so he feels the need to make out with her again. So I spend about two hours watching them tongue kiss. Finally I say I am leaving. He waves.

About an hour later I get a call on my cellphone.

Friend: Did you get home alright?

Bunni: Yes.

Friend: You seem angry.

Bunni: Well I am angry. I haul ass to help you out and you obviously had no need of me. You spent all that time making out with that girl.

Friend: Yeah, I don't even like her.

Bunni: You made out with her and dissed me and you don't even like her?

Friend: Well, she's not that bright, but she's so hot.

Bunni: It sounds awfully quiet, you still at the bar?

Friend: No, I'm at her place.

Bunni: You're at her place and you're calling me. What the hell are you thinking?

Friend: I'm thinking I can't find my sock.

Bunni: You lost your socks?

Friend: Well they are around here someplace.

Bunni: So you fucked this girl you don't like.

Friend: Yeah.

Bunni: It's at moments like this I wonder why I have male friends.

Friend: So you want to meet me for a drink?

At which point I gave him a taste of the whip.

The worst part is from the way this girl was looking at my friend she was really into him. She is going to be waiting by the phone for his call and wondering what happened ( assuming she even remembers the evening).

Not that I am the most respectable girl. Have I gone to bed with men simply because they were gorgeous? You bet, but as one of my therapists said "It's ok for people to use each other for their bodies as long as they both acknowledge that is what is going on." And here is where he violated my general principle-when body usage is in play there must be mutual understanding.

At the Pleasure Chest, a well known "erotica" store in NYC, they sell a variety of rubber vaginas. There are the ones molded from porn stars ( which I always thought was wierd-knowing that some guy is being intimate with a rubberized part of yourself) and there are the "electric" ones. ( Comedian Robert Schimmel wondered about the safety of such a devise-cum being liquid and the electric vagina seemed to be a recipe for disaster to him.) My fave was the "Personal Secretary", the box featured a woman dressed as Monica Lewinsky witha cigar in her mouth with the slogan "Let her take your dictation."

I always thought such devices were a joke, something a few men tried, but weren't outstandingly popular.

Now I understand why there are so many different types. Because even when dealing with rubberized vaginas, men want variety. Bascially men just want pussy, lots of different kinds, regardless of the person it is attached to.

I shake my head in shame