I suspect this is more an outgrowth of online culture, and yet the last two experiences where a man has insulted me, it was in person. Both times it was a potential romantic prospect who, begin to behave in a way I found questionable, decided it was OK then to call me a fat cunt or a pathetic cynical twat. Now part of this may be the difference between how men and women are conditioned growing up and social norms in terms of rejection. The guy who I dated for three years and broke up with me by text message, yup I called him an asshole and I pretty much stand by that statement. On the other hand, that guy with no social iq? Even after how insulting he was to me the worst thing I did was imply he was a creep and say he had a fragile ego. Not the same as calling a woman a cunt.

The reason I bring this up is more than once after such an insult a man has actually tried to ask me out again. THIS WILL NEVER WORK. I don't care where you want to take me, it's not happening. Ever. Not just because of self esteem, but because your behavior set off warning bells. Here's how it works.

If you insult me early on (in both recent cases it was after a first date), I don't have much other data about you. Let's put it like this: I have maybe 5 points of data about you, and one of those points is very negative. I know you're thinking "Well that means you should get to know me better."

No, it doesn't.

As a woman, one thing I think about to the point of it being reflex is "Is this person dangerous?" or put another way, are you Shrodinger's Rapist? After all, date rape being so prevalent (far more common than "stranger danger"), I am on the look out for warning signs. The big warning signs include inability to respect boundaries and impulse control issues (including temper). Even if those behaviors don't mean the person is a rapist, it certainly indicates there are some other huge potentially dangerous issues. After all, when we first meet someone to establish a relationship,  even if it is only a friendship, we are often on our best behavior. If, very early on, a person demonstrates very low social iq as well as anger management problems, he might not be a rapist. He might JUST be abusive or severely emotionally stunted. Either way, the behavior signals to me that the probability of this person being at the very least an emotionally unhealthy partner and the very worst a physically violent rapist is significantly higher than average. Therefore, I'm not going to waste more time getting to know him. I'm going to chuck him into the reject pile and keep going.

Basically, here's the short short version. If a woman (or man) rejects you early on, insulting them to their face only confirms that he/she is correct to reject you. You're confirming his/her suspicion that you are not a wise romantic choice. If you do make the mistake of letting your anger get the best of you, you can't turn back the clock especially with some kinds of insults. Once you call me a fat cunt, there is no chance, none, I will ever go out with you. Ever. So if you're angry in the moment, find some other way to express it because if you try to ask me out after insulting me like that, all you're doing is showing me why you're still single: namely you don't have a clue about how to talk to women and I'm not going to take the time to teach you.

Labels: advice, asshats, cyber dating, dating, insults, online dating

Being a writer who uses her personal life for material, I often run the risk of offending people, particularly people I know or have known in real life. In the past, I've refrained from posting material here to protect the interests of others. Unfortunately,when I have, the results of have been messy. So now, consequences be damned, I write what I want. As I said, this may be painful for others, but my closest friends accept and understand this fact. I am, and always will be, a writer first.

If you find the material here hurtful and offensive, then you should go elsewhere. The blogosphere is filled with brilliant writers, and my side bar is filled with nifty places to go visit. It is not my intention to cause pain, but the chief purpose of this blog is to be an outlet not just for my creative work, but also for my feelings. If you find yourself being hurt or insulted, then it is your responsibility to protect your own sensibilities and find another site you enjoy.

For those of you who continue to enjoy and support this blog, thank you and I hope you will be pleased to note that I intend to resume posting on a more regular basis. My next series of posts will be about my trip to NOLA as I know how popular my travelogues are.

Now, this post is entirely too serious so here is a picture of the margarita I enjoyed at Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville in NOLA. I post it, belatedly, in honor of Cinco de Mayo! Hope you all enjoyed some quality tequila.

Labels: advice, writing