I didn't go out last night. I stayed in and watched terrible, and I mean TERRIBLE horror movies coutresy of the sci-fi channel. I actually watched Blood Dolls. It's a wanna be Puppet Master. Now that's sad. Not even good enough to be Puppet Master but aspiring to it.It used to be that bad horror movies made me feel good. Here's how it worked. I would watch these atrocities like "Night of the Creeps" or "Day of the Comet" or, a personal favorite courtesy of Troma pictures "Night of the Wendigo", and I would watch these films inspired by the fact that at some point someone thought they were a good idea. That some one pitched the story and some one else said "Wait, that's brilliant." It just gave me hope. I mean if this piece of crap can get made with nothing more than will behind it then I still have hope right, then anything can still happen as long as you have the will behind you?

Right.

But the depression I am in is getting worse as nothing seems to be able to be changed. I have tried and yet it seems like I am trapped into the particular set of circumstances. Every weekend is the same I meet some hot guy who takes me number and is not going to call. And I'm an attractive girl, I'm a smart girl, people admit this. People know this, but it doesn't change anything. I still can't get a boyfriend. There are a host of different theories about it, but nothing seems to explain it. One friend of mine thinks its about me being picky. Now if I was picky would i have gone out with Paul the mad robe flasher for three dates? Would I have gone out with Scott, who couldn't tell me he loved me for two whole years? Would I have gone out with the Beast who couldn't even manage to call to break up with me, but just vanished? I am if I was really picky I wouldn't have given my phone number to the guy I met on friday night who already is seeing someone, but I did. And the thing is I don't think that I am picky. I think I deserve an attractive intelligent funny boyfriend with only minimal psychological problems.Ok I would even be willing to put up with serious mental illness (of course I admit that only because I have in the past.)

So the end here is continue the candles and vigils because only G-d's undivided attention is going to help me out with this one.