I would like to add something here having to do with previous post. Because the hot guy from last weekend didn't call, I called Chris D (see chart for when he was my "boyfriend"). We still hang out from time to time and fool around. A bad idea all around. Personally I think we need to really give the dating thing a serious go so it can totally fail so we can both get over it, but since he isn't having it, we just have to live with this wierd desire for each other. Not really being with each other and not able to resist each other all at the same time. Anyway I know what D would say about this whole situation if I were to tell him about it, which I probably will. He would simply say that no man in the same room can resist me. As attractive as an idea that is I think that's D's way of rationalizing his continued attraction to me. It would also be a pretty effective way of rationalizing all the cheating on his girlfriends he has done with me. To my credit, he doesn't tell me until after the fooling around that he has a girlfriend. That way I am at least ethically absolved. Although, I think by now I probably could have figured out his pattern.On the other hand, his grilfriends are really not my problem. I'm not cheating on anyone with him, so I'm in the clear and technically the only person I'm really hurting by continuing to "be with" D is myself. D is an interesting guy. He is really the one who saved me from my last suicidal depression. The type of guy I could call and he would come over and "babysit" me. So when I started feeling shall we say unpleasant urges towards myself when I was walking by the knives this week I called him and told him he had to come over and watch a video with me. And he will. That's the strange thing about him, in his own way he is the most ethical person I know and one of the most strangely dependable. He also has several different sides to his personality all uncomfortably housed in the same body. Well I guess the housing crunch effects everyone.
It is an odd thing to make love to someone after absence. I mean an absence that lasts years. The first time I slept with him I was 23 and he was 20. Now I'm 28 and he's 25. There was a four year lapse in our sleeping together (it might actually have been more) It's strange to to experience it all over again. See how much the person has changed (or perhaps hasn't changed). D has changed quite at bit(a vast improvement I am happy to say), at least in that department. In respect to everything else however he is the same. But I suppose I should simply be happy that I have evidence that change of any kind is still possible.