"This is like a dream...not the naked contortionist on a glass table top kind of dream, but it's not bad." Duckman (showing every sunday at 2:30 am on comedy central)

Having had sex with two different men in one week is a strange thing. It makes me confused, not because one would ever be my boyfriend, I'm not torn between choices, but I am torn in terms of judging behavior. We have D who is so tender and passionate. When he comes to watch movies and other things, he wants me to lie on top of him while we watch and he strokes my hair and kisses my forehead, there is a tenderness there. As I said, there is a sense of protection, a sense of safety. Is it reflex? Is it just the way he is, and he would stroke any woman that way? Even the Beast (who hasn't even emailed in two months) was capable of tenderness in the physical sense, although he was, apparently, incapable of calling me to let me know either way if I was ever going to see him again. This from the man who said "I care for you, so in a way I'll never leave you." My internal response to that comment was "That's great, very touching, but um, I'm a little more concerned about your corporeal form leaving me, if you catch my drift." So now what to make of men who just aren't that way. These men who stroke my hair and kiss my forehead vanish for weeks, so should the absence of this physical tenderness mean something? Is it merely a physical trick that can be learned? Is it nothing more than habit? Or is it something more? Are these men able to articulate something physically that others can't?

This is the legacy of Eric, to destroy my judgement, to make it impossible for me to be able to tell if a person has real feelings for me or not. I know that D. and I have passion and that we are both disgruntled artists. He said once he couldn't be what I want. I thought once that he meant that he couldn't be Eric. I see what he means now is that he simply unstable by nature. Having been hurt and abandoned so many times he prefers to stay out of my reach, to give himself to women who can not hurt him, can not control him. Part of the reason he keeps his distance is the same reason why I should keep mine. A candle is a lovely little fire, but a forest fire is destructive. All it takes is to tip over the candle. D and I if we ever got together it would be the forest fire. or at least this is what I tell myself to keep myself happy. But I will always love D. Always. And it will always be a fight to stay away from him.

OK OK where was I? I think I was up to the drunken yuppie torture on thursday night. Unfortunately drunken yuppie torture is becoming a hobby. Well I suppose there are worse tortures to come by. But here is the thing. It happened thursday, and now I'm bored with the idea of recounting it except to say that there is only temporary pleasure in totally crushing a person who thinks he is superior. I mean this guy walks up to me and says "You're not tall" and I was like "Well thank you captain obvious I don't think I would figure that out without . Although it would account for my inability to reach things on the top shelf." And he keeps talking to me. And he starts off by telling me that he is very smart. So I was like "You know, it's been my experience that smart people rarely advertise that they are smart." So then he wants to prove it to me by answering trivia. So I kicked his ass all over the bar and he admits "You are a smart girl. You are even smarter than I am." He then proceeds to ask me to go with him to Iceland for the summer solsitice (or as he put it "There is a day of the year during the summer that is like the longest day.") Before I can say no he tells me he was debating between Alaska and Iceland for the solsitice, but then settled on Iceland. Then he is telling me that he is an alcholic. Well there's incentive for a girl. Then one of his friends was hitting on me (he was cute too-a little drunken yuppie totally harmless and fun to play with) and he got all upset and was threatening to beat him up. I was like "Hey, hey, hey, let's not get excited because I'm not going out with either of you." But he wouldn't be dissuaded until little drunken yuppie left the bar, which he did (which was good because little drunken yuppie had so much to drink he didn't recognize me today when I walked by him). I should say the drunken yuppie I was talking to looked like Oliver Platt. So after two hours of totally trouncing this guy's ego (at one point he actually said "I think I should be insulted" and I said "I think you should too" yet he then immediately kept talking to me. He wanted to me to give him my phone number. I didn't so there goes an all expenses paid trip to Iceland with a drunken Oliver Platt look-a-like. And I still have to recount Sunday.

So I raise my little body on Sunday morning to go on a date. The guy I went on a date with just sent me an email about dating a blogger (in the new york times, which I refuse to link to because it required registration which just annoys me, but you can go there on your own)-It, of course, contains mainly tales people getting fired and fall outs with their family over the blogs, but this is because these people are stupid enough to blog under their own names thinking "Oh no one will notice." Well, there are people who know who I am who read the blog, and I have unfortunately let loose what university I work for, but i have been vague enough that anyone stumbling on the site wouldn't be able to figure out even what department I work for and this is done intentionally. Chortle chortle. And dating a blogger is wierd for the blogger too in that I have dated one man who won't let me write about him EVEN UNDER AN ALIAS and another man who was insulted I hadn't mentioned him. (Although when I did mention him, I don't think he was thrilled with what I said.)

Back to the date. Well let me just say that I am a member of a certain online dating service (rhymes with snatch). Anyway this is the sample of the type of guy I am getting emails from:
Hello there, I happened to catch your profile and wanted to get to know
you.

I am *******, 30, a medical student from ********. I am single,
looking, and interested in a fun, intelligent, caring, honest, loving lady.

I like reading, movies, theatre, and volleyball among other things.

I will include my profile so you can see more about me. If you'd like
to get to know me, please write back and we can talk. :O) I hope I
will hear from you.

Ok is that the most generic thing you have ever seen? But this is the type of email I've been getting courtesy of "snatch" (which is what we shall call it). So I went on a date this sunday not with the guy who the above email, but a different one (basically a similar mo). I would like to say this when did "a couple of extra pounds" turn into code for fifty or sixty pounds over weight? I mean, not that I was entirely honest on my profile. I mean I did say I was four inches taller than I really am (or in other worse I said I was the height I am if I am standing on the back of a large turtle while wearing platforms) This is all a snarky way of saying I show up and he is physically a disappointment. I'm just not physically sttracted to him.

And here is another point I would like to talk about. I feel enormously guilty when I am not attracted to peopple because here I ask other people to see beyond my physical form and yet I can't do it with him. NOT THAT I HAVEN'T TRIED. I was trying to explain this to blogger Jin today. Last year I went out with a guy, let's call him Speed Freak, because he admittedly was (I have talked about him before) anyway back when I didn't know he was a speed freak and thought he was simply up beat Speed Freak was cool, but not physically attractive, but I tried to date him anyway. I hoped that the more I knew him, the better he would look. And to Speed Freak's tribute he had many good boyfriend qualities, he cooked for me, he bought expensive presents for valentine's day, he took care of me when I didn't feel well. But here is the rub, he was also mad for my body, and this was troublesome for me because I felt like a 1950's housewife I would just close my eyes and wait for it to over. And I think we all know by now that just isn't normal bunni style. But as I told Jin today, if there is any hope for a relationship, I'll hold on. But when there is no hope, and even I have to say "there is absolutely no way this is ever going to work, even in a slightly altered parrellel dimension this would still be a mess" I'll still hang one or two weeks, but eventually I had to leave Speed Freak (mainly because he was a major drug user as well as his cure for depression was to tell me "Well just don't think depressing thoughts" Oh how I love Californians.)

So the not being physically atttractive is one problem. The other problem is that I like a challenge and this guy is just too easy. I could have him eating out of my hand inside the week I could make him cry in a few minutes. There is something perversely satisfying in making a man cry. But I digress. He commited a couple major faux pas and I shall post them here in the continuation of the Dating Wisdom of Bunni.

- Do not ask about past dating relationships on a first date and do not volunteer information about past relationships on a first date This is information that should be divulged later (think third or fourth date) if the process continues.

First dates are merely auditions for second dates Real decision making doesn't come later. Generally for me the third date is the crucial one for "making or breaking" through to me. So the first date is simply seeing if you can get along with this person for more than fifteen minutes. Plan something finite but that can be expanded if you really like the person. Also put a cap on the time line. Seven hours (my first date on sunday) is way too long, four hours is a max and I would say at the min. is about an hour. Since first dates are auditions DO NOT GO TO THE MOVIES. I've had people argue with me and then come back to me on that one. You want a situation where you can talk to the person, coffee is a good short first date. Dinner is more expensive, but you can also take them bowling or to a poetry slam or to paint pottery. The key is talk to the person.

So that's it so far. I don't want to blog anymore right now I'll go into more detail about sunday tomorrow.

Tomorrow Tomorrow I love ya tomorrow your only a day away.....(sing it with me people)