Act stupid, more cleavage

Yet again John Yule shows up on my doorstep. Yet again I let him in, this time I have questions. I asked him, as a writer ( wink wink-the nice thing about being writer is you can justify absolutely anything as research) if he just doesn't get sex from his girlfriend. To which his response was (drum role)

JY: I'm single.

( Momentary shock-what did you just say?)

BB: But I thought you said you were seeing someone.

JY: That was over like a month ago.

BB: Oh.

JY: Well, I mean I've had this girl I've been seeing on and off for a year. Basically it's really up and down because I can't decide if I want to be with her or not.

( I'm leaning towards the not.)

JY: And while we were broken up, I was seeing this other girl. Basically I'm a dog.


I couldn't agree more. You had a girlfriend then you got another girlfriend and on top of that you saw me. Interesting.

He asked about the Bell Ami sitch

JY: Whatever happened to that guy you were having great sex with but had a girlfriend?

BB: You just described every guy I've dated in the last two years... OK maybe not the great sex part.

JY: The one from downtown.

BB: Downtown?

JY: You were friends for a long time.

BB: Oh not downtown, you idiot, Florida. And I don't talk to him anymore nor do I talk about it.


Then we started talking about how people relate to me.

JY: Well small tittied women are always going to envy you. Titty envy.

BB: And the rest think I'm a slut with implants.

JY: OK listen up, you have some of the best breasts I've ever seen. Really, and men dig that so don't worry about the women. They are always going to be jealous. And let's face it, most of them know that their boyfriends want to screw you. So just forget about the women.


But how about how men relate to me?

JY: You're funny, you have a great attitude-a very healthy outlook.

BB: Are you kidding? I'm so far from healthy, I can even see fairly decent from where I am standing.

JY: But see you have this great sense of humor about things.

BB: I kind of have to.

JY: OK here's the thing men are intimidated. So you need to tone it down a bit...act stupid.

BB: Uh, I have, but my version of stupid is apparently still fairly intimidating.

JY: I know what you mean. I can't pretend to be stupid either.

BB: You don't have to, you never tried.

JY: You're right. Women like intelligence, it's a turn on. To men, it's scary.

BB: Listen I am four foot six disabled Jewish woman. How threatening can I be?

JY: I'm just sayin' get rid of the books.

BB: I'm not getting rid of the books. I'm an English professor.

JY: Well, maybe just cover them up with a sheet or something.

BB: You think covering my books up with a sheet is going to get a me a boyfriend?

JY: It comes down to this, act stupid, more cleavage.


And that's the final word on the topic, ladies and gentlemen: act stupid, more cleavage ( It sounds like advice from a producer to a female contestant on a reality show, doesn't it? "Now go out there, lean over the table, and say something like "The Holocaust wasn't in this century, was it?")

Who knew?

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