The least you can do

"Quid pro quo, Clarice."-Hannibal Lecter Silence of the Lambs

Ok so I promised to catch you up on everything. I'm sick I'm tired I'm depressed. There now you are caught up.

I kid, people, I kid.

Ok so last week I was immed by this random AOL user proclaiming to be a fan. We chat a few times, good sense of humor. Again I'm excited that maybe the blog has helped to open my world a little bit and turns out that it is Vampire Hunter D's current girlfriend. Yep, I was dupped. And this is what kills me. She asks me a series of questions, and I don't lie. I don't cover. I tell her whatever she wants to know. Because really I feel she has a right to know. And I give her the right to be pissed at me. I won't justify what I have done. But I asked her one thing. ONE THING after I answered all of her questions and that was I wanted to know how she found the blog. I'm not going to go into why, but after I was completely honest with her she refused to answer the question. Now I'm assuming Vampire Hunter did something swift like wrote the blog address down and then promptly forgot he did that and she found it and tried it and then read through the entire archive to find the 7, yes 7 entries, on vampire hunter ( which if you think about the amount of reading that is for a very few entries is amazing dedication).

So now I have lost this "chat" pal, I'm fairly sure I've lost Vampire Hunter as he will either consider this a violation of his friendship or he will have to promise her that he will never contact me again. Either way. It doesn't really matter.

Because what is important is that during that final IM she asked me if Vampire Hunter had no girlfriend, would I want that title?

Now if she had asked me that two months ago I would have said yes, absolutely no questions asked. When she asked me, thinking about her position, a long term girlfriend finding out she had been betrayed and lied to for so long, I had to say "I don't know." And then two hours later I realized, thinking about John Yule and Vampire Hunter the answer is no. No. Would I want to be some chick waiting for her guy to finally settle down? Would I want to be broken up with every other week? Have to go through the tears and the mourning and the late night hagen daas again and again and again? Do I want to go through what I think is a serious mongamous commitment only to find out it is a lie? That my trust has been that violated?

No. No. No.

With these particular men I realize I took the right road. They are simply diversions. They have their place, but I have no desire to be their girlfriend, either of them. This is not to say that I don't want to have a boyfriend, but they are clearly not boyfriend material. Vampire Hunter ha cheated on two girlfriends with me and John Yule, well, he's John Yule. You get involved seriously with either of these men at your own risk.

And just a comment to the future IMmers. Quid Pro Quo. If you IM me and I answer you honestly, you should have the decency to do the same.