To make a short story long

So here it is, the story you have been waiting for-the story I promised you.

Now for you to understand I have to give you some back story-

Exposition

I met, let's call her E, E when I was five. We had the same piano teacher. We weren't close. I became re-acquainted with her at a summer camp when I was about eleven. We became close friends and remained so through high school.

E was the type of girl who always had a boyfriend. Not a good boyfriend mind you, usually they were, well, bargain basement types. Then we went to college.

During college our relationship was under more strain. Her hypochondria shifted into overdrive. Now she had always HAD hypochondria, but it was more muted. In college I had to deal with phone calls where she would be hysterically crying. When I finally calmed her down she would say she was dying of cancer and when I asked why I would get answers like "Well, my knee hurts. It's cancer." or my personal favorite "Nothings wrong, that's how I know I am going to die." That she focused on cancer, the disease that I survived, made it very disturbing to me. I would talk her down, but then a month later I would get another phone call until finally I snapped at her about her lack of consideration. Here I was actually dealing with serious health problems (my health especially during my junior and senior year encountered a number of serious problems) and she was dealing with basically her imagination. Not that she ever helped me out when I was having health issues.

Again all through college she had boyfriends. I didn't. I didn't have one boyfriend in my entire college career, but if I complained about not having a boyfriend she would say she never had them either. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary. If I had health problems, her hypochondria would surface. Basically she always wanted to be at the center of the pity party. And this is what eventually led me to distance myself from her.

My Father's Death

The day I found out my father died, I was on my way to E's house. She said to come over anyway, but she didn't know how to deal with the situation. She threw raisins at me as we sat on the couch, later she would admit it was because she was afraid I would fall apart. I didn't.

I stayed the night. The morning of my father's funeral E's mother tells me that I can't stay the night because she is having the house flea bombed. This is, of course, a blatant lie. It was also extremely inconvenient because we had to change our traveling plans. It was something I haven't forgotten. E hasn't forgotten it either. She has never stopped being embarassed because of it.

Later E discovered the reason for my sudden eviction was her mother found a book on Wicca among my things (what she was doing in my things I don't know). She hasn't liked me since.

Reconciliation

After 9-11 E tracked me down and because I was in need of friendship we began chatting again. She told me she was getting married and asked me to be in her wedding party. I agreed. I should have said no, but I was happy that she asked me to be in the wedding.

Now, prior to this engagement E was engaged to someone else, a man who was apparently abusive. The relationship ended when he shattered her eardrum ( something she brings up often). Shortly after that engagement was broken ( very shortly) she became engaged to her current fiance, but she talks about her last relationship often. Something that doesn't really sit right with me.

The Travel Plans

Originally I was supposed to come up and spend the weekend with E. But then her mother, Medusa, raised her ugly head and said no way. In fact Medusa didn't even want her own daughter staying in the house. She was concerned we would dirty up the house before the party, she was particularly concerned about the bathroom. Don't ask me why, she just was.

So then I was supposed to make a three hour trip in the morning in order to attend the party and then one of the other bride's maids was going to give me a ride back. Still six hours of traveling in one day, it's a lot. E said she would check and see if I could stay friday night. She said she would let me know.

Thursday night she calls me to tell me to come in friday night. I'm not feeling well, I have a cold, and there is the hurricaine,which, honestly, I am hoping will delay the trip. I really don't want to go, but the next day I pack my bag and haul my ass to Penn Station.

And here is where the fun begins.

The first train was only delayed an hour, meaning instead of getting in at 8 I was going to get in at nine. Well, that was ok. a three hour trip lasting for hours. But the connecting train was two hours late. So I was stranded in New Haven until nine thirty. I got off at Hartford at around 10:30. I got to E's house at about 11:30.

And the whole time my nose was running and I was utterly exhausted. So I finally meet E's fiance. And he is great, he's a funny guy who is totally dedicated to E. And this upsets me, because E has become a crazy housewife.

E doesn't work. She claims part of this is due to health problems and the other reason is because she wants to practice law in NYC and so there is no point passing the bar where is currently resides (Georgia). Now she is having um serious uterine problems. The thing is that whenever I offer her quality medical care she turns it away and goes in favor of inferior docs who end up making the problem worse and then she bitches. But she still won't take my help.

There are also ALL the medications she is on for what claims is OCD. Now, I am not a shrink or a therapist, but if this girl suffers from OCD, well, it would be the strangest case I've ever seen. She's on at least three different types of medication ( xanax, celexa, and one other I wasn't familiar with) and she is also often popping other drugs including darvoset, valium, and tylenol with codeine. She often calls me to see if I have any "left over" darvoset or tylenol with codeine (she knows I refuse to take pain killers unless really in pain). She complains often that she can't get more xanax or valium because she is at the state limit ( the state sets limits for controlled substances) even though her shrink approves of it. Her bedroom looks like that of a invalid, huge bottles of drugs on her bedside table. Again on this trip after taking two xanax she asked me if I happened to have any darvoset on me because she had a sinus infection. I told her I didn't, which was true, I don't just casually carry it around. On the ride to Medusa's house, she also said she had taken some of her mother's tylenol with codeine but it was expired. I asked her how she knew it was expired, "Well I took four of them and I feel fine."

The Party

E showed up looking like Elizabeth Taylor, and not when she was young. She had these huge sunglasses, which she wore inside for now reason. She had applied her make up with what looked like a shakey hand. Her liner was way too thick and it was uneven. The colors she chose were totally wrong for her skin tone ( bright pink eyeshadow with a dark think charcoal grey liner). She did the usual "Long Island" chick lipstick (a light lipstick color with dark lip liner-which I always thought look weird). And to top off her ensemble what she calls her Gucci bondage shoes. (All I can think of is Sarah Jessica Parker in the First Wives Club- "All I want is a little bit of ambiance and a little classic eternal good taste.")
For some reason, everyone at the party wanted to ask me about my job. Not just "Oh what grade do you teach?" which always grates on my nerves, but also E's father insisted in finding out how much I make and how much my apartment costs. Then there were all the relatives. Which as I said I was happy because I was the thinnest person there, E included. But certainly it is odd when I see other old friends from high school with two children or married ( or both). Thus old friend of E's who was always in love with her showed up with his wife and two kids. My teeth almost fell out of my head. That this guy was married never mind had found someone he could procreate with was beyond comprehension. And here I couldn't even get a date for the weekend.

And to some degree it was sad seeing some of the other old friends-C and W. These two had never left CT in fact almost none of the relatives had and I realized how unusual it was that out of all of them I had made it to NYC and had a "real career" as opposed to C who works in a back ( as a cashier) or W, who I'm not sure does anything.

E on the other hand does nothing. If I could sit home all day I would be writing. I would work on stories and essays and send them out. What does she do? She watched the TNT daily line up. "Yep, I can stay tuned to TNT and pretty much be happy all day" and then she went through and named all the shows ( Law and Order, NYPD Blue, and Charmed). She then commanded her fiance "The last season of Buffy is out. We need to get it on DVD." her fiance said "If I had known what an obsession it would become when I got you the first one..." Meanwhile E is onto the next thing.

Now seeing all these happy families, all these people married and with kids, who fit in, I was getting depressed. And E noticed and she tries to bend it to her and how awful her life is because she doesn't have a job and her fiance works as a mattress salesman. I'm like "Uh we are here celebrating your nuptials and you want me to feel sorry for you?"

In fact for most of the party E was sullen and depressed. (Maybe one xanax too many?) She complained about her parents, who were hosting the party, she complained about her fiance, she complained about the other bridesmaids, she complained about the weather, she complained about her shoes, really there wasn't much she didn't complain about.

The bride's maid who was supposed to give me a ride didn't leave her place until noon, which meant she would arrive about the time the party would be wrapping up. She arrived around five. She missed the toast ( actually now that I think about it she is technically the maid of honor-and the color of the dresses have been changed three times to suit her). We left at seven. She blasted Prince ( good) and Def Leppard ( no I'm not kidding) on the way home. She then dropped me off with no warning at the LIRR because she had to get ready to go out. Where was she going? Brooklyn. (She could have dropped me off on the way.) So I hd to take a train to Penn station and then take a cab bck and then haul my sick tired ass home.