Can anyone tell me why I do these things?

Because I'm an idiot. Well, I already knew that. Why is that unless I enslave some poor guy over the weekend, or have someone already enslaved I don't feel like I've really accomplished something? What is about male attention that I seem to absolutely require? I have friends. I have more reading than I know what to do with, but if I don't have some guy calling and asking for a date, I spend all weekend feeling like a failure as a human being. What the hell kind of sense does that make?

I was chatting with Rasputin's ex-wife over the weekend ( we got pedicures together-how wierd is it to get pedicures with the ex wife of a guy you once fooled around with?) and she is totally independent of her boyfriend. In fact, he suggested they move in together, and she said no. (Although after five years with rasputin, I would probably be pretty wary of moving in with someone too. ) To me, that's amazing. Saying no to a man's request for a deeper commitment in my department constitutes nothing less than divine inspiration. Particularly since all the women I work with are terribly desperate. But I digress, what I was going to say is that after telling her about a little bit about my last vacation ( not the scandalous bit, but the being away with my family bit) she said I absolutely had to go on a vaction for myself.

Which since I have six weeks of vacation coming up isn't such a bad idea. But where would I go? I was thinking before the author of this book blew me off ( and it's not even an original title-as two other books- one in 91 and the other in 96 have the same title*) that I might go to palm beach. Well so much for that idea. Or maybe I should go anyway. But really aside from paris, I can't think of where I should go. I don't like going places alone, I much prefer to go someplace with a goal and a travelling companion.

Suggestions?

* I have shown restraint here and not linked to his website directly nor put his name on this website in order to "protect" him in a way sort of. Also I haven't posted any incriminating details about his behavior here except that he blew me off, which is true. However, I reserve the right to divulge more details later.