A Letter from Baked Alaska: Attacked by a Moose

You know I know I shouldn't reproduce a letter that was written to me without any kind of knowledge of the blog, but wait till you see it. It was just too great a temptation. The italics are Baked Alaska's letter-the regular script are my comments interjected:

Dear Bunni,

I hope this letter finds you well.

What? What's this? Are you sayin' He really did write "sayin'" Bunni you've never received a latter from the frozen 49th state? Burr-rr....

Calm down!! Calm down!! That's okay! Just follow these simple instructions. And then you will be reading this letter in noo time. Okay who in the world can't spell no correctly?

Now, just take this letter and open your microwave oven door: promptly insert and garnish without getting the sides of the envelope too scorched!!

And Wall-laa, bon-paper-teet! And as a final step, sprinkle in some imagination!

No I am not kidding, this is the actual letter. This guy needs to lay off the exclaimation points. I'm also shocked he knows what my fiendish plans were with this letter when I was done reading it .

Well, enough of being rediculous.

nuff said

Did your trip go well with your friend?

My trip on the plane back to Alaska went well. Actually thanks to the Northwest ticket counter personnel my flight got upgraded meaning I only changed planes in minnesota not detroit as planned.

And I think we all feel a little bit closer to being bored into a coma for that paragraph.

I noticed while on the cruise, that you have good taste in clothing apparel

Now who in their right mind uses the word apparel?

Isn't it interesting how creativity can manifest itself in many ways. It can speak about a person, having an intriguing and adventurous mind. And a relationship full of intrigue and adventure is spicy!

Again I long to put a condom on my face

If I knew you better Bunni, I could almost say you were chic. Or even Trnedy, or made out even to have your very own style!!!

Lay off the god damned exclaimation points buddy.

Anyway, a person could say you dress to kill.

Well, enough of the compliments for the moment.

To put it bluntly, I should write equally about both of our qualities.

Right, keep telling yourself that I want to hear about you, no, really.

But what I experienced on just my second day back in Alaska. Was anything, but that of having a good quality. More Like on individual who lacks good common sense. Let me explain.

The lengthy airline flights always make me feel real sluggish. So on the morning of thursday june 20th, actually it was friday I got a real bad case of the adventure bug.

In the words of my grandmother "Oy gavalt!"

I decided to take an extensive jog across an area unfamiliar to me.

I was courious on a particular residentual area I go jogging in.

Don't even make me go there.

Well it turns out that this was no ordinary jog. Matter of fact, there was quite an elevation gain leading up to this radio control tower.

To make matters even worse, there was this stray black lab that was wandering around.

To my surprise, the dog. once it caught me jogging alone. apparently made it, the dog could not now leave me alone!!

Um, did I miss something? Made what? And where the hell did he sense of sentence structure go?

I welcomed it's company, of course!

Was that supposed to be sarcasm?

Thinking to myself did this dog break it's leash or was it abandoned by it's owners?

OK OK I hate to be an english teacher at this point but IT'S is NOT POSSESIVE-IT IS A GOD DAMNED CONTRACTION-alright I feel better.

So here I was on this dog jog. Skyline drive did have a dead end.

Schmuck, when the hell did I get a map of the area where you live? What the hell are you talking about?

I took a moment to admire the view, before jogging back down.

When all of the sudden this mama moose and her baby calf strolled out from this thick brush.

Of course the black lab challenged the moose. To my amazement, I found myself right in the direction of the moose's oncoming path!!

Ok that's moment that truly deserves an exclamation point! He is being run down by a god damned moose.

Well Bunni with no time to think. Me being on this road in all. I just lungened into thick brush. Even tripped from all the branches!

Moose can sure run when they are mad!!

I suppose I should start to close my letter to ya.

What? No denouement? That's just bad story telling form. You lunge into the bushes and that's it? No reflective moment over a Coors later in the day? No asking yourself "Hey maybe that moose owed a favor to a little short girl in NY"? Nothing?

The next letter I will write to you will be about all the activites I had during the fourth of july weekend

I anticipate the very thought of it. The thrill of reading about a Alaskan Fourth of July. Did the moose bar-b-que?

please write me, if you have the time.

If not, that's cool.

Nice, that really came off as geniunely casual.

Your job must take up an awfull lot of your time. Especially during the school year.

Uh did I miss a meeting? When did July become the school year?

Well, Bunni thank you for taking an interest in me on the boat and getting me to open up You Broolyn Beauty You

Ok I didn't add the emphasis there, he did. BUT I AM NOT FROM BROOKLYN. I DON'T NOW NOR HAVE I EVER LIVED IN BROOkLYN-DAMMIT.

Your friend

Oh now that's just lame

Alaskie Jr.

He actually put the junior there on paper.

There's no point in even making fun of it. But I tell you when I tried to tell Jin about this paper I was laughing so hard about the moose incident that I almost passed out. I have now kissed a man who was chased by a moose.

Because if you have to be crazy, at least have some originality.

By the way, I know I mispell things all the time, but I was careful to transcribe this letter exactly as is-all the misspelled ( sp?) words and misplaced periods etc they are all exactly as they appear in the letter-so as to add authenticity because who would want to miss out on its ( NOT it's) homespun charm?