Hint, hint

Ok do none of you believe in shout out anymore? I'm all vulnerable here and upset and I could use some emotional support ie that someone out there feels me on this and nothing. FOR WEEKS nothing. This would be a golden opportunity for some of you who have gotten on my bad side to blow some sunshine up my skirt.

The Final Solution

While I'm here-I have come up with a possible solution to the Ma Belle Ami sitch ( by the way the reason I did post everything was that he HAS told his girlfriend-which pissed me off a great degree as well-but still the ostensible reason for secrecy is over-also clearly the relationship is over since he has been online all day and not yip from him-he probably thinks well let me leave her alone it will make her feel better-what makes me feel better is the illusion I'm rejecting him-I digress) and here is the possible solution-the only way I can not feel hurt by this whole thing is if I get a fabulous boyfriend then everyone is involved and happy ( what are the odds) so I say we charge Ma Belle Ami with a holy crusade. He wants things back the way they were-he wants our friendship back- GO AND FIND ME A DECENT MAN-pull that off and I'll wash your god damned car. I have failed, Jin has failed, but if you really believe, if you really want me, go, do, NOW. I think that's a pretty fair solution. Oh and by the way, no girl is above the joy of seeing a man suffer at her expense, you could always gratuitiously throw yourself on my mercy just to give me the pleasure of saying no. That would ease the pain of rejection too.

because I am a writer ( and unfortunately this whole drma ruins a story I was working on) I have this imagined conversation in my head-to be sure parts of it happened and parts of it are what I would love to say:

B: Congratulations, you've become just another man I'm not good enough for.

MBA: I don't want to be that.

B: Well I want to be blonde and average height. We don't get to pick who we are.

MBA: Was it the sex? Would things be different if we hadn't slept together?

B:You know it doesn't matter because we did and we have to live in this dimension not some parallel universe which this might not have happened.

MBA: There is a difference between sex and love.

B: Do you think I'm stupid? Of course there is a difference and I know it well. If you just used me for my body, you think I would feel this way? Listen I can tell the difference between sex and love, but I can't tell the difference between what you feel and love. You like talking to me and spending time with me and you find me sexually attractive and beautiful as well. You see where I stand that's love, romantic love. Now maybe I'm missing out on a whole level of friendship. Maybe I don't have the right social skills. But to me it looks the same. And it has nothing to do with the sex. If you had never touched me it would be the same, it wasn't that it was how you looked at me, it was how you took care of me, and you didn't have to sleep with me for that, jackass.

MBA: I had no idea.

B: Because you didn't want to, if you had thought about it you would.

MBA: Is there any way...

B: No, because I'm always going to feel rejected. I stopped being your friend when you kissed me. It ended there. The only way this friendship could have survived is if I didn't want you.

MBA: Then I wish to G-d you found me ugly, fun to talk to, but revolting.

B: Because that's what every girl dreams of hearing.

MBA: I want you to be happy.

B: So do I, but I don't wish you to be ugly, I have a slightly different wish thanks.

MBA: I wish this had never happened.

B: I knew I could drive you to regret. It's a gift I admit, but I knew if I was really focused I could.

MBA: I just want things back...

B: Let me tell you something I learned with Eric, you can never have things back. There is no point. Things changed. If you wanted things to remain the same, you shouldn't have agreed to meet me. You wanted things to change, you just didn't look at the consequences.

MBA: And you did?

B: You think I didn't see this coming? You think I wasn't waiting for this to happen?

MBA: And you never said anything?

B: What would have been the point? Were you going to prove me wrong? Were you going to tell me different and then be proved a liar?

MBA: So that's it then?

B: Look everything comes with a price and her's is me. You can't have us both. You want her, fine, let her be your emotional support. You don't get to have everything and leave me with nothing.

MBA: I give you nothing.

B: The emotional support you give isn't worth the weigh of the rejection I would feel. And I would always feel rejected.

I'm going to end this here because I'm exhausted-the real belle ami can verify the parts of this that are real, of course he won't shout out here for fear of hurting me-but truth be told his already hurt me a great deal-why not go ahead and add a little pinch after you've slahsed someone through the ribs? Would it be that much more in the grand scheme of things?-especially to reveal himself publicly it would be interesting and certainly more than any other man has done here yet.

A little support from the rest of you WOULD BE NICE THOUGH, HINT HINT.