The Muslim in the Bathroom

Ok I wasn't going to blog about this, but it's becoming a problem. There are several muslim women in my office. And they have that whole ritual cleansing deal, which is fine. However, there is this one muslim chick, and my bladder and her cleansing are apparently on the same schedule because everytime I go into the ladies room she is in there with her face in one of the sinks. And I just feel wierd about using the bathroom when someone is praying. At the same time, with my disability I don't feel like hauling myself up and down the stairs to use the bathroom in another department. And it's not like I can walk into the bathroom and then just pretend I'm taking an constitutional jaunt through. Like "Oh hey yes I thought I would just stroll into the ladies room, well now I am off to run around the copier!"

And of course the problem is my discomfort and embarassment because she is obviously fine with the situation.


Reading Stats

Yesterday
-38 pgs student writing
-20 pgs student prep

58 total

today
9 pg workshop prep
17 pg student writing

26 total

Now this may not seem impressive until you realize that to read about 12 pages of student writing takes an hour-not because I am slow, but rather because of the comments I have to make. And yes I mean HAVE TO-for, as the black saint can attest, the grammar is revolting. Even though I have simplified comments into a numerical grading sheet-still takes a LONG TIME.
Nip/Tuck

Yes I know I haven't blogged about my new favorite cultural train wreck ( hats off the Bill Hicks for that phrase) lately. It was on tuesday, and I watched it. The show is basically a more plastic surgery oriented version of General Hospital. But what REALLY got to me is the new jewish nemesis. The firm, which should be totally bankrupt considering they never manage to get a paying client, is competing against an afro-ed Jew. Now that doesn't bother me, it doesn't even bother me that he attempted ( actually succeeded) in buying Christian's model girlfriend with a 250,000 dollar car. What bothers is me is WHY he wants her. He wants her to so that he can produce blonde jewish children. OK it's not just that the idea smacks of um gestapo-esque ideas (I read somewhere about experiments involving injections of blue ink into the eyes of Jews to change the color of the irises) but obviously he's not a really good Jew because any Jew knows that the religion travels MATRILINEALLY which means if the chick ain't a jew, the kid ain't either.

So first our Oy boy has to convince little Ms. Aryan of the Year to BECOME Jewish, then she must complete the transformation. Once all of that is completed THEN her children will be Jewish. And since I'm fairly sure she dyes her hair, I doubt they will be blonde.

There are a lot of other problems with the show, including that it doesn't even really pretend about medicine anymore.

I do have to say that it did give me one rolling around on the floor laughing moment-and yes I'll share

Sophia, a pre-op transexual, goes to the house of one of the female nurses who is a lesbian ( and needs to have a serious teeth bleaching). Sophia gives the nurse a make over, they bond about how lonely they are and they can't find anyone to love them for who they are, and then, they kiss. Yep, the love of a lesbian for a pre-op transexual (who says "Pre-op I'm gay, but I WILL be straight"). Of course, they decide later to eschew passion and become friends. But it was both so predictable and cliched especially considering how many avenues it could have taken. It made me long for Six Feet Under.

sigh.


The Ethical Slut

This week's "Pucker Up" column in the Village Voice is entitled "In Defense of Sluts." I started the column with every attention of denouncing it. Particularly using the word slut, such usage would denote I would say how much the feminist movement has failed. But upon reading the article, I found her points to be well articulated and well argued. In fact if I thought, and I stress the word thought, that I could count on my students to enter into an ordered discussion of her ideas, I would. But it certainly does make me feel better about some of my choices, that SOME ONE understands that I decided to do some things because I wanted to do them and not because I am some desperate idiot with low self esteem. In fact, I think meeting people on mate.com is more degrading than a lot of my, uh, let's just unconventional relationships ( John Yule anyone?) OK I have to go and meet with a student, but there is apparently a book called the "Ethical Slut" which I think is great ( I'm hoping there is a sequel called the "Executive Slut") because christmas is righ around the corner.
Sexual Harassment

Ok I have been the victim of sexual harassment, scarcely a woman in the western world hasn't. Two times were particularly offenseive. The first time was in high school. A guy I knew, who had dated a friend of mine, started touching me while we would walk to rehearsal for a show. I would tell him to stop but he didn't listen. After two weeks of repeatedly trying to get him to stop (including trying to avoid walkign with him), I had male friends accompany me around to and from rehearsal to prevent this guy from getting near me. ( The harassment ended when he graduated. What was particularly creepy was he was a jesus freak who was always wearing a button that says "jesus loves you." He may, but he should love you from a distance of at least 18 inches.)

The second has to do with my job. A fellow professor asked me if he could fantasize about me. ( I should add this was one of my first days of work.) I said "I don't see how I can stop you." He said "No no I want to talk to you about it." ( He never has, but he has, unfortunately, foisted many tales of his own sexual exploits upon me.)

But, I suppose at the very least no one has asked me to "engage in sexual activity with a dog." So, in the words of Bill Murray, at least I have that going for me.


things I do that are so girly and typical, I actually resent myself for being so, y’know, OBVIOUS

Again courtesy of Smitten, who beat me to the damn punch. I swear I was going to do this last night, but then I fell asleep and I was scooped!

1. I love getting manicures and pedicures.

2. I love getting presents, even flowers. I know they die and make a mess, which I won't clean, but I love them anyway. Especially roses.

3.If I shower with you, you can bet I am hogging the hot water.

4. I getting dressed up to go out is almost as much fun as going out and getting stared at.

5. I love shopping.

6. Compliments-I don't just like'em, I need'em.

7. I dye my hair.

8. I love buying and wearing and playing with make up.

9.I enjoy cooking, especially ornate and gourmet dishes. I like cooking for others even more.

10. I have stuffed animals. Ok one is a stuffed slug, but still.

11. I will watch a film just for a hot actor.

12. I want to snuggle, not just after sex, but all the time. On the couch, while I'm reading, if I'm alseep.

13.I won't go outside without at least foundation on my face.

14. There is no such thing as ONE overnight bag.

15. I take ballroom dance classes three times a week.

16. I worry what people think about the condition of my apartment, even when no one has been there for three weeks.

17. I make snarky remarks about other women's clothes all the time. If no one is around to share it with, I will still think it to myself and smile.

The Mistake Returns

So the Mistake wants me to teach her how to use her own laptop, the one she's had for a year. Nevermind, I tutored her all last year, now I have to do it again. So here is today's tutorial session.

Mistake: I was just looking for you, for our tutorial session

Bunni sitting, totally exhausted.

Mistake: OK I go to NYU home. I can do this.

Bunni doesn't respond.

Mistake: You know I don't need you here. I can do this.

Bunni continues to sit.

Mistake:Now why aren't any classes up?

Bunni: Did you register for your classes?

Mistake: How do you do that?

Bunni: Go to main NYU page.

Mistake: How do you do that?

Bunni: www.nyu.edu

Mistake:OK

Bunni: Select "Resources."

Mistake looking for Resourses, the fourth of six options.

Mistake: I'll find it. Don't say anything.

Bunni doesn't respond while Mistake finally finds the tab.

Bunni: Now select ITS.

Mistake: ITS?

Bunni: Information technology services.

Mistake selects ITS.

Bunni: OK now select services.Then select faculty accounts.

Mistake makes the proper selections.

Bunni: OK now click on "blackboard class request form."

Request form appears on screen requesting the NYU ID of the user.

Mistake: Now do I put my ID number in?

Bunni: Yes.

Mistake: Thank god you were here I would have never figured this out on my own. Now, can you only do this tutorial once a week? Are you sure? Because we really need to commit to this.

Bunni: I can only do it once a week. I teach four classes.

Mistake: OK

Bunni: Put me on your site as a second teacher. That way I can monitor your content and make sure it's ok.

Mistake: Great idea.

Bunni: OK, now you'll get an email when the site is up, we can't do anything until then.

Mistake: OK I'll see you next week.

Things I do that girls don’t do, or so we’re led to believe

I got this courtesy of Smitten.

1. I'm with Smitten on the laundry thing. I could care less about some strange guy fondling my panties. If he has the time, and cleans them afterwards, he is welcome to have fun with everything but the La Perla.

2.I'm not friends with other women. I tend to get a long with men better.

3. When a bunch of chicks get together and suddenly start talking for half an hour about their shoes, I feel like I am on the set of the remake of the Stepford Wives.

4.I love comic books even Vampirella.

5. I like a lot of "angry male" writers particular those accused of misogyny including Philip Roth, August Strindberg, Don Dellilo, John Updike, Nicholson Baker, Will Self, and Saul Bellow.

6. I hate traditional "female" writers esp. victorian ones like Jane Austen and the Bronte sisters. ( Honestly I'm not fond of anything from the Victorian era, although Lady Audley's Secret by Elizabeth Braddon is a riot.)

7. I have no problem talking frankly about sex with men. In fact, I prefer it to women and their "romanticization" of a biological imperative.

8.I often cringe when I see children.

9.There are days I love lolling around my apartment in my pjs and not showering.

10.I hate cleaning, and I am not good at it.

11.I hate weddings. All of them.

12. I've never done the "let's get together and have facials" night.

13. I watch porn ( and enjoy it).

14. I hate "chick flicks" and never watch them. ( no Boys on the Side, Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, Waiting to Exhale, Fried Green Tomatoes-the closest I get is Thelma and Louise)

I'm sure there are more, particularly concerning my attitude towards sex, but this seems to be a decent list. Actually I expected it to be longer. I'm curious how many of these are gender role "myths" so feel free to play along and post yours in the comments box or post on your blog.


Reading Stats

Ok I was a slacker so I didn't finish all the reading last night. So here's what I'm looking at completing by tomorrow:

21-74 pgs student writing
20 prose prep
Euthenasia

"You know what they say, if you can't say something nice, sit next to me." Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias

I went to Ct to celebrate my girlfriend's engagement this weekend. Now I did know it was going to be a debacle, I was, however, apparently very optimistic about the SCOPE of the debacle. I won't go into detail now, as you can see from the reading stats I don't have the time, but should I ever, EVER have to do that again, someone please have the decency and kindness to shoot me.


OK here are the quick quick cliff note version so as to wet your appetite:

how and when I am to get to the party keeps changing-right up until the day before
3 hours trip to the party location a la Gilligan's Island takes 8 hours
The Bride is on several types of medication, many of them psychotropic-yet she asks me if I have a darvoset she can have
the bride, despite being "blissfully happy" insists on being the focus of ever pity party possible
The fiance, who I met on friday, is much more likable than my friend from the age of five-at one point I considered offering to create a scene so he could escape-after all it's not too late to save the guy
we toasted the wedding with "Barefoot Bubbly"-really
the trip back I was trapped in a car with 2 long island girls who spent half the time talking about their shoes and the other half blasting classic 80-s Prince and Madonna (arguably the best part of the trip) who then dropped me off abruptly at the LIRR
the bride never bothers to call and see if I have arrived home one piece
Reading Stats

I have decided to give you all a taste of how much reading I do for my job. Please note that all readings are accompanied by comments. Here are the stats so far for today:

56 pg reading and comments- student writing
8 pg prose class prep
1 pg NY Times Essay (required dep't reading)
3 pg student essay
8 pg workshop prep
3 pg essay ( required dep't reading)
10 pgs prose prep

89 pages total

Pages of reading yet to go for today:

21-74 pages student writing
10 pages prose prep
Come On Line of the Week

It seems Sunday gets everyone inflamed for the Bunni. This week was not exactly a come on line, but three drunk girls walked up to me last night as I was babysitting an unhappily married friend. The first one took one look at me and said "Oh my G-d you look, just like. You know the movie. The three angels."

Girl #2 "Yeah, Charlie's Angels."

Girl #1 "Yeah, you look like Drew Barrymore."

Drunken girls stand around burbling how much I look like Drew Barrymore and how lucky I am to look like Drew Barrymore.

I kept thanking them. They kept re-affirming the resemblance. They asked me if I would be singing karoake. I said no. They told me I looked fabulous anyway and wandered away.

I guess it's evidence that women can beer goggle too.