Don't Panic
Well I'm sick. And I spent all of this weekend being sick instead of furiously grading like I should have. On top of that I'm being observed on Wednesday and while normally I'm very confident, I haven't heard about teaching next semester and I'm freaking out. So while I recover from my illness I gotta be on my A game on Wednesday.

And that's just this week.

How do other people live their lives? I mean I teach 3 days a week, and I spend hours at home grading and prepping, but I never feel like I'm very good at things. I mean I knew completely incompetent professors at NYU, but that was an exception. I used to believe I was a good writer, but I look at what I right now and I'm barely impressed. And certainly with teaching, I'm terrified I've become the teacher I was always afraid I would turn into-the teacher who couldn't explain things in a way others could understand. And my social life? At almost 33, a bf over the ocean still terrified of the corridor of holidays not to commit suicide by. Hardly an advertisement for emotional maturity. I am most likely thinking too much, but this is just the only place where I vent my fear. Even my therapist thinks I look like happy and great. But I'm very freaked out at the moment. So I'm gonna have a snack and try and get some rest.

Or maybe I'll watch 5 minutes of America's Most Smartest Model so I can feel like a Noble Prize winner. Just for five minutes, I swear.

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